Muddled Ramblings and Half-Baked Ideas

Words and pictures and stuff

Programming Note

Posted on December 19, 2004 by Jerry

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It has come to my attention that after my travels I have photos of many of the guest poets appearing on this page. It wasn’t a big reach to go from there to putting the picture of the author next to the poem. If you are a guest poet and would rather NOT have your picture next to the poem, or if there is another picture you would prefer I use, just let me know.

Currently I’m missing pictures of Melinda and Brian. I would love to put you up there, however, so please send me a picture of you that can be cropped square. I have put in suitable substitutes for the time being (heh, heh, heh…). Let me know if you find a mistake – I could easily have made a typo and the code currently assumes the order the browser will execute the JavaScript functions. If it executes in the wrong sequence I expect someone else’s picture will appear next to my explanatory haiku.

I also have figured out how to fit the limericks in the header more nicely, and I’ll get to that in the next couple of days – so bring on those 5-line poems!

Mr7k Memorial Library and Archives

Posted on December 15, 2004 by Jerry

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In the realm of blog millennia, few will be remembered as vividly as Muddled Rambling and Half-Baked Idea’s 7k. From its controversial start to its climactic end, 7k, although the shortest millennium in MR&HBI history, was a time of great change and great challenges. In the center of those events stands Mr7k. While not without his detractors, it is safe to say that Mr7k was a driving force that redefined the millennial office.

The term of Mr7k began in controversy, with miscounts, recounts, prematurely announced results, and destroyed records. Though the conflict could have torn the MR&HBI community asunder, the crisis was averted by the gracious actions and high-minded principles of all parties involved without having to resort to a pull-off and Bar-B-Q, the recognized way to resolve such disputes if the disagreement proves intractable. Since then, the system has been improved to help prevent further debate in the future. All of this proves the importance of public records and public review in ensuring that justice prevails.

Such a rocky beginning might have undermined pervious millennial office holders, or at the very least diminished their effectiveness, but after a brief healing period Mr7k launched an agressive and far-seeing agenda. Collected here are the artifacts of those initiatives, as a monument to the legacy of Mr7k and as an inspiration to future millennial office holders. (Hopefully one of those future millennial office holders will define a new term for “millennial office holder”.)

The Blog Mission Statement
This site is dedicated to enhancing the worldwide understanding of and appreciation for:

Beer
Beer
Satire
Beer
Creative writing
Beer
Wine (as a way to embrace diversity)
More Beer
Foods to eat while you are drinking beer
Beer
Bars, bartenders, and the beer they serve

A seminal document in blog history constructed by a diverse committee under the leadership of Mr7k (although apparently ignoring contributions of his political rivals), perhaps the next effective millennial office holder can come up with a mechanism for ratification.

Proposal for the name of the newest MRHBI category: Jer’s Beers of the world tour.
Mr7k used his savvy understanding of the polling system to ensure that this suggestion was a runaway favorite. The MR&HBI Executive Committee and Editorial Staff used this valued contribution when arriving at the name: Jer’s Bars of the World Tour.

Bringing the tone of debate at MR&HBI to a new level
Issues that saw discussion included educational programs for the handicapped, light transportation manufacturers, numerical analysis, weapons of mass destruction, beer, and number three.

Yet, looking at this legacy, we see that there is still a mountain to climb. Issues to face. Innovative names and numbers to invent. The legacy of Mr7k is as much about what lies ahead as it is about what lies behind. As the 8k millennial office holder is what we call in politics an “egg-fryer”, we will have to await the emergence of the next true leader.

Many thanks to the Corporation for Non-Partisan Analysis for their assistance compiling the data for this archive.

Ahoj, Chargers Fans!

Posted on December 8, 2004 by Jerry

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I’m not that big of a sports fan, really. I enjoy watching sports but following teams and reading about sports doesn’t do much for me. Football was created to give people a reason to go to bars on Sunday and hang out with their buddies. Over the course of my time in San Diego I did gradually become a Chargers fan, though. Here in Prague, I haven’t given much thought to American Football, but this morning I decided to pop over to espn.com and see how badly the home team was sucking this year. That they would be sucking was not a question.

Hold on there, Sparky! Since I left the country, the Chargers have won every game! There they are, sitting atop their division. Playoff contenders. Respected by the league. It’s a topsy-turvy world, all right.

Just for giggles, I matched my travel as I wandered around the country with the team’s record. With only one exception, the team lost when I was in San Diego and won when I was elsewhere. So take up a collection, Chargers fans! Operators are standing by, ready to take your donations to the Keep Jerry in Prague Fund. (Please note that past performance is no guarantee of future results—but compared to the Charger’s usual record, don’t you think it’s worth taking a chance?)

In the meantime, čau!

When in Googlopolis, Google

Posted on December 8, 2004 by Jerry

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I’ve started compiling this list as I see interesting searches, so it’s less work when the list gets long enough to push out. As usual, certain words are obfuscated by adding spaces so the search engines won’t get distracted and bring people to this page instead of the original.

czech holiday cursing – man, I wish I had the answers for the implied question here.
picture sex accident – although ‘accident’ describes almost my entire sex life, I have no pictures to prove it. The searcher was drawn to perhaps my most enticing episode title ever: S e x, D e a t h, and Words.
2004 hands hard body – they came here, but I’m not sure how. I couldn’t find myself anywhere in the search.
mopar tits – you know the best ones are from NAPA. Just ask B o b b i.
beer commercial ideas – when some company plays my brother’s life as a beer commercial, who gets the royalties? But wait! No! This linked to my own sheepdog to cut a cutie out of the herd idea. If this does show up as a beer commercial, you will never hear the end of how it was stolen from me. so let’s all cross our fingers, shall we?
pee for distance – oh, man, it tickles me the searches I score high on. In this case a perfectly erudite treatise on ageing by a fellow bar patron.
she made me hard – I am honestly perplexed how I scored so high on that search. But the result is worth it. Shae has a wandering soul but a good heart.
gatorade sex – I don’t make this up, kids, I just report it.
jer’s hat rack plans – just gimme a minute. I’ll work up plans for the bast damn hat rack ever.
a list of things to write in others yearbooks – not a list, but a strong suggestion, and the coinage of prenostalgia and postcocious. (OK I admit, I’ve used prenostalgia before that)
A Musical Catastrophe – I have to admit, after digging into it farther, I really want to see that movie.
put eels in her ass – I almost didn’t include this one, but well, it’s kind of funny.
musical instrument powered by gravity kinetic and potential energy – John, I want a design in my desk by Friday.
the real King W i n c e s l a s – yes, he was Czech.
how to get d r u n k – unbelievable how often people come to me for that advice these days. How to do it quickly, how go do it to other people, and what to do once you get there. Of course, I take no pride at all in scoring high on Google for phrases that include “get d r u n k”. Too much of that and you’ll wind up like this.
feminine beer names – someone in the Air Force in Alaska needed to know.
in google we trust – the title to another episode like this one has now started drawing attention on its own. It’s all part of my plan to come out at the top when people google “Google”

I’m not sure why, but the word h a r d b o d y has been bringing a lot of people here. Just so you know: my body is not, nor has it ever been, hard.

Squirrel violence searches seem to on the rise, and of course the huevos bring ’em in by the dozen. (Of the last 100 people to visit the site, 18 came on egg searches.) The other usual suspects were all there as well, with bars in O c e a n B e a c h strongly represented in the last week.

Important Notice

Posted on December 5, 2004 by Jerry

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Just a quick note (there’s been a lot of those lately, haven’t there?) that due to an unprecedented spike in squirrel chatter and some very disturbing news out of Toronto the Suicide Squirrel Watch Center has raised the alert level to RED (psychotic) worldwide and to the previously unheard-of MAGENTA in Toronto. Those of you who recall the movie Infra-Man (NTSC VHS is apparently very rare now, and goes for as much as $195. That, in itself, is appalling.) will understand the severity of high magenta levels.

Attention, Amazon Shoppers!

Posted on December 2, 2004 by Jerry

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Well, I think that my media empire is filled with a pretty literate lot, and many of you probably frequent Amazon.com quite a bit already. Here’s the deal. If you’re going to buy something from Amazon anyway, I’d appreciate if you’d start by clicking the link from here. You don’t have to, no biggie, but if you do, I get a microscopic slice of the pie. It beats working for a living.

There is a more permanent (and much less obnoxious) link in the sidebar, which just says “Buy books, help Jer”. If you want to bookmark it (and of course you do!) you need to save the link, not the page it takes you to. For those using a decent browser, you should be able to just drag the link right off this page to your bookmarks.

Alone for the Holidays

Posted on November 26, 2004 by Jerry

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One time, maybe a year ago, I was walking in Mira Mesa and I was at an intersection with a couple of bicyclists. They were wearing white short-sleeved shirts and dark, narrow ties over dark slacks. “How you doing today?” one of them asked me.

Just because they’re recruiters for some organization I have no interest in doesn’t mean I should be impolite. “Not bad,” I said, which was close enough to the truth. “How are you guys?” Well, of course they probably get treated pretty rudely much of the time, so the moment I didn’t shut the metaphorical door in their face they launched into their pitch. We’ve all heard the pitch, and generally we all deal with it by ignoring it. I was nodding politely when one of them said something like, “If you accept Jesus into your life you will never be alone again.”

I couldn’t conceal my reaction. “That sounds horrible,” I said with a visible shudder. I don’t think I offended them, at least they probably weren’t offended until later when they had time to think about it, but the one-sided conversation came to a crashing halt. No one had expected that reaction, least of all me, and the sincerity of my sentiment was beyond question. I wasn’t trying to put them off; I was truly horrified at the thought of never being alone.

Holidays act as an aloneness amplifier. Sure, I like being around family for the holidays, but as far as solitude bang for buck goes, you can’t beat Thanksgiving and Christmas. You are aloner on those days than on any others.

I went out walking today, in the sharp cold sunshine. I thought of buying a scarf, it was a good day for one, but much like my days on the road there are times when motion will not yield to practicality or need. Where I went was unimportant. My intention was to find a nice spot to grab a meal, but nothing appealed. Well, that’s not true, many places looked interesting, and tasty, and warm, and friendly, but I found a reason to pass each one by. On my return I went to the store and bought some supplies to construct a modest Thanksgiving meal here in the apartment. Spaghetti. I also bought some cold cuts that might be turkey, but I haven’t tried them yet.

Technically, it’s not Thanksgiving here anymore, but It’s still Thanksgiving over there, and it’s an over there holiday. So happy Thanksgiving, everyone, everywhere. May you find yourself in good company and high spirits. I know I am.

Veni, Vidi, Googli

Posted on November 25, 2004 by Jerry

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So lazy, in fact, that the list is a short one today. But as a Special Holiday Bonus I’ve included a special section on cooking. As usual, words I don’t want to attract attention from the search bots are obfuscated by using spaces.

“v a l l e y of fire”, fault, map – one of the most eye-catching episode titles gets more than its share of hits: Through the Val ley of Fire to the B o s o m of B o b b i
electromagnetic launcher coil projectile – linked to my Get Poor Quick page, which includes a really bad but sexy-sounding idea for a reusable space vehicle
smoking glass whore san diego – linked to main page.
fun things to do when your drunk – My drunk? You know, I have a lot of suggestions, but really, you shouldn’t have to come to me for this.
human b l i m p – granted, my story was about human-powered b l i m p s, but heck, close enough. (By the way, apparently BASSCAR is already taken.)
who reads E U L A ask google a rhetorical question, it retaliates by sending you to me.
half squirrel half girl – came to the main page

There were the usual queries about bars and the dog in the movie Half Baked. Squirrel violence was of course a theme, and links to references to various bars around the western US. A new addition to the list of usual suspects is H i g h w a y 60.

What does it say when every Sunday and holiday sees a surge in queries about how to c o o k e g g s? I imagine it goes much like this in countless households across the free world:

Man: No honey, seriously. I’ll cook up a nice breakfast for you.
Woman: Really?
Man: Sure. I didn’t starve before I met you, you know.
Obviously, they both think, regarding his belly, but neither says it out loud.
Man: How do you like your eggs?
Woman: O v e r e a s y.
Man: Me, too! That’s great! Instead of going to the kitchen, he goes to the office and sits down in front of the computer. Lord, I don’t ask you for much, but please let there be step-by-step instructions for cooking eggs the way she likes them.

Luckily, man finds my page on the subject. There’s no page better (in my opinion), but it just scratches the surface. Alas, man doesn’t know that toast takes surprisingly long compared to the time the egg is in the pan. He doesn’t know the pros and cons of leaving a few crispy critters from the bacon in the pan while he cooks up the eggs. He doesn’t know about controlling the perimeter of the egg as it drops into the pan, and the crucial role pan heat plays in that. He doesn’t even know if she likes her eggs sprawling or contained. There’s not much I can do for that individual but tell him the first rule. Don’t flip too soon. If I wasn’t so behind already, I’d devote a chapter of my NaNoWriMo novel to cooking the perfect o v e r e a s y egg.

In that context, I am the Lord’s cruel tease. Man will read my episode and think he’s got it well in hand, but in the end it takes practice to get the huevos just right. The pan is never the same temperature twice, so I can’t say exactly how many seconds to wait before the flip. You just have to feel it.

Movies and accidents of fate

Posted on November 21, 2004 by Jerry

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One time on late-night television, Letterman or something of that sort, Tom Hanks was interviewed. I guess at some point in the past he was in a movie where a dog was a major character. I remember if vaguely; I believe the dog’s slobber was as much a character as the dog. Tidy people forced to live with big sloppy dogs is a Hollywood staple. Not as common as the fifty attempts each year to recreate the odd couple with guns, but there are obviously many producers who read Marmaduke and somehow haven’t realized that the implicit punchline (Boy! That’s a big dog!) hasn’t changed since the first frame was drafted many years ago.

This has nothing to do with what I intended to write about tonight, but if Marmaduke were to choke to death on Garfield’s corpse, the world would be a better place. I know, I don’t have to read them, and I don’t, but my newspaper is paying – giving someone else money – to put that crap in when their whole business is selling space to other people. But enough of that.

I guess the Hanks-dog movie didn’t do so well. So there was Tom, sitting smugly in the guest chair, and rightfully so as I think at that point he’d picked up two oscars in a row, lovingly bashing on Gary Sinese for dragging him down, and the dog movie comes up. The Hankster said something like, “We forgot the hollywood rule. Never kill the dog.”

I just got done watching The Road Warrior. There is only one line I would change in the whole movie. He comes staggering out of the tent and says “I’ll drive the tanker.” There’s some argument, and then he says to the leader, “I’m the best chance you’ve got.” That’s the line I would have changed. ‘Cause really, he doesn’t know how tough the others are, and he’s pretty banged up. I would have written, “They killed my dog.”

I had a housemate once, one of the lowest people ever to walk the Earth. Listing his sins would have to be a whole nother episode. But when I list his sins, the one I finish with was, “and he’s mean to his dog.” Truly, some of his other, um… habits… were more despicable and more harmful. He was a blight on the planet. But his poor dog’s brain was entirely dedicated to pleasing him. I’m digressing again.

In Road Warrior, the bad guys kill the dog (whose name is ‘dog’) in cold blood, while Dog is defending its master. (Incidentally, the dog in question bears a striking resemblance to John and Janice’s dog Jesse, but with a lot more tail.) In that same movie, there is the amazon warrior, up on the tanker as it blasts out of the compound. If I’m not mistaken (and when was the last time that happened?) her last line was “I was wrong about you.” I have seen the movie more than once before, but my reaction every time her body is torn from the barbed wire to bounce across the highway, transfored from being a warrior to being a traffic hazard, has always been the same. “They can’t kill her!” They killed her, and left her on the side of the road for the buzzards to clean up. Not even a pause in the pacing of the film to let us feel the tragedy. Just another casualty. You wonder how she lived so long, being so brave.

The title at the top of this episode promised you an accident of fate, and looking back I may have oversold. But, when looking up the name of the warrior woman, who had a fierceness but carried a lot of freight when she said “I was wrong”, I ran across an actor whose name is… Boulder Road Warrior. Now I could be wrong, but I’m guessing that’s not what his momma named him. The name of the movie he was in was Twister:A Musical Catastrophe. Yeah, I’d change my name, too. Possibly I’d change it to Joe Blow or something like that. Boulder Road Warrior. Imagine you’re casting a film and that name comes across your desk underneath the head shot. There’s an agent crying to be fired.

In one of those Lethal Weapon movies they kill the girl, and wasn’t he the guy in payback, where they kill his dog and his wife? The dog is a much more sympathetic character, but you know sittin here typin I have to take my hat off to Mel, that he turned what for Tom was a Hollywood mistake into a great role. More than once.

Gotta sign off now, I’m playing the soundtrack to Get Crazy, and damn if it ain’t the best movie soundtrack ever.

If a tree Googles in the forest, does it make a sound?

Posted on November 16, 2004 by Jerry

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Yes, it’s high time to take a look at the accidents that bring people here. For that is what brings most people here – blind chance and the whim of Google and the other search engines. In the past I have obfuscated some terms by using pig latin to prevent future searches from coming to the google page instead of the rightful target page. This time I’m inserting spaces in the words instead. It makes it easier to read, even if it’s not as fun.

witchcraft in springerville arizona – linked to the general road trip page. Part of the match was me telling about H i g h w a y 60
pup that ass – linked to an episode about Spike falling on his ass while trying to pee. But what were they really looking for?
bobbi hall boobs six – the Bobbi I met only has two.
enormous bosom – Bobbi again
Writing a good E U L A – One of my more important public services
h i g h w a y 60 New Mexico – links to ann episode with lots of good stories in the comments as well.
crystals feet sex – linked here
“passed out” marker – top of the list! Links to the episode where Jojo became my beer slave
positive things about drinking – they came to the right place
pitchers of hairstyles – Got more than one of these. I am popular among stylists who can’t spell.
“automobilization of America” – guess I can’t copyright that phrase. I used it here , but it is a theme in many posts.
iggy trumpet San diego – linked here; another one where you just have to wonder what they were actually hoping to find.
G i l l i g a n colour pics – links to the “Call me G i l l i g a n” series, which starts with a more muddled than usual ramble here
“friends bugging each other” “need space” – I’m an expert on bugging people. Links to a G i l l i g a n episode.
what to eat with b e e r c h e e s e s o u p – One of several searches that came to the right place
prenostalgia – It’s a nice word, I’m not surprised someone else thought of it too.
what is the state of alabama currently doing to curb de homeless? – de same thing as every other state – damn little
montana cactus thorn hand injury – clearly looking for something specific, and they got me instead.
man p e r f u m e manual – Another public service to be found here
pimp my peterbilt – the search phrase is more interesting than the the thing it linked to
fun getting get drunk – linked here. Obviously the searcher didn’t really need my help.
america as granfalloon – mentioned offhandedly here (Jesse’s comment is more interesting than the episode) – it just feels good to me that someone else thinks that way.
six bucket coltrane – amazing coincidence that all three of those words appeared in a single episode. Six Bucket Coltrane. That has a nice ring to it.
m e g a n smells – links to one of my more important public service announcements
baby ocelot pictures – linked to another Google episode, not to the original elevator ocelot rutabaga entry. It was the word baby that did it, but it’s nice to see ocelot show up now and then.
Suicide Meter – Linked to this episode, rather than SSDC – some good comments in there.
heard the voice of god while watching creatures – went to the homeless tour category page; where I would be stunned to learn that he who sought did find
tweaker whore san diego – sweeeeet.
tell her goodbye – linked to G o o d b y e, R o s e

In a given day, about 30% of the people that come to this site are looking for advice on how to cook eggs. I think the ratio is higher on the weekends. Lots of people find their way here looking up specific bars I have mentioned. A m y’s car generates a lot of hits. I’ll have to see if there’s a song by that title or something, because they come from all over the world. x r a y g o g s still brings ’em in as well. Finally I get a lot of hits when people search on the phrase “P r o u d to be A m e r i c a n”. I expect they’re disappointed by what they find.

There you have it! Did you find this site through a search? I’d love to hear from you!

Pivovarský Dům

Posted on November 9, 2004 by Jerry

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Snow is falling wetly outside my window, though it is still too warm for it to stick to anything. I get the impression that Prague rarely gets the winter wonderland look. I am sitting in my bed, 1.5 liters of Dobrá Voda at my side, replenishing my precious bodily fluids. They seem to be depleted this morning.

Pivovarský is Czech for brewery. Dúm, I believe, translates to “One heck of a good time.” Or was it “Yummy?” I know Marianna used that word more than once as we reduced the world beer supply half a liter at at time. At some point during the exercise we ordered fried Camembert with cranberry sauce – also yummy. “We already have bread,” Marianna said, pointing to her beer. I had several orders of bread last night.

Another reason I need to learn czech quickly: over the course of my journey I have become mildly skilled at flirting with waitresses and bartenders. It’s going to take some intensive study before I’ll be able to do that here. The waitress last night wasn’t really a flirtation candidate, but I realized that an important part of my bar-going experience was missing.

When we got back home Marianna pulled a big ‘ol bottle of Gambrinus out of the fridge. Of course, I couldn’t let her drink alone, so she pulled out a bottle for me as well. Yummy indeed. The stockpile in the fridge was greatly reduced last night. We talked about stuff and nonsense and listened to Irish music. Dang, I love Irish music. Out on the road it served as a great loneliness enhancer. It seems even in the happy songs there is a trace of sadness, and in most songs someone either dies or leaves home forever. Good stuff.

I have not heard Marianna stirring yet this morning. If she is suffering any ill effects, she will blame the fact that she had two different kinds of beer, not that she had so many beers. I think she will miss the snow; the flakes are fewer and falling faster as they melt on their trip down from the featureless gray sky.

Halloween

Posted on October 30, 2004 by Jerry

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I went out with Jesse to Joe and Jo’s last night. We sat in the cool, misty night air under the awning on the front patio and enjoyed the smoke-free atmosphere. We talked about a lot of stuff, like being happy and liking beer, about the perfect buzz, about the past and about the future. There was no table service out there, but Kelly brought us one round after I reminded her that we were her favorite customers. How that fact had up until then escaped her I’m not sure. It was a fine evening, and most congenial.

After a while a large group of kids (they seemed like kids to me anyway) gathered on the patio, all in costume. It was a birthday party. I remembered why I like Halloween so much. I’m not into getting all dressed up myself (the time I went as a ho to a Pimp ‘n’ Ho party notwithstanding), but I do enjoy seeing other people all dressed up. Especially people younger and more attractive than I am.

“That girl in the black angel costume is really cute,” Jesse said. “You should hit on her.” I just laughed. Jesse perhaps had been misled by my easy banter with Kelly the waitress and thought I could use that ability to cut a particular woman out of her party and strike up a conversation. I bet you could train a sheepdog to help with something like that. It would make a good beer comercial anyway – you could start with footage from a real sheepdog competition where the dog is separating the indicated sheep from the rest of the herd and cut to some jolly happy outdoor party scene and have a guy indicate which girl he’s interested in. The dog would run off and be cute and adorable and all that, and slowly pull her out of the party so the guy could strike up a happy jolly conversation with her. It has nothing to do with beer, but not many beer commercials do.

But I digress. Something about the beers last night is making it hard for me to stay on one subject this morning. I had no specially trained border collie, and really no urge to even try. Anyway, there is a crucial difference between chatting with a waitress and striking up a conversation with a stranger. The hired help has to laugh at my jokes and at least stay close long enough to see if I need anything. They’re a captive audience. That gives me the time I need to wear them down to the point where someday they actually are happy to see me. I estimate that takes about three and a half weeks of regular exposure.

In fact, this is a measure of just how successful I was with Kelly. I had the camera with me last night, so I decided to take her picture. She was bussing tables on the patio and I held up the camera and said, “Hold still.” She held still and smiled dutifully, but it was gloomy outside and my first attempt didn’t come out well. “Can I move yet?” she asked. “Hold on one more sec,” I said. “Because it’s raining out here,” she finished. I made some big points then. (In my own defense she did come in under the awning and give me another chance to take her picture.)

It will be interesting to see how much the process is further slowed when I’m unable to flash my rapier wit in Czech. (When I put it that way, maybe it’ll help if they can’t understand what I’m saying.) I should be working harder to learn the tongue of my soon-to-be-adopted home. They conjugate nouns there, those wacky czechs.

I wonder if American Culture Poisoning has grown in the Czech Republic to the extent that people dress up for halloween. I hope so. That’s something I’ll miss.

See? I got back to the original topic eventually.

I’ve noticed a lot of people here in the coffee shop with buck teeth this morning.

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Request For Proposals

Posted on October 29, 2004 by Jerry

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By far the most entries in this blog have been in the category “Jer’s Homeless Tour”. Not surprising, really, since that’s been the center of my life for seven months. In a few days, however, I will have a home again, in faraway Prague, and the name will no longer fit. So here’s the plan: You guys submit suggestions for what the next phase of the journey should be titled, then we can vote on them in a poll, with maximum ballot box stuffing. Jesse already had a suggestion, but I’ll let him post it up in a comment.

So what’s it going to be, guys?

Apologies for the Silence

Posted on October 21, 2004 by Jerry

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Just a quickie here to explain my relative silence. The problem is that Bill is such a good host. When I go to the bar he comes to, so I leave my technology behind. Then he’s driving which means I’m not (he won’t fit in my car) which means, well, bring on the Big-Ass Beers! That means when I get home I have lots of things to say but not the fingers to say them with.

Oh, all right. The real reason is the game he has on his computer that swallowed my brain for a few days. But that’s all going to change today. I’m going to a bar and I’m taking my laptop with me, by gum!

On an unrelated note, Squirrel Chatter is at an all-time high, and — AND — yesterday as I was pusing my flat-tire bike (healthy lifestyle courtesy Bill) the Black Squirrel of San Angelo scampered across my path. I am not sure what evil this portends, but please take the necessary precautions.

Finally, Haloscan seems to be having trouble right now. If it weren’t for all the comments already in their system, I would consider switching. Hopefully by the time you read this the problem will be fixed.

In Google We Trust

Posted on October 21, 2004 by Jerry

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As those have been around know, sometimes I like to take a look at the searches that lead people to this site. Sometimes I put the search string in pig latin here so the actual search will still go to the intended episode. This episode is not as well cross-referenced as previous ones, but on dialup it’s just too painful to go back and look up the episodes that were hit.

XML RSS feed seduction – I’ve always found RSS to be pretty sexy too.
horrible accident pictures – I hope that my lovely words overcame their morbid fascination. I probably just fed it.
all curse words in pig latin – I guess they couldn’t uckingfay do it themselves.
“steve martin” “no pants” – now there’s a real fan.
free parking lot sex meps – Ooo! I want one! It’s the word meps that brought them to me.
sweaty ass damp pants – no comment
spaceshipone escape velocity – get this one pretty often. No, kids, it does not reach escape velocity. Not even close. Not even close to close.
rain water and grain alcohol – it’s all about purity of essence
stuff that’s in montana like mountains and some other things – it’s the other things that interest me most
unkyhay esusjay ontestcay – interest is starting to pick up on that topic again.
amy car – may it rest in peace. On an italian search site this blog came up in the top slot!
sweaty ass problem – it’s never been a problem for me
drunk women get haircuts – a new reality show?
JOJO HOW OLD IS SHE – I’m not telling, but she’s been my beer slave for a long, long time. I guess Jojo is also some up-and-coming kid pop star. Just what we need.
drink shots get drunk – You’ve come to the right place, baby!
Fuck everyone poems – I’m going to have to look around for those myself.
2th birthday game ideas – I’m sure among us we can come up with some good suggestions…
my college sex tour – That’s what I’m dong wrong! I’m not going to colleges and having sex!
peterbilt bumper chicken lights – for truckers who already have the flashing pink flamingos.
elk poop picture – I should have taken some better shots when I was in Yellowstone. Here’s the best I have.

Well! That’s quite a list and there’s lots more I left off. Of course there were the usual searches for culinary advice and squirrel violence, and many for bars, especially the tourist trap in Jackson Hole.

On a barely-related note, the SSDC episode was linked on some site called madville.com on Monday. Wow! by far my biggest day ever, but not one person left a comment.