Posts Tagged ‘Muddleverse’

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Jer's Homeless TourJer's Homeless Tour

Happy Road Trip Day!

April 2nd, 2006
 

I sit now at Cheap Beer Place, sipping not-so-cheap tea, pondering doing something that could be interpreted as productive before the hokej play-off game starts. (Interestingly, Czech for “play-off” is play off. You’d think they would have grown their own word for it in the centuries before the ubitiquization of English.)

It was a good Road Trip Eve celebration last night, going long past the traditional midnight toast. At one point in the festivities I found lined up on the table in front of me beer, whiskey, and slivovice, and I knew that some brain cells weren’t going to live to see another sunrise. Today, as the survivors grow accustomed to having a little extra elbow-room, thoughts are moving slowly and wandering off course, like a sloth with attention deficit disorder.

It’s the kind of day televised sports was invented for. Today the Beers play Slavia. The Beers are down in the series one game to two, so this one’s important for the team to continue their cinderella run for the championship. This is their first trip to the semifinals since 1951. Go Beers!

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Jer's Homeless TourJer's Homeless Tour

Road Trip Eve

April 1st, 2006
All over the world, people are preparing to welcome the new Muddled year.

Yes, tomorrow is Road Trip Day, the day we commemorate the beginning of Jer’s Homeless Tour — the epic journey fabled in legend and song, which began two years ago tomorrow. This year, since Road Trip Eve falls on the weekend, the celebrations promise to be even bigger than usual. Here in Prague, fuego and MaK are taking advantage of the fact that this is the one social occasion of the year that I cannot shirk, and they’re throwing a bash. If you’re in the neighborhood, drop by!

For those new to the ranks of the muddled, April 2th, 2004, was the day the sale of my house in San Diego closed. I spent the night before that first day at Callahan’s, sitting at the bar, talking to Rose. I was watching the clock, and when midnight rolled by I said, “Wish me happy birthday.” Purely by coincidence, the first road trip day was also my fortieth birthday.

That afternoon, big chunk of cash confirmed, I packed up all the stuff I could fit into the Miata and drove away to look at the US for “two or three weeks” before moving to Prague.

Late that night found me in a little beach town in central California, hanging with friends, sipping good wine and eating good food, tapping out my first blog entry from the road. In two weeks I had made it as far as San Jose, and week three saw me (if recollection serves – sticklers for the truth can go look it up) at Lake Tahoe. Not really that close to Prague. Weeks passed, miles rolled by. Months snuck through there somehow as I trundled around North America, hanging with old friends, reconnecting with family members, falling in love with pretty bartenders, thinking, and writing. It was me, in my ideal environment: ample solitude, new places, new adventures, old friends.

Hopefully I can get back out there again someday — ideally as a book tour, but you have to publish a book first for that to make sense. It would be fun to have book signings in all the bars I wrote in along the way. Fun but not terribly profitable; I have been forgotten in most of those places by now, and the clientele in many of those places didn’t strike me as particularly bookish.

So wherever you are tonight, at a quiet little private celebration or the giant beerfest in Times Square, the tribal dances on the plains of the Serengeti or the wild street parties of Rio de Janeiro, mark moment with a toast and make your first words of the new year “elevator ocelot rutabaga.” It’s good luck.

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Idle Chit-ChatIdle Chit-Chat

There’s a big milestone approaching…

March 3rd, 2006
Bigger than big! Huge! Stupendous!

I didn’t notice when episode 600 went on the air a few days back, and really, there’s no reason to get so excited about that. There is another milestone on the horizon, one that is, in my opinion, monumental.

Before too much longer, someone will post the 5,000th comment here at Muddled Ramblings and Half-Baked Ideas.

The number speaks for itself, but that’s not going to stop me from rambling on for a bit about it anyway. Five thousand comments doesn’t happen on very many blogs, I bet. Here I am very proud that the comments have become an extra layer of interaction and communication. There is a whole discourse going on there, influenced but in no way bound by the topics of the episodes. It makes this place lively and rewarding even when I’m not.

There are regulars and others just passing through, those who lurk and those who post often. There are personalities who exist nowhere but in the comments here; we even have an avatar of the collective. People have exchanged travel plans here, announced life changes, and in general added to the feeling that this is not MY site, but OUR site; the place where Squirrely Joe can hang with Funkmaster G-Force, and Keith can suggest ways to find women from my past.

So, while I’m proud of this site, and a little surprised at what it has become, the credit is not mine alone. Not even close.

Take a moment, why don’t you, and vote on what the prize should be for comment 5000. I’m a little hesitant about offering a prize – I imagine Jerk McSweede posting two hundred messages reading “Did I win yet?” – but we’ll see what happens. Just… play nice.

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Idle Chit-ChatIdle Chit-Chat

Happy Ground Squirrel Day

March 2nd, 2006
Although you have to grind a lot of squirrels to get enough for a burger.

Yes, It’s March 2th, the third twoth of the year, Ground Squirrel Day. We had a poll last year to determine how to celebrate this day, but I don’t even remember what the options were, let alone what won. I think there was something about using rockets to create home-made flying squirrels, but I may be wrong.

So, boys and girls, you will have to use your own imaginations to come up with an appropriate way to celebrate. Let us know what you come up with!

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Idle Chit-ChatIdle Chit-Chat

Happy Ought-to Ought-to Day

February 2nd, 2006
Yes, it's 02.02.06 both in Europe and the US.

Today is dedicated to getting something done that you ought to do. I used my ought-to ought-to day to finally get a monthly pass for the transportation system, which involved getting a photo taken. This is to enable the other ought-to: getting out more.

How ’bout you?

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Idle Chit-ChatIdle Chit-Chat

Happy New Years Day (observed)

January 2nd, 2006
 

This was the first holiday to be added to the Muddled Calendar, and it marked the beginning of the 2th initiative, just one of the innovative contributions of the legendary Mr7k. In his words:

January the Twoth will, henceforth, be known as New Year’s Day (Observed)tm. For those amoung us who are too (choose one or more) drunk (still), hungover, tired, way into watching football, or otherwise occupied to start the new year on January the 1st, New Year’s Day (Observed)tm is just the ticket. Think of it as a much needed mulligan on the first tee of each year.

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Idle Chit-ChatIdle Chit-Chat

I am become Jer

October 15th, 2005
 

Funkmaster G-Force pointed it out recently, and you can check for yourself. From Lindsay Wagner to Renee Zellwiger, chicks dig me.

Well, not me, per se, but some idea of me expressed in these pages. It is a carefully crafted and sloppily maintained me, an idea that’s got out of hand and is running amok through the blogosphere. It is, perhaps, slightly less artificial than the me you would meet if you were to stumble into the Cheap Beer Place right now, but only just.

This particular me, the one you know, is defined by words. Strings of symbols strung together to form ideas. And all of those smaller ideas coalesce into the grand idea of whoever it is I am. Though, maybe it’s not as grand as all that.

There have always been pen pals and others who come to know each other through words, but now we’re looking at something on a whole new scale. One of my NaNoWriMo ideas involves creating a completely artificial person online. But if that person is consistent and compelling, is there really any difference between that and who you’ve come to know here at Muddled Ramblings?

On a smaller scale, in the comments there are also new people – personalities that did not exist before but are just as real in this context. People with no birth certificates, no social security numbers, but in this place they exist and are known.

Of course, some of you have met me in the flesh, so you have two versions of me to compare. Perhaps there is some overlap, the intersection of the two Jerrys that can give some footing on who I really am. Whatever that means.

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Idle Chit-ChatIdle Chit-Chat

The Trap

September 17th, 2005
I've been seeing more and more traffic here at MR&HBI, and I'm having a hard time allowing myself to be muddled.

I think it started when an online Mac journal gave a glowing review of Jer’s Novel Writer some time last week. I’ve always had random people coming to the site, and most of them leave again, never to return. It will always be that way, and there’s no point worrying about them. Then there are the faithful few, the ones who’ve been here all along, posting or lurking as is their wont. These people know what they are getting into, and if I injure their brains it’s their own damn fault.

Now, however, there is a new category of visitor. These people come here because they are interested in the guy who wrote the software. I found myself thinking yesterday, “I should get a better episode up, so some of those visitors coming as a result of the review might come back – or at least not think that their favorite software was written by some crazed cretin who doesn’t know when to put a sentence out of its misery and go on to the next.”

That, of course is a slippery slope, changing my style to meet the tastes of some imagined constituency. I think I’m going to write an episode that’s really muddled just to snap out of it.

Oops. That’s the slope on the other side of the ridge. Gaah!

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Idle Chit-ChatIdle Chit-Chat

Whew!

May 17th, 2005
Next up on the schedule... um...

The last guests are gone, fuego is out galavanting about somewhere, and I’ve got nothing on tap. I’ll come up with a new poll today, I think, but the best part is I have large blocks of time, multiple days in a row for the foreseeable future, and that means writing. Writing novels, to be more precice; I have managed to squeeze in time to bang out a few short stories, but most of them still need work. I did get one submitted to the Piker Press last night, but it may not be their style (although they always remind me they have no style). It just doesn’t have a very happy ending, and they’re generally a pretty jolly crowd. The last sentence is bugging me this morning, too, but I can’t put my finger on why.

Somehow fuego and I got a final draft of Pirates done as well; it’s a good story. We’ll find some way to get it made even if we don’t get selected for the shootout.

I’ll try to get some eels out soon, too. It’s getting a little more difficult now to just do a brain dump for an hour and have an episode, as the constraints of what I’ve said before and the need to actually have a plot make things more complicated. We’ll see if I can keep it fresh, as the kids say these days.

Glad to see the comments kept up during the period of less frequent and less creative episodes. Thanks, guys!

Finally, please note that I have changed the bar-counting criteria in the tours stats. I no longer include bars I went to with the primary intent of having a meal, eliminating about ten bar/restaurants from the list. I’m pretty sure there are a couple of places I went to while hanging out with my brothers friends that I never got on the list as well. Good times.

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Productivity was never less productive

April 29th, 2005
Jesse mentioned a while back how big this site was. I just had to go and figure out how big.

Instead of doing something useful, I spent the last little while taking a random sample of pages from the blog in an effort to estimate just how big this thing is. I sampled 20 episodes added up the word count, divided by 20 and multiplied by 427 (that total may include an episode or two that I never published). None of the randomly selected entries was an Eels episode, and one was a haiku.

The total? Almost 170,000 words, not counting the titles or the introductions. If it was a novel, it would be a very fat one. There’s a significance there, a message, but I sure don’t know what it is.

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Bars of the World TourBars of the World Tour

April 2th, 2005

April 2nd, 2005
It was an incredible 365 days. Here is the obligatory retrospective.

One year ago, on April 2th, 2004, I woke up in my house for the last time. By the time the day was over I no longer owned a house and I was a couple hundred miles away. It was, purely coincidentally (I make sure to assure one and all), my 40th birthday.

My plan was to spend maybe three weeks seeing some of my own country before a quick trip back to San Diego to wrap up a few things, then off to Eastern Europe to start a little software company and to get even more serious about writing. I thought I might make it to the Czech Republic in time for the world hockey championships.

You already know what happened. Three weeks later I was in Tahoe City and just getting rolling, balancing a freelance software project with my need to roam. I had already become recognized at bars in Scotts Valley and Zephyr Cove, and was on my way to being a regular at Sam’s Place. From there I headed north, then farther north, then things got complicated.

On the way I wrote a lot, finishing one novel (although I’m tweaking it again now), making a good dent in another, and keeping some other projects alive. Every once in a while an episode here came close to capturing the feel of the road, the solitude and the possibility, and those are my favorite episodes by far. There are a few episodes I never published, and some I never wrote, that perhaps come closer yet. Those will have to wait for the fiction, either to protect the innocent or because the prose just needs more work first.

I have enjoyed writing this silly blog immensely. I’ve tried to keep maintaining my media empire from becoming too much work, and I’ve tried not to let it interfere with my “real writing” too much, but some of my better work is here on this sprawling site. Yes, yes, I know, but I already did quit my day job. There are periods when the prose comes easily and has more behind it, while at others I’m glad I gave this site the title I did. If someone finds the writing aimless and disjointed they can just look at the banner graphic and get over it.

There were days, blowing along empty desert highways with the sun baking my exposed head or groping through a Texas downpour, that I felt close to something, some sort of truth that is the holy grail of the American Road Myth, just out of reach. Motion was a drug, and I know there were times I missed opportunities simply because I could not stop. I think of those moments now, gone forever. The opportunity to photograph the lonely vendor in his shack while it rained in Monument Valley. The run-down little towns that once thrived when travelers like me were not drunk with motion and would stop for a while. The Kansas sunset. I think that was Kansas, anyway.

Finally in November I arrived here, in Prague, already behind on my November novel. I wasn’t worried. It came out pretty good; a techno-thriller that perhaps wasn’t yet thrilling enough but it had good characters. There’s a lot of the road in it, and the desert, and boats on the open sea. A couple parts were thrilling, too, as far as I can tell. It has a long way to go to be a complete reading experience, and it’s number four on the finish-up list.

The past few months have been quiet, and cold. My adventures now are of a different sort, like going to the grocery store and wondering what’s in that jar, or getting “big” and “small” backwards when asking for a loaf of bread, or realizing the sun is rising having just ordered another beer.

So here I sit, one year older and certainly no wiser, in a bar I dubbed Cheap Beer Place, trying not to let opportunity slip past. Trying to get published, working on more short stories, thinking maybe it’s time to get Jer’s Novel Writer into a state where I can charge money for it, and not forgetting the novel that comes after I finish up the sprawling unruly story that is The Test. The Fish will be the one will be the story that will finally decide if I brought anything in from the wilderness.

There’s more to this disjointed collection of musings and ravings than just the author, as well. Were it not for you, faithful readers, not just following along but making your own substantial contributions, this would simply be and exercise of verbal masturbation, only less satisfying. Instead MR&HBI stands as a bastion of literacy, wit, and intelligent discourse in the big, windy place that is the blogosphere.

Did I mention I did some work writing advertising copy?

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Idle Chit-ChatIdle Chit-Chat

Happy oughto oughto day!

February 2nd, 2005
Did you meet your goals? It's not too late!

I didn’t think I was going to finish my synopsis in time, but things fell together and while I will inevitably be tweaking it I now feel I could send it to agents and publishers. Goal two, the poll, isn’t looking so good. So far there is only one suggestion, from the Current Millennial D(ictator?) to make the day March 2 it! day. Oh, well, 28 days to go still.

For goal three, not only have I finished a couple of short pieces that don’t suck, I wrote a couple more that do suck, and suck hard at that! Talk about overachieving!

I’m working on an episode about a concert I went to a couple of days ago, I want to get some tunes from fuego to go with it, and I have a Piker deadline to hit, so I’m not sure when that one will hit. I really do need to figure out who to call and what to say to get Internet in my new place. Perhaps I ought to have done it today, but hey, let’s be realistic here. I did find a pair of house shoes, though.

Finally, because of my irregular Internet access, I may not be on hand when the Next Big Number is struck. I trust you will behave with your usual decorum and restraint during the inevitable period of uncertainty that follows.