If a tree Googles in the forest, does it make a sound?

Yes, it’s high time to take a look at the accidents that bring people here. For that is what brings most people here – blind chance and the whim of Google and the other search engines. In the past I have obfuscated some terms by using pig latin to prevent future searches from coming to the google page instead of the rightful target page. This time I’m inserting spaces in the words instead. It makes it easier to read, even if it’s not as fun.

  • witchcraft in springerville arizona – linked to the general road trip page. Part of the match was me telling about H i g h w a y 60
  • pup that ass – linked to an episode about Spike falling on his ass while trying to pee. But what were they really looking for?
  • bobbi hall boobs six – the Bobbi I met only has two.
  • enormous bosom – Bobbi again
  • Writing a good E U L A – One of my more important public services
  • h i g h w a y 60 New Mexico – links to ann episode with lots of good stories in the comments as well.
  • crystals feet sex – linked here
  • “passed out” marker – top of the list! Links to the episode where Jojo became my beer slave
  • positive things about drinking – they came to the right place
  • pitchers of hairstyles – Got more than one of these. I am popular among stylists who can’t spell.
  • “automobilization of America” – guess I can’t copyright that phrase. I used it here , but it is a theme in many posts.
  • iggy trumpet San diego – linked here; another one where you just have to wonder what they were actually hoping to find.
  • G i l l i g a n colour pics – links to the “Call me G i l l i g a n” series, which starts with a more muddled than usual ramble here
  • “friends bugging each other” “need space” – I’m an expert on bugging people. Links to a G i l l i g a n episode.
  • what to eat with b e e r c h e e s e s o u p – One of several searches that came to the right place
  • prenostalgia – It’s a nice word, I’m not surprised someone else thought of it too.
  • what is the state of alabama currently doing to curb de homeless? – de same thing as every other state – damn little
  • montana cactus thorn hand injury – clearly looking for something specific, and they got me instead.
  • man p e r f u m e manual – Another public service to be found here
  • pimp my peterbilt – the search phrase is more interesting than the the thing it linked to
  • fun getting get drunk – linked here. Obviously the searcher didn’t really need my help.
  • america as granfalloon – mentioned offhandedly here (Jesse’s comment is more interesting than the episode) – it just feels good to me that someone else thinks that way.
  • six bucket coltrane – amazing coincidence that all three of those words appeared in a single episode. Six Bucket Coltrane. That has a nice ring to it.
  • m e g a n smells – links to one of my more important public service announcements
  • baby ocelot pictures – linked to another Google episode, not to the original elevator ocelot rutabaga entry. It was the word baby that did it, but it’s nice to see ocelot show up now and then.
  • Suicide Meter – Linked to this episode, rather than SSDC – some good comments in there.
  • heard the voice of god while watching creatures – went to the homeless tour category page; where I would be stunned to learn that he who sought did find
  • tweaker whore san diego – sweeeeet.
  • tell her goodbye – linked to G o o d b y e, R o s e

In a given day, about 30% of the people that come to this site are looking for advice on how to cook eggs. I think the ratio is higher on the weekends. Lots of people find their way here looking up specific bars I have mentioned. A m y’s car generates a lot of hits. I’ll have to see if there’s a song by that title or something, because they come from all over the world. x r a y g o g s still brings ’em in as well. Finally I get a lot of hits when people search on the phrase “P r o u d to be A m e r i c a n”. I expect they’re disappointed by what they find.

There you have it! Did you find this site through a search? I’d love to hear from you!

149 thoughts on “If a tree Googles in the forest, does it make a sound?

  1. Hi Keith,

    You throw quite a stone from a state with a “movie star” governor, and you touch a nerve in WA (aka the new FL) where we hope to one day have a system of democracy that functions as well as, say, Ukraine’s.

    As Jer points out, Mr7K (who is, I believe, in remission) will always be a pervious MOH.

    However, as the site meter approaches the 9Kish range, I wonder if there are any declared front runners. Will we have to settle for another 1Kish visitors under the non-leadership of another egg frier?

  2. Guess what?!? It’s me!

    When I first checked in this AM, I was visitor #8,998. Then, I ran an errand (took my daughter to basketball practice), and when I got back and logged on again the site meter read 9K1.

    In the interest of uniting rather than dividing, I invite pL to check the site meter and concur with my conclusion.

  3. On the other hand, who is cna.org?

    When I go to the site meter, it shows 9,002 visitors (even though it really did show 9,001 when I first loaded the page) with me at the top. How can this be? Does it not include a person’s visit in the total when it first displays the count?

  4. Evidently, cna.org is interested in 25 hour days. One can only wonder what he or she is looking for and whether or not he or she found it on MR&HBI.

    I do hope cna.org will post a comment and explain.

    By the way, I heard that the earthquake in the Indian Ocean made the earth more compact which had the effect of speeding up the earth’s rotation and, therefore, shortening the day by a fraction of a second. It appears that cna.org’s goal is getting farther away.

  5. The order in that list is determined by the time of the last page you loaded, not the first, so the order can change. I am currently reviewing the arrival times of each contender.

    And Bob, are you stealing internet access from your former employer?

  6. Oh, the the 25-hour day searcher went through nine pages of google results before deciding that Ely (rhymes with mealy) Redux was what they were looking for.

  7. I’m going to have to do some testing to see if there is an off-by-one error in sitemeter’s reporting. (My visits currently don’t increment the counter.) If there is an off-by-one error as posts by both Bob and Brian would indicate, I will go by the number the visitor sees, rather than the number in the sitemeter report, since many visitors won’t know where to look for the report.

    That would make Bob the millennial office holder.

    I’ll let you know after I conduct my tests.

  8. Hello All,

    Now that I am officially MOH9K1, I would like to respond to a couple of the above challenges.

    First, I am not stealing interent access from my former employer. Today is my last day in the office with HHT (although, by working(??) today I will get paid for the New Year’s Eve Holiday, tomorrow), so I am procrastinating my primary task for today, packing up my office, to spend quality time on MR&HBI. HHT will shut off my network access later today.

    Second, I voted only once in the WA Goobernatorial election (and Jeni canceled out my vote) which is headed into its third month of suffering as a result of the calls by the GOP candidate, who won the first two [machine] counts but lost the third [manual] count, for a re-vote. The parallels with the Ukraine get stronger by the week. Now, if only some orange clad “campers” would take up residence in Olympia …

  9. First time I’ve ever heard the euphemism “taking my daughter to basketball practice” used to describe wildly logging on and off multiple computers while wasting soon-to-be-ex-fellow employees’ time by asking them to do the same so that the hearthnhome domain would be MrHOH. Sheesh, no wonder he was asked by his employer to take ‘early retirement.’

    Given all of the questions surrounding the veracity of automated visit counting by sitemeter, I respectfully request a manual recount.

    Happy New Year, all.

  10. Readers of this thread should note that the sniping has moved to an email thread between Mr7K and myself with a few feckless observers forced to follow along because they can’t get off our cc list.

    Needless to say, he is getting the better of me on it.

  11. I should also point out that Bob chose to take the sniping off this forum by initiating the email chain. I was perfectly happy exchanging my well-reasoned arguments with his hysterical broadsides here in this public forum.

    Although I cannot crawl inside his twisted mind (nor would I want to), I can only imagine initiating the email chain was his dastardly plot to kill off this comment chain, most populous and long lived of all MR&HBI progeny. I further surmise the plot was born in a fit of jealousy that it was I, not he, who initiated it.

    I hereby appeal to the CNA to change the name of this thread in the “Favorite Threads” section from Mr7K to Crystals Feet Sex as both

    1) well deserved punishment, and

    2) to better reflect the true content of the thread.

  12. At the implied request of Jer for public rather than semi-private sniping:

    A.) It’s the CNPA (not that anyone bothers getting on Keith’s case for inaccuracies),

    B.) why not just change the name of this thread to “egregious self-aggrandizement schemes” (Keith 11/20) since one of the primary reasons it is the “most populous and long lived of all MR&HBI progeny” (Keith 1/5) has been Keith’s shameless self-congratulation (e.g. 11/20) and dogged attempts to prolong the discussion (e.g. 12/20, 1/05), and

    C.) “The legacy of Mr7k is as much about what lies ahead as it is about what lies behind.” (Jer’s 12/15 episode).

    Consequently, let us toast the impending arrival of Oughto Oughto Day. (As in Keith oughto oughto to move on some day.) Toast!


  13. I could reference the post above where CNA.org is used, but I don’t need to justify myself nor bore the reader. It is a sure sign of the cornered, defeated man with nothing new to say for himself when he resorts to throwing others’ words back at them.

  14. Excerpts from Mr11k3’s Inaugural Address:

    “Esteemed Pervious Millennial Office Holders, distinguished guests and my fellow netizens, the peaceful transfer of authority is rare in history, and unheard of in this comment thread. With a simple power-grab, we affirm traditions so new the ink hasn’t yet dried, and try to conceive of undetectable forms of corruption.

    As I begin, I would thank Bob and pL for their selfless service, but really, what have they ever done for me? I drink just as much beer now as I did before the Mission Statement. And pL, he sure does yap a lot about conspiracies ‘n stuff.

    And I thank all the other commentators for a contest that ended with their losing and my winning.

    I am… honestly, a little underwhelmed to hold this office, an office that basically none of America’s leaders have ever heard of, a reality that isn’t going to change any time soon. Not so underwhelmed, however, that I didn’t put a little effort into becoming Mr11k3, once I saw that I was visitor 11,001 and then, with one reload, visitor 11,002. Oh and by the way, I took a screen-shot of the counter showing I was visitor 11,003, so let’s not have any of that hanging-chad, manual-recount crap.

    We have a place, all of us, well, some of us, in a long comment thread–a thread I continue, and whose end we will all probably see when HaloScan goes bankrupt. It is a thread that started with the immortal words ‘crystals feet sex link,’ and devolved into petty squabbling over a meaningless office, a thread that didn’t contain enough squirrels, or poetry, and only the faintest whiff of sex (solely because of the opening words, I might add).


    We are this thread’s co-authors, wasting time and server space to no purpose. Yet achieving this lack of purpose is our duty, and our duty is fulfilled in lack of achievable purpose.

    Never alert, never unyielding, never finishing, we renew that lack today, to make this comment thread longer and… well, longer, to affirm the meaninglessness of our lives.

    This thread continues. It goes on and on. And an angel still sits on the head of a pin and thinks, ‘Golly! Is this uncomfortable!’

    My handlers are waving frantically at me, so I guess I’m done. Bye now!”

  15. I’m thus inspired to announce the theme of my MOHency:

    “Welcome To the Vomitorium!


    This Way To the Egress”

    Yep, I waffle even in my sound-bytes.

  16. Mr 11k3, have you attempted to fend off a challenge for the next 109008 visits? The despotism started by pL continues. There shall be no new MoH until 120011 (per the great Jer’s counter).

    [Site Meter]

    Millennial Office Holder: The Mr11k3

    Next Big Number: 120011

  17. Apparently I won by such a landslide that my reign, I mean my term, was extended in advance.

    I humbly accept, and should mention that my legal team is prepared to pounce, should any namby-pamby term limiters challenge the official Next Big Number.

    Anyone who would issue such a challenge is obviously out of step with… well, whatever would be most politically damaging to be out of step with.

  18. John,

    I couldn’t be happier with this change in direction in this thread and the tenor of the debate. Now we’re gonna see some real changes around here, I know it. It all started when they began adding flouride to the water and preview to the comments. Or maybe it was the giant iron babies with a single stinkin’ eye. Whatever. Rock on, and know that the silent majority supports you.

  19. John (I mean the Mr11K3),

    Congratulations. I’m delighted its you rather than an egg fryer (or more pL).


    Welcome to the distinguished ranks of the pervious.

    And speaking of interesting typos, I’m curious to hear more about fogrotten feelings. Did the fog cause the feelings to spoil? Are people in San Franciso or London at greater risk?

  20. Jer said something about haikus need to have a bit about nature or something, so there you go, fog. I think, as far as Fluoride (shown in studies to increase susceptibility to suggestion – so be sure and have lots for the Stupor Bowl!) the Americans are at a greater risk of Fog Rotting (note the subtle metaphor here for television). As we all know, the folks in Brittan have given up caring for their teeth.

    It seems you might just prove yourself worthy to be considered for induction as a Babelist, I’ll get back to you on that one, for it’s a fine line between Babelist and Anti-Babelist.

  21. Actually, I’m forming a splinter group – The Peoples’ Front for Babelism.

    We will celebrate and advance the term “fogrotten”. Not only can feelings be fogrotten, but also places can be fogrotten (Jessup, GA; Deming, NM; Socorro,NM used to be, but based on Jer’s latest trip report, it might not be anymore), jobs can be fogrotten, and even potatos can be fogrotten.

    Verily, fogrotten shall be an important plank (along with increasing the use of adverbs) of our platform.

  22. Bob, you don’t realize how much you have/will have helped our future world. Orwell would be proud. You are truly a Babalist, even in your subsetatude. A curse of understanding on those who desciminate. Perhaps you are less pervious than you so readily show.

  23. I attempted to look up “subsetatude”, but it is understandably difficult for printed dictionaries to keep up with pL given that he is so fully free of the earthly bounds of spelling or grammar.

    While I couldn’t find “subsetatude”, the entry “subshrub” caught my eye and inspired this:

    Future U.S. Pres

    Fogrotten subshruberry

    Jenna Bush Oh Dear

  24. Subsetatude (sub-set-a-tude) – the art being a subset of, subsetting oneself while still remaining in the group as a whole, especially in Southern California.

    We should all learn to remove ourselves from the aging bounds of ‘traditional’ grammar, for it is then we will finally be able to communicate, foggily or otherwise.

  25. Ok Bob, but I’m forming a subsetatude group, “The Babelism People’s Front!” The BPF to your PFB, if you will.

    Our motto: “They shall not be fogrotten.”

  26. Oh, Socorro is definitely no longer fogrotten. After all, the Socorro Springs Brewing Company was the first legal brewery in the state since Prohibition ended.

    Funny thing, it only took a couple of weeks to brew its first batch of brew … sorta like Budweiser, which shipped its first batch the day Prohibition ended. Except one might actually expect Bud to have been brewed in only a day!

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