Language Log is Ruining My Life

I mentioned before that I have added a link in the sidebar for Language Log, a blog that is the product of the musings of some (I am led to understand) pretty heavy names in the linguistics biz. That their writing is (generally) as accessible as it is interesting is a credit to them and a drug for me. It’s nice to find eggheads with a sense of humor.

Today I was drifting through the archives brushing up on profanity — how it’s encoded, and how it’s legislated, and what makes something taboo in the first place. Recently they have been posting comic pages that go “meta”, stepping outside the frame to look at just what is coming out of their mouths, as when Beetle Baily asks Sagre how a little flower symbol snuck into his invective. It reminded me of a time I actually laughed at The Wizard of Id:

PEASANT: I’m here about the job in the stables.
STABLE BOSS (holds out small object): What’s this?
PEASANT: Shinola
STABLE BOSS: You’re hired.

I laughed because a clean, family-oriented comic made a joke that was funny for no other reason than it made the reader think of the word “shit”. (It’s like saying to someone, “You’re full of something, and it’s not shinola.”) Certainly the lads in the stable refer to shoveling and various other animal waste-related activities, but this time, there was no escaping the shit — not the substance, but the word. The word is far more taboo than the offal it represents.

After that I read some stuff on recent debates about the nature of language. Some heavyweights in the field, including Chomsky (whose value to the science seems to be his ability to start fights), have proposed a definition for human language that damn near rules out Hemingway’s version of English. Some of those arguments were, admittedly, beyond me, but there is no doubt that my writing here, wandering and layered, a double-jointed drunkard lost in the desert (“recursive” is the word the wonks are all going on about these days), qualifies as human. The argument is that no other animal has true language, because other animals are not able to embed ideas within other ideas, and this embedding makes a language able to convey an infinite variety with a finite number of words. Or something like that.

Personally, I’m new to this game, and dangerously ignorant. As far as I can tell these arguments are all about the mechanics of the language, not what is done with it. If those guys asked me, the two distinguishing characteristics of humans are the ability to misuse tools and the ability to use metaphors. Other animals have developed primitive tool-using behaviors, but only people have invented screws and screwdrivers yet still pound screws in with hammers. Similarly, if you told Koko the gorilla, “You’re pounding a screw in with a hammer,” meaning she was going about something the wrong way, she would be confused because she did not even have a hammer. (Don’t give gorillas hammers. Trust me on this one.)

I’m pretty sure the folks in Language Log Plaza would consider the metaphor bit not to be germane to the current argument, which is OK for now as they are finding plenty of things to argue about already. But if they ever run dry, I’ve got a reservoir they can tap.

What a great job to have, where a major part of the job description is to sit around arguing about esoteric shit. To Koko, there is no shit that can’t be thrown.

2

A terribly trivial anniversary

I posted six episodes that day, an opening salvo to establish some of the themes of the blog. I mentioned my candidacy for President of the United States. I mentioned software and blimps. I told a story about an adventure on a previous visit to the Czech Republic, and I wondered whether using iBlog was really the way to go. (I’m still not sure, but 535 episodes and 4500 comments later, the thought of moving makes my head spin.) I posted a few more episodes in October, but November was a write-off, and things only went in fits and spurts until I decided to use the blog to chronicle my homeless tour. That’s when things started to gain traction.

Two years later, the title of this blog seems more appropriate than I ever could have imagined. It is a description not just of this blog, but of my life. I am a half-baked idea.

I’ll spare you further retrospectivosity until April 2th. Once a year is enough for that kind of thing.

The Trap

I think it started when an online Mac journal gave a glowing review of Jer’s Novel Writer some time last week. I’ve always had random people coming to the site, and most of them leave again, never to return. It will always be that way, and there’s no point worrying about them. Then there are the faithful few, the ones who’ve been here all along, posting or lurking as is their wont. These people know what they are getting into, and if I injure their brains it’s their own damn fault.

Now, however, there is a new category of visitor. These people come here because they are interested in the guy who wrote the software. I found myself thinking yesterday, “I should get a better episode up, so some of those visitors coming as a result of the review might come back – or at least not think that their favorite software was written by some crazed cretin who doesn’t know when to put a sentence out of its misery and go on to the next.”

That, of course is a slippery slope, changing my style to meet the tastes of some imagined constituency. I think I’m going to write an episode that’s really muddled just to snap out of it.

Oops. That’s the slope on the other side of the ridge. Gaah!

Whew!

The last guests are gone, fuego is out galavanting about somewhere, and I’ve got nothing on tap. I’ll come up with a new poll today, I think, but the best part is I have large blocks of time, multiple days in a row for the foreseeable future, and that means writing. Writing novels, to be more precice; I have managed to squeeze in time to bang out a few short stories, but most of them still need work. I did get one submitted to the Piker Press last night, but it may not be their style (although they always remind me they have no style). It just doesn’t have a very happy ending, and they’re generally a pretty jolly crowd. The last sentence is bugging me this morning, too, but I can’t put my finger on why.

Somehow fuego and I got a final draft of Pirates done as well; it’s a good story. We’ll find some way to get it made even if we don’t get selected for the shootout.

I’ll try to get some eels out soon, too. It’s getting a little more difficult now to just do a brain dump for an hour and have an episode, as the constraints of what I’ve said before and the need to actually have a plot make things more complicated. We’ll see if I can keep it fresh, as the kids say these days.

Glad to see the comments kept up during the period of less frequent and less creative episodes. Thanks, guys!

Finally, please note that I have changed the bar-counting criteria in the tours stats. I no longer include bars I went to with the primary intent of having a meal, eliminating about ten bar/restaurants from the list. I’m pretty sure there are a couple of places I went to while hanging out with my brothers friends that I never got on the list as well. Good times.

A quiet week in blogville

fuego is getting married this week, and I have been swept up in the activity, the non-stop go-go-go of preparation and hanging out with a bunch of people who are on vacation in a foreign country. I’m not even sure when I’ll be able to post this notification that I won’t be posting much.

Episodes should return to their irregular schedule around May 7th.

Productivity was never less productive

Instead of doing something useful, I spent the last little while taking a random sample of pages from the blog in an effort to estimate just how big this thing is. I sampled 20 episodes added up the word count, divided by 20 and multiplied by 427 (that total may include an episode or two that I never published). None of the randomly selected entries was an Eels episode, and one was a haiku.

The total? Almost 170,000 words, not counting the titles or the introductions. If it was a novel, it would be a very fat one. There’s a significance there, a message, but I sure don’t know what it is.

Programming Note

I’m giving more weight to new entries in the poetry rotation. I’m still experimenting with how much weight is appropriate and what the definition of new is, so we’ll see what happens. Meanwhile, for those keeping score at home, pL has nine poems in the rotation, followed by Bob with eight, and Carol Anne in a distant third with five.

There have been a couple of multi-verse submissions I’m still trying to figure out how to get into the rotation, and a couple that don’t physically fit in the space. I’ll think of something.

Addendum: Currently there are four guest poets for whom I have no image. If you don’t like the placeholder I gave you, send me something else. Adam’s placeholder is a lemur, in case you can’t tell.

Programming Note

What we’ve all been waiting for has finally arrived. Yes, now you too can look ahead to the many exciting holidays in the Muddled Year, and even help name some of them! Included also are moon phases, eclipses, and other fun stuff!

The URL for the calendar is:

http://ical.mac.com/vikingjs/MR38HBI

If you have a calendar program (e.g., iCal) that knows about the webcal:// protocol, you can subscribe to the calendar and be updated automatically as events are added or named. What fun!

There is a link to the calendar over in the sidebar in a section called “holiday ticker”, which alerts you to important events coming up in the Muddled Months ahead.

The Best 2004 Ever!

Well, I guess that about wraps it up for 2004. It’s been a heck of a year overall. I’m not going to recap it now – if you want to review it you can go back over the last 310 or so episodes. There are a couple things worth noting, however, looking back and looking forward.

I think over the year the quality of the writing here got better. I look back at some of my earlier favorite entries and they just feel a little sloppy. Sometimes sloppy is good—I’ll have to be careful not to become sterile, and there are certainly still some pretty crappy episodes—but overall readability has improved, I think. You might disagree. I think I was able to produce higher-quality episodes back then, but I didn’t take the time. Or did I? I don’t have anything else to show for those months. It’s all a blur now…

And hey! Check this out! This is a graph generated by Sitemeter that shows my traffic this year:

server2.gif

There’s still a few hours of December left, so it’s easy to imagine hitting 1800 visits this month. The red line is my more conservative estimate of the number of people who visit on purpose. The actual number may be higher; it’s difficult to estimate between all the hits for eggs, alcohol, and sex. The red line is you, the people who actually read this stuff and leave comments and contribute to the community that this has become. The people who leave personal messages for each other in comment threads. As I sit here in a far-off land I still feel connected to you.

Hardest to estimate are the lurkers. I know there are some. Hello, lurkers! Thanks for stopping by! Come back again real soon!

(I was planning to do a fancy interactive thing with a comment for each month as you rolled over that column, but that started sounding an awful lot like work.)

I will not finish The Monster Within by midnight tonight. Part of the reason for that is I’m devoting more energy to smaller bits I can get published and build up a publishing credits list. The other part of the reason is that I’m lazy.

The smaller bits are coming along, though. That may affect the blog as well; some of the creative writing pieces that I had been starting to put up here may go to a different outlet instead. I’ll still put up fragments, but if something is more or less complete I’ll be shipping it elsewhere instead. Moonlight Sonata, which I posted here a while back as “a good start to a short story” now is a short story, and will be appearing soon over at Piker Press. Also, a vastly modified version of the american road myth will be appearing over there. So, obviously, there is still a place for my blog in my creative writing, but it may evolve.

As for New Year’s resolutions, I have but one: Get the pizza crumb out from under the “r” key.

Programming note

It doesn’t look much different, but behind the scenes it has changed dramatically. The best part is that after today I will no longer have to republish more than 350 pages when I tweak the banner.

Of course with change comes risk. I’m getting deeper into the CSS, which means that Internet Explorer users may have problems. Let me know if you have trouble, and what browser you are using. Interestingly, although much older, the Mac version of IE renders this page quite a bit better than the Windows version. I thought IE Mac would choke on the CSS.

Here’s a link to the Firefox download, for IE users who haven’t caught on yet. (Hint: Smaller, faster, safer, and standards-compliant.)

Another Programming Note

I don’t know if you guys care in the least, but I thought I’d try a poll service that won’t inflict pop-up windows on you. This one has some nice features, the two best being that I can link pictures into answer options automatically and I can include an “other” option so you guys can record your own ideas. I think there’s also a way to make a page that shows the results of all past polls, which would be fun.

On the down side, I would have to pay for the service to allow ballot box stuffing, and the HTML they generate pretty much sucks. I’m fiddling with my own CSS-based layout, so the things may be funky sometimes as I tweak it.

Let me know what you think!

Programming Note

It has come to my attention that after my travels I have photos of many of the guest poets appearing on this page. It wasn’t a big reach to go from there to putting the picture of the author next to the poem. If you are a guest poet and would rather NOT have your picture next to the poem, or if there is another picture you would prefer I use, just let me know.

Currently I’m missing pictures of Melinda and Brian. I would love to put you up there, however, so please send me a picture of you that can be cropped square. I have put in suitable substitutes for the time being (heh, heh, heh…). Let me know if you find a mistake – I could easily have made a typo and the code currently assumes the order the browser will execute the JavaScript functions. If it executes in the wrong sequence I expect someone else’s picture will appear next to my explanatory haiku.

I also have figured out how to fit the limericks in the header more nicely, and I’ll get to that in the next couple of days – so bring on those 5-line poems!

Mr7k Memorial Library and Archives

In the realm of blog millennia, few will be remembered as vividly as Muddled Rambling and Half-Baked Idea’s 7k. From its controversial start to its climactic end, 7k, although the shortest millennium in MR&HBI history, was a time of great change and great challenges. In the center of those events stands Mr7k. While not without his detractors, it is safe to say that Mr7k was a driving force that redefined the millennial office.

The term of Mr7k began in controversy, with miscounts, recounts, prematurely announced results, and destroyed records. Though the conflict could have torn the MR&HBI community asunder, the crisis was averted by the gracious actions and high-minded principles of all parties involved without having to resort to a pull-off and Bar-B-Q, the recognized way to resolve such disputes if the disagreement proves intractable. Since then, the system has been improved to help prevent further debate in the future. All of this proves the importance of public records and public review in ensuring that justice prevails.

Such a rocky beginning might have undermined pervious millennial office holders, or at the very least diminished their effectiveness, but after a brief healing period Mr7k launched an agressive and far-seeing agenda. Collected here are the artifacts of those initiatives, as a monument to the legacy of Mr7k and as an inspiration to future millennial office holders. (Hopefully one of those future millennial office holders will define a new term for “millennial office holder”.)

The Blog Mission Statement
This site is dedicated to enhancing the worldwide understanding of and appreciation for:

  1. Beer
  2. Beer
  3. Satire
  4. Beer
  5. Creative writing
  6. Beer
  7. Wine (as a way to embrace diversity)
  8. More Beer
  9. Foods to eat while you are drinking beer
  10. Beer
  11. Bars, bartenders, and the beer they serve

A seminal document in blog history constructed by a diverse committee under the leadership of Mr7k (although apparently ignoring contributions of his political rivals), perhaps the next effective millennial office holder can come up with a mechanism for ratification.

Proposal for the name of the newest MRHBI category: Jer’s Beers of the world tour.
Mr7k used his savvy understanding of the polling system to ensure that this suggestion was a runaway favorite. The MR&HBI Executive Committee and Editorial Staff used this valued contribution when arriving at the name: Jer’s Bars of the World Tour.

Bringing the tone of debate at MR&HBI to a new level
Issues that saw discussion included educational programs for the handicapped, light transportation manufacturers, numerical analysis, weapons of mass destruction, beer, and number three.

Yet, looking at this legacy, we see that there is still a mountain to climb. Issues to face. Innovative names and numbers to invent. The legacy of Mr7k is as much about what lies ahead as it is about what lies behind. As the 8k millennial office holder is what we call in politics an “egg-fryer”, we will have to await the emergence of the next true leader.

Request For Proposals

By far the most entries in this blog have been in the category “Jer’s Homeless Tour”. Not surprising, really, since that’s been the center of my life for seven months. In a few days, however, I will have a home again, in faraway Prague, and the name will no longer fit. So here’s the plan: You guys submit suggestions for what the next phase of the journey should be titled, then we can vote on them in a poll, with maximum ballot box stuffing. Jesse already had a suggestion, but I’ll let him post it up in a comment.

So what’s it going to be, guys?

5000th visitor, and Vegas, Baby!

As soon as I post this and get supplies, I’m on my way to Vegas. There are several reasons I might not be able to post while I’m there, but in the end it boils down to this: Once, long ago, at one of the bacchanals, I lamented that I had no camera. Jesse shrugged and said, “Some people make history, some people record it.” My time in Las Vegas will be about making history. I’ll let the local news channels record it.

Moments ago we had our 5000th visitor to the site! Wow! At this rate of growth I’ll be slightly famous by the year 2012. Look out! I had hoped that V5K would be someone I recognized, but alas the person arrived here on a search for “Hampton Inn Temecula” (or so it seems—when I reloaded their search I didn’t see a link to my blog.)

Sunscreen at the ready, I now head into the desert.