When in Googlopolis, Google

I’ve started compiling this list as I see interesting searches, so it’s less work when the list gets long enough to push out. As usual, certain words are obfuscated by adding spaces so the search engines won’t get distracted and bring people to this page instead of the original.

  • czech holiday cursing – man, I wish I had the answers for the implied question here.
  • picture sex accident – although ‘accident’ describes almost my entire sex life, I have no pictures to prove it. The searcher was drawn to perhaps my most enticing episode title ever: S e x, D e a t h, and Words.
  • 2004 hands hard body – they came here, but I’m not sure how. I couldn’t find myself anywhere in the search.
  • mopar tits – you know the best ones are from NAPA. Just ask B o b b i.
  • beer commercial ideas – when some company plays my brother’s life as a beer commercial, who gets the royalties? But wait! No! This linked to my own sheepdog to cut a cutie out of the herd idea. If this does show up as a beer commercial, you will never hear the end of how it was stolen from me. so let’s all cross our fingers, shall we?
  • pee for distance – oh, man, it tickles me the searches I score high on. In this case a perfectly erudite treatise on ageing by a fellow bar patron.
  • she made me hard – I am honestly perplexed how I scored so high on that search. But the result is worth it. Shae has a wandering soul but a good heart.
  • gatorade sex – I don’t make this up, kids, I just report it.
  • jer’s hat rack plans – just gimme a minute. I’ll work up plans for the bast damn hat rack ever.
  • a list of things to write in others yearbooks – not a list, but a strong suggestion, and the coinage of prenostalgia and postcocious. (OK I admit, I’ve used prenostalgia before that)
  • A Musical Catastrophe – I have to admit, after digging into it farther, I really want to see that movie.
  • put eels in her ass – I almost didn’t include this one, but well, it’s kind of funny.
  • musical instrument powered by gravity kinetic and potential energy – John, I want a design in my desk by Friday.
  • the real King W i n c e s l a s – yes, he was Czech.
  • how to get d r u n k – unbelievable how often people come to me for that advice these days. How to do it quickly, how go do it to other people, and what to do once you get there. Of course, I take no pride at all in scoring high on Google for phrases that include “get d r u n k”. Too much of that and you’ll wind up like this.
  • feminine beer names – someone in the Air Force in Alaska needed to know.
  • in google we trust – the title to another episode like this one has now started drawing attention on its own. It’s all part of my plan to come out at the top when people google “Google”

I’m not sure why, but the word h a r d b o d y has been bringing a lot of people here. Just so you know: my body is not, nor has it ever been, hard.

Squirrel violence searches seem to on the rise, and of course the huevos bring ’em in by the dozen. (Of the last 100 people to visit the site, 18 came on egg searches.) The other usual suspects were all there as well, with bars in O c e a n B e a c h strongly represented in the last week.

3 thoughts on “When in Googlopolis, Google

  1. Boss,

    As HaloScan won’t accept attachments, and the parcel-blimp likely won’t make it to Prague by Friday, you’ll have to make due with written descriptions initially. Use your imagination.

    You know how to imagine, don’t you? Just put your lips together and suck. Remember to inhale.

    Sorry, confused Prague with Amsterdam for a moment…

    Anyway, the initial design for music powered, or at least inspired, by gravity kinetic and potential energy (not to mention alcohol) first reached your desk about 20 years ago. It involved a three-wheeled car called “The Jetster,” a band called “The Boys,” and a cartoon about a cliff. Remember? Was that prescient, or what?

    I’m prepared to accept my back pay, or at least a bonus (for reading-the- mind-of-a-employer-above-and-beyond- the-call-of-reality), any time.

    Current research is at a standstill and awaiting further venture capital. To whit: If you send me some bucks, I’ll push the sack of bag-pipists down the big hill, and throw the accordion-player off the cliff.

    (Honestly, I might chuck the accordion-player for the smallest of future considerations…)

  2. Have you had the pleasure of doing any more recording with the accordion chick, or is Polkacide rehearal enough to give you homicidal urges?

  3. Just jokin’. Maggie is one of the least annoying (ie, least audible) members of Polkacide.

    Her album is finished, and even available on Amazon.com.

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