Ah, Football

Apparently Thursday is the day to start NFL preseason games. I’m at a bar writing unit tests for my new project, and I have these observations:

1) People care an awful lot about the outcomes of games in which guys on your team who will be cut before the season starts play against guys on the other team who will be cut before the season starts.

2) The perfect football moment. A guy made a good catch. To celebrate he spun the ball on the ground like a top. The refs then took a full minute to penalize him for delay of game.

3) I’ve mentioned before that were I coach, I’d not be playing to win at all; rather I’d be digging deep holes for the team to see how my players respond. It would be a giant gut-check the whole night, an undying series of do-or-die moments. It’s only fair to the guys on the bubble to have a chance to show who they really are when things get tough. That’s what preseason is for, right?

But football is on the TV’s here and that means summer is coming to an end. To be honest, I welcome the cooler weather, but it’s this time every year when I consider that I will only know a finite number of football seasons on this lovely-if-frustrating orb. The players are younger, the announcers are older, and another summer is coming to a close. I love summer; my emotions have not forgotten the magic of summer vacation.

In my heart, I’m still that kid; in my soul, I have gathered a lot of wisdom over the years. In my knee, there is a constant reminder that things are changing and will not change back.

And so football arrives again, my knee saying “see? I told you so.” Time does what time does. And the referees delay the game to penalize players for delaying the game.


Patio Life: California

I was looking for something cool and fizzy to sip on the patio this evening, and the Official Sweetie of Muddled Ramblings and Half-Baked Ideas suggested a Gin and Tonic, with some fancy tonic already cold in the fridge. I’m not ordinarily a G&T kind of guy, but the idea fit conditions perfectly.

Then she said, “Ooo! You want a lime? I’ll go out and pick you a lime.”



Attention White House Staff: There’s a Grownup in Charge Now

Image stolen from cnn article linked below.

The Mooch made history by lasting just over a week in the White House. There are people who theorize that he was hired just to get Reince Priebus to resign, much the way a baseball manager will bring in a relief pitcher to face only one batter. Honestly, I don’t think Trump is engaged enough to come up with anything that clever.

Trump broke his own record this month for playing golf. For Trump, the best outcome for his presidency is impeachment; he has no interest in governing and now his Russia boondoggles are starting to surface. Being president, he has already admitted, is way harder than he thought it would be. As the castle crumbles, he’s working on his putts.

If he’s impeached, he can blame Washington insiders for his failure. He can go home early and rant and rave about how the system was rigged against him. If instead the electorate votes overwhelmingly for “not Trump”, it’s a tougher lie to tell.

But here comes John Kelly. Kelly had hardly finished accepting the job when he burned rubber to Anthony Scaramucci’s office to give him the heave-ho. That was a message to the rest of the staff, and it was a message to you and me. Guys with so little self-control that they make insane, profanity-laced rants about their co-workers (the word “cocaine” whispers across my mind once again) will not be tolerated. Well, one of them will, but no others.

Kelly comes from Homeland Security, which means he hates freedom. Your freedom, my freedom. Homeland Security is designed to curtail freedom. But you know what? He’s better than Trump. He’s a grown-up. (He probably also isn’t pals with one of the greatest enemies of our state.) Also, he’s better than Pence — as far as I know so far. So if Trump hits the links and leaves Kelly in charge, that might actually be a good thing in the short term.

In the long term, the harder Trump falls the longer it will take for the WWE Party to recover. It’s enticing, but this is my country we’re talking about. It would be nice if someone rational were in charge.


Funkin Serial Fiction

So it comes down to this: out in chapter thirty-something things really fall into place if chapter one included one extra act of violence.

My advice to serial writers: When blood spills, go ahead an kill an extra person when you can. That corpse might come in handy later.

Kids These Days Don’t Know How Good they Have It

It occurred to me today, as I spent less than sixty seconds ordering a pizza, paying for it, and arranging to have it delivered to my home, that kids these days will never appreciate how rough it was back in the day. They’ll never know the difficulty of calling for pizza on the telephone, talking to someone who is in a loud environment and just wants to get the transaction done quickly, who may or may not get your order written down correctly.

THEN you have to give your address (even if you’ve ordered from them before), and all your payment information (even if it’s the same as last time). THEN you had to pay for the pie and tip the driver when it arrives at your door.

Man, what a hassle.

Happy Net Neutrality Day

We say “happy” before the oddest of holidays. “Happy Memorial Day?” I’m supposed to be happy thinking of the deaths of literally millions of heroes. So yeah, “happy” here is ironic.

Before I go any farther, let me just say “Comcast sucks.”

If you’re a Comcast customer, it’s entirely possible that at this time next year, you won’t be able to read my blog. Their robots will have trawled across this post and decided that, based on the phrase in the previous paragraph, that they would prefer not to deliver the words I write to you.

And if the current administration gets its way, that will be perfectly legal.

Let’s say your Internet provider is a staunch supporter of whoever the current dipshit is living in the White House. They could block dissenting views about that dipshit from ever reaching you. They could stop you from expressing your views about the dipshit.

That’s… a problem. Your best friend in the fight for freedom is The Electronic Frontier Foundation. If they haven’t been blocked by your Internet provider, go visit and learn what you, a simple Internet user can do… and what you have to lose.


Wait, wasn’t there a story here?

There was. Now there’s not. Sorry. Turns out my flight of fancy might have legs. Sorry for the tease.