A Sports Comparison

There are many things that go into making a good sport. Different people respond to different aspects of competition and games. People who like situations that build slowly, punctuated by a significant event that breaks everything open, like baseball. People who like a game of intricate set pieces executed at great speed with great violence like American football. People who like to watch groups of dysfunctional thugs with one chief thug to each side score against each other at will enjoy the NBA.

I was watching a game tonight, and it was down to the last two minutes. It was a close game, the home team down by one. The clock kept ticking. The team that was behind began taking chances, desperate moves, score-at-all-costs moves. The clock, it kept on ticking. The losing team pulled out all the stops, giving up defense to just score one point to send the contest into overtime.

The clock kept ticking, until the game was over.

In an age when the last two minutes of a basketball game can easily take fifteen minutes, you have to appreciate hockey. Unless there is television butting in, the last two minutes don’t take substantially longer than any other two-minute period. If the game is close you can feel every second tick off as your team desperately scrambles. Just a little more time, you think as your heartbeat measures out your team’s life. Hang on just a little longer, you think if it’s your team facing the onslaught. But, as in life, the clock keeps ticking.

Baseball has no clock, and, except for periods of multiple pitcher changes, doesn’t change pace all that much. So that’s cool. It starts slow, so there’s not much use in stalling. Soccer could probably benefit from letting the fans know if the clock is running or not, because fake injuries can slow down the game to intolerable — when you’re ahead, hit the turf. At least some of the time you spend rolling around in apparent agony will be run off the official game time. Football slows down, increasing the intervals between plays until each execution constitutes a commercial break. In defense of football, however, when the losing team has the ball and is out of time outs, the game hits the fastest pace of the day, and that might be the most intense minutes in any sport. (Although spiking the ball to stop the clock should not be sanctioned.)

In football, however, there is a period before the final dash that is as slow as basketball, when teams are using their timeouts and “managing the clock”. On a coach’s report card Monday morning, clock management will be rated. Football is an incredibly complicated game, modern when you think of it, a team of specialists, and so now it wouldn’t surprise me if there is a “clock coach”, a guy on the sidelines constantly going through scenarios and whispering clock advice into the coach’s ear. That can be fun to watch. “What are you thinking!” you shout at the TV when your idea of clock management differs from that on the field.

I have no defense for the interminable last seconds of a basketball game.

In the end, though, if there’s a clock in the game I want it to be the enemy. It will not be managed, it will not negotiate. It ticks, it ticks, it keeps on ticking, until the final whistle blows. Advertisers will just have to deal with it.

1

A Mysterious Message

I was cleaning out the ol’ email in-box, with its buildup of messages accumulated while I was under a rock for a couple of days. There was one message that my email software thought was spam, and the from address certainly seemed spammish. The title was “Multimedia Message”, and the from address appeared to be gibberish. The content of the message was a photograph, nothing more, with no links, which could certainly still be spam.

Then I looked at the picture:

Mystery Photo

(I blocked out the phone number to protect the privacy of the dictionary seller.)

The number looks a lot like a Lost Alamos number (almost all of them start 662-). I expect that someone saw this message and thought it was funny enough to photograph with their phone camera and send to me through their telephone provider. But who? As I edited the picture the phone number itself started feeling eerily familiar, and now I’m wondering if this is a message for me to call that turned out to be a bit more clever than I am.

As an aside, I laughed almost as hard at the “Free Cat” message.

Welcome to Hut

I am sitting at Pizza Hut right now, the only customer in a crumbling building (I stepped around buckets to get to my table), working on a blog episode that will appear above this one, so you’ve probably already read it even though right now I haven’t finished writing it. Time’s a trip, man.

Although the place seems pretty quiet, I just heard this from the people working in the kitchen:

“We’re out of Pizza.”

The Latest Card

OK, so, I’ve been mucking around with a business card to give to people who are interested in my blog. It came time to try to print the dang things out, and I was a bit stumped. Microsoft Word has template files you can use to lay out a page, but I don’t have Word and really all I wanted was something where I could say, “Template 8371. Here’s my image. Go.”

I started by looking for a template someone has created for OpenOffice (you know it has to be out there), but I wasn’t getting results. I eventually went to Avery’s site, and searched for a template there, or the exact dimensions of the page if I had to make my own. I wasn’t having much luck when I saw something called “Print From the Web”. I signed up, told it the product number, and was thrown for a moment. I had to pick a pre-designed template. Finally I chose one, and on the next screen deleted everything in the template and added my image. Bing-bam, I had a PDF that exactly matches their paper. Except for not having a tabula rasa or single-image template, it could not have been simpler.

Good job, guys!

Unfortunately I seem to have a design that brings out the weaknesses of Ink Jet printers. Lots of light colors that require mixing in white – which is done by dithering the darker ink. Still, it’s better than nothing. There are probably printers that would do better, but to really get it done right, I guess I’d have to go to a professional shop. Not exactly in my price range for something as unimportant as this. Springing for the paper was my limit.

Here’s what I have right now. It’s funny how (at least with this printer) the MuddledRamblings.com stands out much more in print than on the screen. I had to boost up the background lettering quite a bit.

The almost-latest version

It’s a lot cleaner now, in it’s jumbled fashion. I just had to have a watermark so I used a question mark — not sure about that one. Then I just have to decide what email address to use (anythingnotalreadytaken@mac.com/), and I’m golden.

Here’s a list of the words in the background, roughly from top to bottom. Kids! See who can find them all first!

  • Culture Shock
  • You can’t read this
  • Elephants of Doom
  • Jer’s Novel Writer
  • Fiction
  • The American Road Myth
  • Feeding the Eels
  • Writing
  • Eggs over-easy
  • Sex
  • Death
  • Words
  • Pirates!
  • Beer
  • Suicidal Squirrels
  • Guest Poetry
  • Stuff
  • Books
  • Rock Stacking
  • Bars of the World
  • Half-Baked Ideas
  • Muddled University
  • Idle Chit-Chat
  • Rhymes with
  • Accidental Actor
  • Get Poor Quick
  • Prague
  • Secret Laboratory
  • All For Me Grog

My Card

Every once in a while someone asks me for a card, or they want to know the address of my blog, but neither of us have anything to write on. The people that ask for the blog address inevitably ask again later. I figure having a card to hand those people will help.

For the last couple of days I’ve been spending a bit of time poking around in Baby Photoshop, and I think I’ve just about hit the limits of my graphic design abilities, such as they are. Here’s what I’ve got:

Muddled Rambling's business card?

Obviously this image isn’t actual size, I made it bigger so you could see the words better at screen resolutions. I started with my name much smaller and over to the side, but then I made it stand out more so people who look at the card later will be more likely to remember where it came from.

Of course, I’ve spent way more time on this than I should have. The first step was searching for fonts. I don’t have the original photoshop file for the logo at the top of the blog, nor do I have the fonts. There are some excellent sites chock-full of really cool free fonts, but I couldn’t find two of the ones I had used originally. Oh, well. Then came a long process of shifting things around, tweaking color and transparency, letter spacing, and on and on.

Photoshop was a little annoying while I was working on this. When I saved and reopened the file most (not all) of the text layers were converted to bitmaps, which meant it was much more difficult to edit them. Perhaps I should have used The Gimp from the get-go. It has it’s own annoying features, but now I’m afraid to close the file in Photoshop for fear of more bitmap conversions.

So what do you think? I’d very much like to hear from anyone who has an opinion about this sort of thing. I’ll be test-printing today to make sure that the smaller text is easily legible. (The part at the bottom reads “Sucks less than most blogs!”) The background text has a couple of holes in it, as well. Any suggestions for short words or phrases that apply to MR&HBI that I could fill in with?

Only in Los Alamos, part 2

Puttering around on errands today, I saw a bumper sticker that read, “186,000 miles per second. It’s not just a good idea, it’s the LAW.” On the right side was a little picture of Einstein.

What Has it Gots In Its Pocketses?

Today I was cleaning out the pockets of the shorts I’ve been wearing. Here’s what I had:

$2.05 in small change (including some nickels that seem to be stamped wrong).
1 padlock key
1 California Angels bottle opener key ring with a miata key and a padlock key.
1 free-range Miata key
4 receipts crumpled to illegibility
1 battered Sony Ericsson mobile phone
1 Milk bone dog biscuit
1 Wallet with the usual stuff, including phone chips.

Of course, it’s the dog biscuit that got me typing. All but the wallet were in the front right pocket, as the left pocket has nothing but a gaping hole.

Happy Road Trip Eve!

Happy Road Trip Eve, everyone! Remember, if the first words out of your mouth tomorrow (3:0 in the Muddled Age calendar) are “Elevator Ocelot Rutabaga”, good fortune will follow you for the rest of the year. Set an alarm for midnight, so you don’t forget!

Programming Note: Comments RSS

For those who worry about missing comments made in old threads, this might help. It is the RSS feed that nourishes the recent comments list in the sidebar. Perhaps in conjunction with your RSS reader you can catch comments before they slip away. To the best of my knowledge, there is no way to make it show more than the ten most recent. If you find a way to make it show more, I’d like to hear about it.

get your feed here!

Bannned in China!

According to Great Firewall of China, it is likely that Muddled Ramblings and Half-Baked Ideas (as https://muddledramblings.com) is blocked in China.

*sniff!* It’s good to be noticed.

But then again, why not? What is Muddled Ramblings, if not a celebration of the freedom of the human spirit, of the deeper meanings of seemingly simple actions, of rebellion and art, individualism and choice? It is a place where there is no thought too radical, no dissertation too convoluted, no idea too stupid to be aired out and discussed in free and open debate.

We here in the Muddleverse exist to challenge the status quo, to look at the myths that built America, then go beyond merely looking at the myths and embrace them with prenostalgic fervor, lamenting the loss of something we never had. We stack rocks to build an altar to the open road, then hold a belching contest while basking in the grandeur. We embrace — no, we demand — the right to be self-contradictory and generally incomprehensible.

What totalitarian government could stand in the face of this? What recourse do they have but to silence this voice of freedom before it reaches the ears of their benighted citizens? People are to freedom as tigers are to human flesh: Once they taste it they can never go back.

It is probably only a matter of time before other governments tremble in fear before this bastion of freedom, this open rebellion against tyrannies of every shape, be they transnational corporations, democracies for sale, or ruthless dictatorships. And you, my friends and faithful readers, were there at the start. I’m sure your names are already on lists somewhere, to be rounded up and exterminated at the first opportunity.

Sorry about that.

Something that only gets better when you know the context

An excerpt from an email I got a couple of minutes ago:

The head-cracker will still be in place, though I expect they’ll finally paint over Jer’s blood.

Infinology bites.

Infinology is the Web hosting company that carries Piker Press. More than a week ago, Piker Press stopped working. Since then the editors over there have tried through various channels to get help. Nothing. Zip. Nada. No one is answering the phones, no one is responding to the help tickets. This would to my untrained eye make the claims they make on their Web site downright fradulent.

So, to summarize: Infinology sucks. They are liars as well as bad Web hosts. Don’t even think of using them.

Happy Ground Squirrel Day

Whether you grind your own squirrels or just pick up a couple pounds at the local butcher shop, don’t forget to celebrate the day!

1

Insignificant Programming Note

Due to an administrative error, some votes in the current poll were misdirected to adjacent candidates. There really should be a Florida joke here, but none of them turned out funny. I will use my own voting powers over the next few days to restore the votes that were lost when I fixed things. It’s not like there were that many. In the meantime, you, the faithful electorate are encouraged to continue in the best ballot-stuffing tradition.

As long as I’m doing one of these programming note thingies, I may as well mention the new section over there in the sidebar. It turns out these days that actual strangers and folks we don’t know happen by, and I figured a little orientation might help them get a feel for the place. Plus, a friend and fellow writer recently mentioned that I should brag more, after he read “Serpent”. He said a lot of nice things about that story. So, I’m bragging more, or at least giving people a shot at reading my stuff, as long as it’s out there.

And Hey golly! That’s what the poll is about! I could have sworn I wrote some funny things for Piker Press, but the five candidates in the poll were the best I could come up with. One of those ought to go in the favorites list, just to give perusers a change of pace. But which one? You be the judge!

1

The Perfect Dodge

I was invited to a party tonight. It promises to be a good one; it’s the 30th birthday of a friend who has been around for a while, and who as a result has plenty of people to invite to a shindig like this one. It’s at a shiny, popular bar somewhere in the center of the city.

I’m not going to go. It’s just not the right day for alcohol, noise, and forced gaiety. As the appointed hour approaches, I find myself sliding in the opposite direction, toward quiet introspection and the gentle melancholy that sometimes heralds better writing. Already I have a short warm-up mood piece I quite like.

Me blowing off a party is hardly noteworthy, but I’m pretty proud of the way I weaseled out of this one. I sent the hostess a message saying, “Would you forgive me for not coming to your party if I bought you lunch next week?” I explained that I was in a write-sad-things sort of groove.

“Perfectly understandable,” she wrote back.

So now I’m off the hook for tonight and I’m meeting a pretty woman for lunch on Monday. That worked out pretty well, I think.