Lists

Wildlife I’ve seen, in no particular order:

  • Bear
  • Deer
  • Birds of all categories, notably eagles, osprey, geese, and a little guy that was picking the bugs out of my radiator
  • Big horn sheep
  • Bobcat…? It was large, and had a bobbed tail, but it was pure black. Do bobcats come that way? (And yes, it crossed my path)
  • People
  • Squirrels (both suicidal and non-)
  • Mountain Goat
  • Coyote
  • Bison
  • Elk

Animals in captivity:

  • Sheep
  • Caribou
  • Horses
  • Cattle
  • Llamas (could have been alpacas)
  • Ostriches
  • One donkey
  • People

I debated putting people in the lists, but I’m pretty sure whoever was in that moose suit in Weed felt like a captive animal. Conversely, some of the bikers I’ve seen certainly qualify as wildlife. Of all the animals in captivity, I think the horses were making the best of it. I caught them having fun on several occasions.

The Perfect Road

Location: Nakusp, Canada
Miles: 5235.2

I’m making my way back down to the states now, but I’m taking the scenic route, as usual. By scenic, I suppose I mean indirect, since all the routes seem to be scenic. As I studied the map for today’s leg, I had to choose between a larger road marked as a scenic route and a smaller road with no such blessing. I took the smaller road and am really happy I did. I took it because it had a ferry at one point. I knew the ferry would be nothing fancy, but it was a nice change of pace.

Let me tell you, boys and girls, that Highway 6 from Vernon to Nakusp is a great bit of driving. It probably isn’t marked as scenic because it’s too small to be noticed, but it is beautiful, and curvy, and not busy. The pavement is rough in some places, but I was happy to put up with that. I had breakfast at Waddy’s in Vernon, eggs over easy done almost perfectly, bacon, toast, and hashbrowns for five bucks, including coffee or tea. Good deal. I feel good as I find the highway and continue east.

I’m getting better at reading the isolated clouds that wander around dumping rain, and after only a few miles I decided to put the top up. I patted myself on the back as I passed through Lumby and the rain started to fall. There were signs up all over town for the “Lumby Days” celebration this weekend, which probably explains why it was raining there.

My atlas shows the road out of there as being pretty straight, but happily it is not. As the rain began to fall harder, the road became curvier, and the slopes steeper. I recognized the big, fat drops that presaged a hail storm back in New Mexico, and sure enough the drops started leaving little grains of ice behind on my windshield. I slowed down further, hoping that no one would run into me from behind, and glad that I wasn’t one of the motorcyclists I saw passing the other direction.

Then the sky opened up, flinging abuse at me like I was back in junior high. The roar of the ice crashing against my windshield drowned out my music and thunderclaps from even the closest lightning strikes. The road was immediately coated with icy spheres. I was driving on ball bearings made of ice with badly worn tires. Not good. Put an infant in the car and you have a tire commercial. I just wanted off the road. Twice the car skated dangerously, once taking me into the oncoming lane while I pointed the front wheels the right direction and prayed.

Finally I found a place to pull off, but someone else was already in it. There was no way I was going to stop if I couldn’t get all the way off the road. Solid rock was on my right, and I really couldn’t see what was down the slope on the other side. I crept on. After a couple more miles I found a spot to pull over, but by then the hail was letting up, yielding to ordinary, small-drop rain. Not far past that was a little restaurant with several motorcycles parked outside. As my adrenaline levels returned to normal I began to appreciate the road again.

The sun came out, and the wet road began to form its own fog bank, which I failed to photograph well. Once the top had time to dry out I pulled over next to a deer and went into sunshine configuration. When I stepped out of the car I was a little wobbly. I walked around a bit, trying to see the river I could hear far below me, but it was lost in the dense foliage. The deer watched me warily but was not going to give up whatever choice grazing it had found. No other cars passed while I stayed there.

crossing%20the%20lake.jpg Ten miles down the road I had to put the top back up. So much for my ability to read the clouds. Don’t like the weather? Drive a mile. The wet road and my recent brushes with four-wheel drift made me cautious, so I didn’t get the most out of the road, but it is a very, very good road. The ferry was on the far side of the lake when I pulled up, which allowed me to walk around for a bit in the gentle rain. I had a chance to read that I would soon be passing through Osprey Country, and that there would be nests on many of the power poles. I took some pictures, experimenting with different settings on the camera, then when the rain picked up I went back and put King Crimson on the stereo and studied my map. I decided that Nelson looked like a good place to shoot for.

When I got here I changed my mind. Nelson can wait until tomorrow. Nakusp is beautiful. I drove down the main drag and decided I had gone far enough this day. With plenty of daylight left I had time to walk along the lake, which is a long, well-cared-for park, with gardens lovingly tended. Unusual, I think, for a town this size. All along the walk are benches dedicated to the people who first settled here 100 years ago.

The lake is very low, I noticed. If it gets any lower the boat dock is in trouble. That can’t be good at the peak of runoff.

Now I’m at the hotel bar. It’s a good one.

Desert City Downpour

Location: Duffy’s Pub, Kamloops, Canada
Miles: ????

Drove back through Prince George (it looked like all the alternate roads were unpaved), stopping there for breakfast. There was a newsletter at the front counter that looked similar to the one I had read in Mcbride, so I picked it up. It was the first issue ever and, alas, the quality of the writing was really poor. The publisher did seem sincere about supporting the rural communities around Prince George, though, so good luck to them. The standards will probably improve with practice. That’s what I hope happens for me, at any rate.

On the way out of town I stopped off for a brief visit at the fairly lame farmer’s market, then drove up the highway I had first come into town on. Now that I wasn’t going to Alaska, I reminded myself to slow down and take advantage of photo ops, like I had earlier in the trip. “Get out of the car, Jerry,” I reminded myself often. It helped. “Stop the narrator in your head, writing about things as you see them,” is tougher. I’ll start with getting out of the car.

I took some pictures, but I’m starting to feel limited by my little camera. It’s a good camera for what it is, but I wish I had multiple lenses now. And the colors see washed out to me. I’m starting to experiment with adjusting the white balance (or something like that) to see if the colors are more vivid. Anyone know what other adjustments I should look at? I also want more pixels, but then don’t we all? What would be cool is a camera that hooks up to the computer while shooting to use the computer monitor as a super high resolution viewscreen. Not always practical, but when feasible it would be really nice.

Passed 50,000 miles on the cars odometer, passed 5,000 miles on the trip staring at the ass of a lumbering truck, and at 50140 miles my road trip was 5014, 10% of the total miles on my car.

Went through some more pretty country, then at Cache Creek things abruptly turned arid. I cruised into kamloops hoping to perhaps find a cheap place with Internet. I had passed a couple up north earlier in the day, so I had hope for the relatively large town. I didn’t look that hard for high-speed, though; I was willing to settle for working dialup.

The pimple-faced kid working the desk of the hotel where I stayed recommended a bar called Duffy’s, a short walk from the hotel. You know you’re in the boonies when you meet a pimple-faced kid who doesn’t know crap about computers, but his bar recommendation was a good one. Here I sit at Duffy’s now, sipping a good Pale Ale which purely by chance is on special tonight, watching the driving rain outside. (“Desert City my ass,” I told the waitress. “We need the rain,” she said.) I can’t take my laptop home in this weather. Looks like I’m stuck here until the rain lets up. Curses!

I think I scared the waitress. She asked me, “You want another beer, honey?” and we had gotten accustomed to each other, so I said, “Certainly, Dear.” I think I put more growl into the “dear” than I intended. It was a while before she came back and after that she called me “guy.”

Epiphany, Schmepifany, Epiphany

Location:Vanderhoof, Canada (The geographic center of British Columbia!)
Miles: 4639.6

Slept in a bit tis morning, made tea, and emerged to a wet morning. The mountains to the west I had looked forward to photographing in the morning light were gone. I loaded up all my crap and headed back up to Highway 16 and continued west. West, toward Prince George, the next step on the trip to Alaska. Potential trip. In Prince George I would be able to get all the information I needed about ferry schedules and prices. I tried to figure out what I was willing to pay for a 3 to 4 day boat ride. I guessed that’s how long it would take.

In the bar last night Amy had been surprised when she heard I hadn’t seen any bears in the area. Well, today I saw bears. Where the forest is cleared back from the road bears were munching berries off the bushes. I saw signs warning of crossing deer, elk, moose, wolves, and bighorn sheep, but the only animals I saw on that stretch actually crossing the road were bears. They should protest for better signage.

Even the grocery store is overweight I stooped in McBride for fuel for the car and food for me. I asked the woman taking my money at the gas station where a good place to eat was. She pointed to the hotel across the street. “Best cook in town’s over there right now.” The woman was really fat, so I figured she knew what she was talking about. There are a lot of fat people in Canada. I noticed that from day one, sitting at the Kokanee Pub with a really fat group of people at the table nearest mine.

I moseyed over to the restaurant and sat myself down. The people at the table next to mine were thin – they were also Japanese Tourists. The two girls that came in right after me were quite large. Don’t get me wrong, I have a few extra pounds on me and the trend is not favorable. I ordered my fat sandwich from the fat waitress (“do you want gravy on your fries?” “Sure.”) and idled the time away reading the little news pamphlet on my table. Ah, life in a small town. The newspaper is a weekly, and is a single sheet of yellow paper, larger then legal size, covered on both sides with ads and community news. This was the first entry under Community Announcements:

On Friday, June 4th 4 guys from Burns Lake had their Air Conditioning Pump pack it in around Dome Creek. They were heading to Calgary to join the block party on 17th Ave. watching the big Hockey game. The guys were picked up by Blaine Davis from P.G. in his SUV and their vehicle was towed to McBride for repairs. Blaine is working in Valemount so he offered to let the guys take his SUV to Calgary so they wouldn’t miss the game. Anyone who would like to help with anything for the guys can contact Blaine at…

Editorial critique aside (yes, those capitalizations are all in the original), how many places are you going to break down and the guy who picks you up and drives you an hour into town (I passed Dome Creek on my way to Prince George) then loans you his car to drive to another city? Damn, I want to break down there.

Leaving town there was a sign that said “Check your fuel gauge. Next gas 211 Km.” Actually, whatever the original number on the sign was had been covered with a piece of cardboard with the new number written by hand. Later I passed a gas station that had closed. The point is, things are far apart out here. Clouds, rain, and all that for the first hours of driving. There were a couple of graceful bridges over sudden gorges with rushing rivers, but the annoying thing is they always put the dramatic gorges in the middle of narrow, winding sections of the road, so no pictures.

Prince george In P.G. I overcame a brief bout of VICBS (visitor Info Center Blindness Syndrome) and got a ferry schedule and rate sheet. I sat for a while and realized, not surprisingly, that there aren’t many runs that go all the way up the coast, and the schedule just doesn’t work. Much better is driving up there and taking the boat back. I head out. Alaska, baby!

But what if the boat is already full? Simple fact is I am tired. The thought of the boat trip has given me a little wind, but I start thinking about the hours of driving. My road trip is becoming a job. Do I even have the juice to keep writing “Drove to new place. The world is beautiful.” and keep it interesting? Is it still interesting to me? I prefer not to drive the whole day, and 5000 miles round-trip was looking like a reasonable estimate if there was not a boat in the picture.

I called. The boat was full. I stopped and got a fairly cheap room in Vanderhoof, discovering that although there was a phone in the room, and there was not charge for dialing an 800 number, the phone system was some sort of wacky thing that worked only with special phones. The sign in the room said hooking the phone line to a computer could damage their phone system. How’s that for lame?

No boat, no Alaska. The more I thought about it, the more I knew it was the right choice. I’m not equipped for an Alaska road trip – for that I need two fewer suitcases and one more tent. A sleeping bag I fit in would be good, too. (My current bag is a relic of backpacking days when I was in high school. It’s a great bag but now it’s too small.)

But if not now, then when?

Next morning…

That ate at me all night. When would I ever be driving around up here again? This morning I was sipping my tea when I figured out the answer to that question. When? Whenever I want to. It’s possible that I’ll never go. It’s possible that there will always be something more important to me than a road trip to Alaska and a boat ride back. But if I want to, I can go. That got me so excited I almost decided to drive to Alaska right now.

Crossroads and Epiphany

Location: Valemount, BC, Canada (map)
Miles: 4386.2

Before I describe to you the recent past, it is only fair that you understand the present. Let’s just pretend for a moment that I was somehow important to national security. Maybe president, or something like that. Let’s say then, that as president I’m sitting in a bar and I notice they have a pretty good selection of single-malt scotch. “The genie has left the bottle,” a secret service man would whisper into his cuff, and the damage control teams would swarm into action.

My drive today, through some of the most spectacular scenery yet, was dominated by a single question. Should I drive to Alaska? I have always wanted to go there, and when was I going to have a better chance? But fundamentally I am tired, and the idea of two weeks or more of nothing but strangers didn’t appeal. Not when there was a place I could go in Montana where I could feel connected. Most important of all, in Bozeman I could relax for a few days, not drive, and spend the hours instead on my other projects. Hang out there, go to Vegas, head out to the space launch, take care of my business in San Diego, then head east. Simple.

I thank the sweet lord for bartenders every day, but this day I offer an extra homily. Her name is Amy, and for today she is my honorary favorite bartender.

Out of Edmonton I went straight west. I followed 16A and then 16 back up off the plains and into the mountains. In Jasper, there was a decision to make. Continue west and by implication north, drive for several days to Fairbanks, or turn south through spectacular country and head back on something more closely resembling my original course – whatever that was.

All I knew was that I was tired. I had spectacle fatigue. I saw things that would have made my heart leap ordinarily, but I could hardly blink. The rain fell off and on while the clouds tore at the impervious peaks, and I simply drove. I didn’t think, then, about how the assault on the stone by the air seemed futile but ultimately the tireless air and water would wear down the stones, as long as the sun shone. I just drove.

I reached Jasper and knew that I was just too plain tired to make the decision about which way to go. I ate lunch there, poring over the atlas, trying to estimate the effort involved to get up there. I had been planning to see the space launch in Mojave later this month. Were the two exclusive? I decided to stop, sleep on it, and perhaps even solicit input from you, my faithful readers. The only problem was that Jasper is a really expensive place to hole up this time of year. I tried several places, but couldn’t stay there. I hit the far end of town and there is was: the choice. South or West. I chose West for the simple reason that sleep was closer in that direction. I was so very, very tired.

Down, down, down I went, while the mountains shook their fists at the sky all around me. Occasionally I realized that I was driving through some of the most breathtaking scenery on this big earth, but when I did I also understood just how tired I was, Another mountain range. Sun in the distance, rain close by. Rushing river next to me, feeding into Moose Lake. I drove through it with the vague apprehension that perhaps I should be appreciating it all more.

I was heading toward Alaska, but more important I was heading toward rest. When I got to Terre Jaune I had made up my mind. South. Driving to Fairbanks, was, I realized, work. It was a long time without the safe haven of someone to crash on, of no preregularization. It was a commitment. So it was that I turned south at Tete Jaune (the whole yellow head thing is for another episode if I ever figure it out) with a sense of relief. I was back on track. If not now, then when? echoed in my head, but I knew that I wasn’t out here to commit to anything. I had done the right thing.

So I came to Valemount. I found a cheap hotel (actually a very nice cheap one) right next to the town’s only bar. After a nap I headed over. I didn’t take any technology with me, so for quite a while I was sitting at a dead bar with nothing to do but think. I unblocked a problem I’ve been having with The Monster Within and eventually started a conversation with the two bartenders. I mentioned to Amy that I had thought about driving to Fairbanks and she said, “Do it.” I told her about how much I had been driving lately, and how tired I was, and she said, “You should take the ferry up. they call it a cruise, but really it’s a ferry.”

Perfect. Not driving for a few days, going somewhere cool, and on the way become a regular on the boat. As long as I can plug in the laptop, this is ideal.

The Road to Edmonton

Morning came in Calgary and I worked hard right up until checkout time, when I sent an email to Deena (oddly, I think that’s the first time I’ve mentioned her name. She’s the producer on the project I’ve been working on) saying that I would be unreachable for a few hours and I gathered my stuff and quit the room.

Outside is was blowing hard and steady out of the north. I was tempted to drive with the top up again, but while the sky was filled with puffy clouds it didn’t looke like they were going to manage to combine up and amount to anything. I watched them for a few minutes, because they seemed to be forming up in long north-south ranks. I wondered if it was a trick of perspective or of perhaps there was some gigantically long-wavelength resonance in the atmosphere that was pushing the clouds into their slots. That’s the way I was thinking that day, in my interlude between fixing software bugs.

It’s always windy in a convertible, so the top went down and off I went, north. I’m not sure why I chose Edmonton except that I knew I could get the Internet, it was reasonably close, and it was a hockey town. OK, when I put it that way, it’s pretty compelling, but still it would have been wiser to head south, more in the direction of my next destination. Toward where I won’t be racking up hefty roaming charges when the client calls. Wiser, schmiser. I went north.

The highway between Calgary and Edmonton is what you would expect between two large cities, wide, easy, and under construction. When I turned north into the wind I turned off the tunes. The roar of the wind was so fierce that even with the stereo up pretty high I couldn’t tell it was on at all. I wondered what the roar was doing to my ears. Many of my peers have rock ‘n’ roll deafness, I think twenty years of convertibles may have had a similar effect on me (along with the rock ‘n’ roll, of course).

That’s what I did on that drive. I wondered things. On a small highway I’ll turn my headlights on, but on a road like that in the bright sun I won’t. Why? To save electricity. The logic goes like this: You turn off your lights at home to save energy, and your headlights take just as much energy as the lights in your house. That energy has to come from somewhere. Turning off headlights should improve your mileage. And I’m sure it does. Just not measurably. That got me to thinking about how people, when energy is very dear, will diligently turn off lights before driving half a mile to the convenience store for milk. So I’m thinking about the amount of energy a car cruising along the highway consumes relative to a lightbulb. If our engines were rated in watts instead of horsepower, the relationship would be easier to see. But then I thought some more. You can’t compare them outright because the efficiency of producing the energy and transporting it are different. then I thought some more. And some more.

I passed a gas station sitting right next to a refinery with the same brand name. I thought they should put out a sign bragging about how fresh their gas was. “Straight from the refinery to you!”

I thought about thinking about stuff. I thought about thinking about the American Road Myth. I shouted my thoughts into my dictation thingie. “The farther north I go,” I hollered, “The easier it is for me to imagine that I am on a ball, scrambling up the curve of it’s surface.”

“It’s all in my head,” I added.

Calgary

The morning broke bright and clear in Canmore. I spent the morning doing a little work and writing about the Hockey game the night before. You might have heard about it. Finally I checked out and loaded up the car. It was chilly, but not top-up chilly. I tied everything down and as I was getting ready to leave when a motorcyclist who was parked next to me noticed the license plate.

“Californ-eye-eh” he said. “You’ve come a long way.”

Sometimes it doesn’t feel like I’m getting anywhere, but he didn’t want to know about that. He and some friends had ridden in from Edmonton for the weekend. “It rained on us the whole way,” he said. “We got soaked.”

“I must have been lucky,” I said.

“Top down the whole way, eh?”

“Pretty much.” I had the top up the first day, from San Diego to Grover Beach. That was more than two months ago. There were other times the top was up, but not when I was traveling.

We chatted a little more. I asked if Edmonton was rooting for the Flames now, or if even the idea of Lord Stanley’s Cup coming to Canada was not enough to overcome the rivalry between the cities. “Oh, during the season, ya kno, no way. But when things get this advanced, we’re all Canadians. Although,” he added, “Half the team is Americans and the other half is Europeans. But you know how it is.” He laughed, I laughed. He recommended I take the old highway 1A down into Calgary, rather than the new highway 1. “More relaxed, ya kno?” I wished him a safe and dry ride home, and pulled out.

I filled up the tank and pointed the car east and down, through foothills covered with lush grass, following a shimmering river. Overhead the sun was becoming more the exception than the rule, and ahead was a solid wall of black. The end of the world. I was heading right toward it. The air abruptly became decidedly colder and somehow fresher. Livelier. I started looking for a place to pull over to put the top up. I was driving along a stretch of road with ditches immediately on either side. In my head I was tallying the value of the electronics lying exposed to the weather when I finally found a spot. I pulled off the long straight road as far as I could, unloaded, put the top up, and reloaded. I had gone less than a mile when it started to rain hard.

This will sound strange to anyone not from Southern California, but I had no idea how my tires were going to handle the rain. They have a lot of miles on them and will need replacing soon. It had been many months and thousands of miles since they – or I – had driven in significant rain. People joke about how many accidents there are when there is the slightest sprinkle in San Diego. I expect part of it is that after all those months, people have no idea their tires are bald and their wiper blades are shot. But I digress.

I got to Calgary and found a hotel for the night. I figured this would be a good place to see my work to completion, but there were simply no rooms at all in the city for the following days. None. There is a big petroleum conference in town this week. One hotel guy suggested I try Canmore.

No matter. I had a place for sunday night and an excellent Internet connection. I got a lot of work done. I had been invited to a chinese restaurant/lounge in Calgary by the woman next to me while I watched the hockey game, but I didn’t make it down to that part of town. This is what has become of me. I passed up a chance at a free beer. She had been pretty enthusiastic about my road trip as well, asking questions that in other circumstances I might have found leading, but she was just friendly. Her husband was friendly too.

In Calgary, then, ensconced in a nice but pricey room, I had a little time on my hands, so I went to find a bar nearby. I landed a block away at a place called earl’s. earl’s could have the slogan, “We’re pricey, but we’re trendy.” I nearly turned around and left when I saw the fancy decor, but the hostess caught me while I was trapped in indecision and therefore easily led. The hostess was also very attractive.

The entire staff was clearly chosen for their looks as well as their outgoing personalities. earl’s report card – price: D; ambience: D (unless you like that sort of thing); service: A. I had no urge whatsoever to become a regular there, nor I suspect, would the management be that excited about having me as a regular. I had some good food and pounded my head against The Monster Within for a while.

After that it was work and figuring out where I would sleep the following night. I knew it had to be a Hockey town.

Danger…?

Between Calgary and Edmonton I saw several signs that looked like this:


It was a good thing these warnings were up. Those unicyclists juggling while on a rough road can be a real hazard.

Hockey Night in Canada

Location: Boston Pizza, Canmore, Canada (map)
Miles:3799.1

I woke up fluffy-headed and groggy, none too enthusiastic about breakfast, but I knew that what I needed more than anything was some good greasy breakfast food. I shambled down to the dining room of the hotel, where I had a 10% off coupon. Plus, I didn’t have to go out into the daylight to reach it. The dining room was overrun with little old ladies (well, they weren’t all little) wearing vests that identified them as belonging to the Fraternal Order of Eagles. An odd fraternity, I thought, with no men evidence. I assume they had stashed their husbands elsewhere. The women were getting ready to go into a meeting of some sort, so they had all had breakfast at the same time. I don’t think the hotel was ready for that kind of rush. They were doing their best to keep up, but there was just no way they could.

I sat and read the menu about fourteen times, wishing I had brought my book or my laptop down with me. Finally I ordered two eggs over easy and hash browns and toast. $4 Canadian, less the whopping 40 cents off for the coupon. “No meat?” the waitress asked, surprised. Breakfast without any meat? Who was this strange man? After not too long my food came (sunny side up but firm whites, with just a few crunchy bits around the edges – not bad at all) and I managed to eat most of it.

Back in the room I puttered around for a bit. I managed to find an AOL 800 number that (for a fee) allowed me to check email and look at the comments on this site. Finally I schlepped my stuff out to the car. It was my first day driving without a bright sun to cook me. The sky was gray, but with texture, like a bowl of gray popcorn overhead. Rain in the future? With the car loaded, it takes a few minutes to go from top-down to top-up, and the computer equipment probably didn’t like getting wet. I put the top down and piled all the stuff in.

After one wrong turn I headed north, toward the jagged mountains that stretched across the horizon, the teeth of a giant table saw cutting the world asunder, the teeth trimmed in white. The gloom did not mar the drive. At Radium Hot Springs I turned right and headed into the <I’ll put the name here after I look it up> national park. That was a good choice. As soon as I paid my entrance fee I found myself passing through a deep cut in the rock, and when I came out the other side there were big-horn sheep grazing by the road. One of them had big horns indeed. I drove up a valley between two rows of mountains. The road was in good condition and an easy drive. All along they way there were signs that read “Avalanche Zone. Do not stop.” as well as the usual animal crossing signs, which seemed to indicate that there were certain areas reserved for deer to cross, others for big-horn sheep, elk, and moose.

Canada is a bilingual country, so all the signs were in both French and English. I found the translations for place names to be funny. “Dog Lake” became “Lac Dog”. I had to wonder why, if they translated the word lake, why they didn’t also translate dog? Lac Dog. There was also “Somethingorother Glacier” Which translated to “Glacier Somethingorother”

There was also ample evidence that there had been a very big wildfire in the area not too long ago. It was another relatively dry winter up here, so there’s probably more of that to come.

Originally I had thought to stay in Banff, famed for it’s mountain splendor. I drove into town and looked around for a bit, and I’m sure I could have found broadband Internet there, but the whole place was a little too cute for my taste. Modern rustic taken to extreme. It looked expensive as well. Back onto the highway for me, heading east toward Calgary. I’m glad I decided to stop in Canmore. It’s still nice, but not in a prefabricated Disney MountainLand sort of way. The first hotel didn’t have broadband access (“We’re putting it in soon”) but the very helpful girl at the counter called around until she found a place that did. (Note to self: email best western and commend her – whatever her name was.) So here I am, Web-enabled with only a few annoying hiccups.

At the desk as I was checking in, I asked where would be a good place to watch the game that night. No need to say which game. He recommended Boston Pizza, which surprised me, but it was a good choice. I got there not long before the game started. The restaurant has a bar area with a big-screen TV. The room was full, but there was one empty stool at the bar, just waiting for me. I settled in and wished I had something red to wear, surrounded as I was by Flames jerseys. The room cheered when The Star Spangled Banner played, and the whole room sang along to O, Canada. There was a cheer as the team came out onto the ice, and an extra loud cheer for the goalie. There were as many women as men in the room, and they all knew their hockey. I have never watched a hockey game in a bar while surrounded with such enthusiasm. It was infectious. I was a Flames fan, through and through. (The woman sitting next to me at the bar asked me if I was a Flames fan, and I answered quite truthfully, “Of course! Hockey belongs in Canada. What do they know about Hockey in Florida?” I did admit that I had not always been a Flames fan, but she forgave me that.)

To finish so I can hit the road, the game was great fun, but the Flames lost in the second overtime. CBC coverage of the game was very good, better than American coverage. They don’t have to explain as much. they just make comments like, “That was stupid. That kind of trick doesn’t work here!” I don’t think the restaurant was getting very good service, the waitresses were all standing at the entrance to the lounge, watching the game. A whole row of pretty hockey fans. Who could ask for more?

Here’s the view from my hotel room this morning:
viewfromhotelincanmore.jpg

Funny Money

Got a build done for the client and got onto the road about 2:30 – not as early as I would have liked. I came down into Colville and gave Bob a call to thank him and decided to grab a quick bite at McDonalds. It was not a quick bite. I waited in line, trapped by the cars behind me, for several minutes. When I reached the order box what I heard was “Sorry for the wait. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.” Finally it was my chance to order. “I’ll just want a Quarter Pounder with no cheese and a medium Coke,” I said. I watched on the panel (to ensure accuracy) as she rang up a quarter pounder with cheese, hold the cheese. I thought of trying to explain to her what she had done, but at that point it simply wasn’t worth forty cents to me. When I got to the first window, the 50ish woman took my money and apologized for the delay. Not all McDonald’s are the same. Some are worse.

On the road at last, burger sitting heavy in belly and caffeine increasing my heart rate, I took Highway 20 east out of town. At the outskirts of town there was the faint smell of skunk, my totem animal if they’ll have me, and I decided that was a good omen. I had put on plenty of sunscreen while waiting in the drivethrough, so I was protected. I put Stiff Little Fingers in the CD player and blasted Suspect Device.

At mile 3490.2 (kilometer 5628.2) I was quizzed briefly by a nice Canadian Customs lady and I crossed into Canada. I have never been to Canada before, so I was pretty excited. The only real changes I noticed were the speed limits were in km/h, and one in four cars had Calgary Flames flags attached to them.


I followed a route recommended by Bob, largely on the strength of a bar he liked. Traffic was not bad and I made good time, arriving at Kokanee Cove Pub at suppertime. I looked over the menu and decided to splurge a bit – I had to have the barbecue prawns in secret butter sauce (I a sucker for secrets), but that didn’t seem like a meal so I had the steak and prawn combo. Of course, I also ordered a beer. The beers seemed a little on the pricey side until I realized that these were Canadian Dollars. Woo Hoo! That was like 20% off or more right there.

After dinner I made the short trip up to Cranbrook to find a place to sleep. I searched high and low for high-speed Internet but without success. The responses ranged from “We don’t have any access to the Internet of any kind,” to “We’re planning to put that in soon” to “We have two rooms with the Internet, but they’re both taken” and finally “We have one room left with high-speed. It’s a Jacuzzi suite and it’s $350.” That’s too much even in Canadian dollars. Finally I just gave up and went somewhere cheap near a bar.

I ended up just going to the hotel bar instead of the one I saw next door. My laptop battery was dead and the hotel lounge was deserted, so I knew I could find somewhere to plug in. It worked out well, too. They had a good pale ale on tap for a good price (unusual in hotel lounges). I had four of them over the next couple of hours and as you may be able to tell from the last episode, written while I was there, I got pretty loopy. That must have been a pretty potent ale. I went back to my room and tried to connect to AOL, but I couldn’t figure out which numbers were local.

I woke up in the wee hours still on top of the covers, shoes on, an arm over my eyes to keep the light out. I want to know what my waitress put in that beer.

Bar Curse

I came sliding down off the tattered remains of Mount Mazama through a strange forest of tall, very thin trees in a race to see who could reach the sun first. The winners had not emerged yet. The trees had branches only at their crowns. It seemed like a forest of toothpicks. I assume that the forest had been cleared by fire or logging a couple of decades ago and the new saplings all got started at the same time. It looked like Darwin was about ready to assert his harsh rule there, if man didn’t do the thinning first.

I went the long way round the mountain, then headed east and north. I could have gone past Bend but my eyes were tired, and I wanted to be able to take my time finding a cheap place to sleep near an interesting-looking bar. Bend is a pretty large town, but I had gone almost all the way through it before I found a hotel and a bar close together. The bar: Cheerleader Sports Grill and Pub. The hotel: Motel West.

Things started well enough. I scraped the bottom of the car pulling into the hotel parking lot, but not badly. The woman who was in charge was very friendly. A talker. She let me look at a couple of identical rooms and pick the one I preferred. someone had been smoking in 130; I chose 126. “Where’s a good place to have a burger and a beer?” I asked her while my credit card was processing.

She pointed behind her, in the direction of Cheerleader’s. “This place right here has the best burgers.” She called back into the back room. “Honey, what’s the name of the huge burger we always get over there?”
“8 ounce,” came the gruff reply.
“Eight ounces,” she said back to me. “Well, they seem big to me, anyway.” If we were using the metric system I would have figured out more quickly that that’s a pretty damn big burger.

I had a plan, then. Before going to the bar I went across the street to Safeway to get more sunscreen. (Don’t ask.) As I walked past the bar I noticed that it looked pretty dead. On the way back the owners were out front, heading home. They close early on Sundays. I talked to them briefly, just to make sure they weren’t going to open again later, but did I think to ask if there was another place nearby? Of course not. I think the answer would have been ‘no’ in any case. finally it was back to Safeway for a six-pack and an evening in the room. (How’s this for psychology? I had no interest in a twelve-pack, but there was a sale on six-packs that made two of them much cheaper than the twelver. I almost bought two, just for that reason.)

When I got back to the room, I turned on the TV. Those who know me can vouch that while TV makes most people moderately stupid, television makes me a slack-jawed idiot. In bars I can tune out the TV, since the sound is rarely on, but last night in my room the box sucked my brain out through my ears and digested it with flashing lights and suggested sex. Thus, there is no episode called ‘Bend’.

Today’s drive was a little different. I had a destination and a deadline. The goal was not as difficult as I thought it was going to be, so I needn’t have worried, but I did. I headed north on my good friend Highway 97 into some big sky country (with apologies to Montana). There were parts that could have been the high desert in northern New Mexico except the scrub trees were a different sort, but there were also wide valleys green and lush. The sharp lines between desert and lush spoke of irrigation.

I damn near ran out of gas. I passed through one town, not happy with the price, and with an easy 75 miles in the tank. Town after town I passed, and if they had gas stations, they didn’t put them on the main road. I was really starting to sweat. The needle had swept past ‘E’ like there was a hole in the tank. I checked the miles since last fill-up. 375. I wished I hadn’t looked. “I’m screwed,” I said to myself. Mile after mile went by. I approached a settlement with a small building with GAS spelled out in big white letters on its roof. Judging by the age of the weed-engulfed pumps, there had been no gas there since 1960. I knocked my speed down a little more.

I was sweating when I came into Grass Valley, pop 165. It was a pretty little town, no part prettier than the gas station. I pulled in but didn’t see anyone. Across from the gas station was a towing service. I had made it; I wouldn’t need to be rescued. I pulled up next to the pump and listened to the silence. There was a sign that said ‘open’, but there was no sign of any people. There was no credit card slot on the pump; in fact, in Oregon it is illegal to pump your own gas. I got out of the car, stretched, and looked around. No one. I went to the building and tried the door. Locked. Fuck.

I got back into the car and drove the short distance to the other end of town. I passed a diner that was packed with memorial day celebrants, and then I was out of town. I was not going to depend on the next town having gas. I decided to go back to the 24-hour tow place. They had been open, and I knew they would have cans of gas. I was willing to pay a premium. As I was parking in front of the tow place I looked over and saw someone pumping diesel at the gas station I had given up on. I swung around and pulled up to the pumps again. A guy came sauntering over from the distant diesel pump and said, “How’s it goin’?”

He was a really cool guy. We talked about selling houses and seeing the world. (He’s a landlord.) His face was weather-beaten, his shirt said Harley-Davidson and that was not for show. While my tank was filling, two girls pulled up in a canary-yellow Xterra. The driver wanted higher-grade fuel (he only had regular there). I started to explain how if their car was tuned to run on regular then any higher grade was a complete waste of money, but he just said, “This is good gas. I put it in my bike.” Beyond question was the idea that he would put anything less than the best in his bike.

11.1 gallons. Eleven point one. I had plenty of gas left. I’ve put in 11.5 before, and more. 399.9 miles. You have to give that to the back roads. When you move more slowly you go farther. As I got ready to leave, he looked me over one more time. “I’m jealous,” he said. “If you had a cold beer between your knees right now, I’d be throwing rocks at you.”

“I’m in enough trouble already,” I said and drove away.

I was driving for a destination today, but as I got closer to my goal I realized that there was a flaw in my plan. Tomorrow is the first work day since that hectic spate of builds I heaped upon them Saturday. There will be questions. There will be another build. I won’t be delivering that build over a modem. Quick change of plans (“plan”, in this case, is used in the loosest possible way) and I pull up short in Spokane, delivering a cruel tease to one of my best friends, and I’m checking into Quality Inn.

As I’m checking in, I ask, “What’s a good place around here for a burger and a beer?”

The check-in woman points across the street. “There’s Dribblers over there. It’s a nice bar, but I don’t know about their burgers.” “Burgers are secondary,” I assure her.

It’s an eery replay of the night before. I walk up through the empty parking lot to the door of the bar. There is a sign. “Open ’till 2a.m. every night” it proclaims in bold ink-jet letters. There is another sign, handwritten with black El-Marko. Three words, three lines. CLOSED! CLOSED! CLOSED!

Crap.

I drifted up the street and that’s where you find me now, at a place called The Onion. It has a kind of glitzy-chainy feel, but the help is right friendly. Eavesdropping on their conversations has led me to believe that they actually enjoy working here. I like being in places like that.

Crater Lake

Location: Abbey’s Pizza, Bend, Oregon
Miles: 2763.6

The call of the road was less urgent this morning, and I got a good start on the day by going in to Central Weed for breakfast. I missed out by jumping on the first hotel I saw last night. The one I stayed in was nice enough, but in Central Weed there were a couple that advertised much better rates. More important, Central Weed even has a little downtown area with a couple of promising-looking bars. Alas, I will never have a chance to learn the charms that lie behind the door of Papa’s. It didn’t really look like my kind of breakfast place. I was scouting around for a good place for breakfast when someone in a moose costume directed me to a place called the Hungry Moose (or something like that). It looked OK so I went for it. If some poor bastard or bastardette is going to stand around in a moose costume they may as well get something for it. While I secured my belongings several passing cars honked at the moose. Not an annoying honk, just the social beep-beep hello-neighbor sort of honk. I imagine in a town that size everyone knows who’s in there.

After eating more than I should have at the all-you-can-eat buffet, I wedged myself into the Miata and pointed its nose up Highway 97. With Shasta on my right, shining white against an azure sky, a few skimpy clouds clinging to it’s peak, I started a slow climb up into the something-or-other Bluff Valley. The road was already shimmering with heat mirages. I wondered: How many times would I have to drive on that road before I stopped noticing that incredible volcano? Did the truckers I met coming the other way still see it? Did it still take their breath away?

To my right in the distance was another snow-capped peak poking up behind the nearer mountains. I guessed that it was Mt. Ranier, a long way away. That’s the Cascades in a nutshell, beautiful strings of mountains punctuated by awe-inducing cinder cones, improbably stark and jagged against the sky, rivaled only by each other.

crater lake One of the most impressive of these peaks would have been Mount Mazama. The jagged remains are impressive enough, but the top of the mountain is gone. In its place is a ring of peaks and a steep-walled crater. The mountain went from being one of the tallest peaks in the world to it’s current state in a single event.

Humans witnessed this transformation. We have seen cities destroyed in our lifetime. We have seen genocide. We have not seen a mountain cease to be. One of Mazama’s sisters, St. Helen, blew a side of her face off, but that’s simply nothing compared to this. Mazma ceased to be. Perhaps all the power of man combined could rival that, but I doubt it.

While it must have been shit-your-pants unpleasant to be around the day the mountain exploded, and there were people around then, it’s certainly a great place to be now. As I climbed the slope on the south side of the mountain the snow at the sides of the road got deeper and deeper. I was driving next to a deep gorge, and there were some tantalizing side roads that probably led to some nice views, but they were blocked by snow. Only the main road had been cleared.

At the entry gate where I paid my fee I was greeted by a very friendly ranger, who warned me in advance that most of the road around the rim was still closed. When does it usually open? I didn’t ask. No matter. I had been planning to go out the north gate, which was closed, but I’m nothing if not adaptable. I paid my ten bucks and up I went.

At the top it was crowded, possibly because so much of the park was still inaccessible by car. All the visitors were crammed into a small space. I spotted some hikers as well, and even considered going on a ramble myself, but I just wasn’t equipped for it. Hiking up there requires a lot of preparation, since the weather can go from beautiful to deadly very quickly.

I found a spot for the car, secured all my crap, and climbed the small snowy bank in front of me. Judging by the number of footprints in the snow even that part of the park had not been open long. I scrambled up the few feet to the top of the embankment and there it was. For a few minutes I forgot about the camera, stopped the voices in my head, and just looked.

Then I took pictures. You can look at those. Like Yosemite, Crater Lake really is what it’s cracked up to be.

Weed

Location: Silva’s Restaurant, Weed, California
Miles: 2470.2

I skipped breakfast this morning – I didn’t want to take time out to eat and delay my departure any further – plus I was out of food. I took care of a last few things for work, hung around long enough to say goodbye to Mark and Leza and took off. I’m not good at goodbyes; I’d prefer to simply vanish. I would be disappointed, however, if someone simply vanished on me. Disappointed an relieved. I know, however, that most people want the opportunity to say that one last thing. The appropriate thing. Let’s face it. the things you say between hello and goodbye are what matter. I had a great conversation with Leza in the shadow of goodbye. We pulled out our best stories and we both told them well. Ask her about Venice some time.

It was past noon already by the time I left. That was OK, I have a couple of days to burn.

I left the house hungry and thirsty. I had decided to go down through the legendary Carson City (“The Capital of Nevada”, the welcome sign reminds you) although I knew that none of the old west character would be left. As I rode US 55 into town I was assaulted by every fast-food restaurant even invented. I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. Not even the drive-through. The road had me once again, and my blood was singing. I opened a bottle of Coke and put on sunscreen at traffic lights.

The highway took me straight through the heart of Carson City. I was looking at an interesting-looking bar simply called “Jack’s Bar” when I noticed that I was driving past the Nevada State Assembly building on the other side. I bet a lot gets done at Jack’s. I bet they have a back room. Rolling through Carson City is slow, but speed’s not the issue, motion is. I am on the road, and I’m not leaving it. Through Carson then, and picking up speed as I head North to Reno. As the car moves faster I push up the volume on the tunes. (Drill, their self-titled – and perhaps only – album. One of my favorites.) I’m rolling, hunger forgotten.

Reno is just a bunch of buildings next to the highway. There’s a quick shot of adrenaline when the truck in front of me loses a load of wood. They were thin strips, maybe for wood flooring, but in a convertible that kind of thing is extra-exciting. Fortunately with lightning reflexes and catlike grace (and plenty of time to react and room to maneuver) I avoided the crisis and the adrenaline just added to my exhilaration.

Along the way were several tiny towns, most of which had withered up and were about to blow away. The first place that even tempted me to stop was a barn with the classic red roof and Burger Barn written across it in big white letters. It was the kind of place that used to line all America’s highways, before sameness became a virtue and people began to only take 2-lane roads as a luxury. Burger Barn also was closed up and gone. A shame, but so it goes, and so I went. Up on the high plains traffic was sparse, the grass was green, and the world was big.

Somewhere along this stretch of road I started to wonder if I could get someone to pay me to just keep going.

Susanville, the first town of any size, was a very pleasant-looking place. It’s there my route turned alpine again, and it was there I picked up my shadow. It was a primer-gray sedan of indeterminate American pedigree which followed as I turned from 36 onto 44. For the next 50 miles or so it was always there in my rear-view mirror. I was going just fast enough so he didn’t pass. When I passed another car he would pass it too, but he never passed me. I took the corners much faster than he did, but on the straights he was right there again. For a while I was mildly annoyed. I tried to get him to pass and leave me in peace. Later I passed a truck and he couldn’t get around it, and I was alone again, and I missed him after that. I almost slowed down to let him catch up again.

I came to an unexpected intersection as I cruised highway 44. There was a pullout right before the intersection, but I was moving, my shadow buddy was still behind me, and there was to be no stopping. I chose wrong.

“Wrong” is a difficult word to apply when any choice is going to lead to a great drive. Indeed, my wrong choice today was not bad at all. Highway 44 is for most of the length I drove today in excellent condition and passes through spectacular scenery. After the wrong turn the speed limit slowed to a more sane 55 for a road like that, and the pavement was almost silent. With almost no tire noise, and no engine noise as the car slid along effortlessly at that speed, there was only the modest wind noise. I turned off the tunes and glided through the forest.

One section I went through was being actively logged. There were areas that were clear-cut, but not the vast tracts of yesteryear, instead they were strangely straight-edged clearings. From above, it might have looked like a checkerboard pattern. Hopefully after the chewed-up ground recovers they will be strange, square meadows. (Who am I kidding? they’ll be replanted with trees soon enough.) Also there were large areas that had been thinned rather than clear-cut. The ground was pretty chewed up there also, and the trees that were left were pretty scrawny, but today I chose to be optimistic and recognize that those trees now had the space to grow into the great trees whose stumps were still all around. The timber industry is a topic for another day, or perhaps another blog. Today I was burning gasoline, not wood.

Onward and downward. I started to get the feeling I was going the wrong direction, but the road was a twisty one and a pleasant one. Finally I slid down out of the mountains into Reading, at the northern end of the mighty central valley, and about sixty miles farther south than I had intended. No matter; as Interstate highways go, that section is pretty sweet. There is only one reason I say I took a wrong turn, and that is base solely on my map. the road I meant to take dances around the base of Shasta like a drunken bridesmaid. I would have enjoyed that drive.

Now I’m in Weed. “Weed”, in these parts, is generally not a reference to an unwelcome plant in your garden. For all I know, the term when used in reference to pot has its origin here. I am in Weed, CA. I met not one single person in this town that would validate my innuendo. It was your typical small town.

My paranoia about finding a room was completely unfounded. Rather than go into Central Weed, I got off at the South Weed exit because there were hotels advertised on those “Gas – Food – Lodging” signs. Now I’ve talked to a couple of people, and Central Weed sounds pretty cool. That’s all my imagination, of course, like that highway I didn’t take. But as your faithful reporter from ‘out here’, wherever that is, I will get to the bottom of Weed. Helpful is the back of the menu at Silva’s, where I had my Lunchdinnerfast, only a tiny portion of which I reproduce here:

Weed on weed:
The city of Weed is nestled on the western slopes of Mount Shasta in Northern California at an elevation of 3,467 feet. Located right at the intersection of Interstate 5 and Highway 97, it marks the beginning of the Alaska Highway… Weed is surrounded by national forests, high desert plains, and volcanic formations of geological interest. The central city in Siskiyou County, it is just fifty miles from hte Oregon border.

There was a lot more. I stole the menu so if you want to hear more, I can hook you up. (There is a council-manager form of government here, and a bowling alley.)

Mount Shasta is 4317m high. I would really love it if someone would calculate how much of the Earth’s atmosphere is between the top of my head and the top of that mountain. It’s probably half or more. Looking up, I couldn’t help but think how thin the layer of life is on our planet. The top of that mountain may have a little life, but not much. Below the crust life does not go so deep either. We, all of us, are a membrane on the surface of a rock. We are a thin film of particularly exciting molecules that are pretty fragile.

Free at last!

And boy, is it about time. I’ve been thinking about the difference between being alone in a friend’s house and alone in a hotel room. There were days I saw almost nothing of my hosts (Mark is in San Jose most of the time anyway), so I really was on my own. I explored the town, met people in bars, and all the stuff I would do if I was a total stranger in town. But it was different, no doubt about that.

Something about belonging. I’ll work something up from the road, which calls louder with each passing minute.

American Road Myth, part 2

I’ve touched on this already – that solitude is a big part of the American Road Myth, so forgive me if this repeats some of what has been said before by me and by you. In part one, I described the road as a path to personal wholeness, or the myth of wholeness, at least. Implicitly, those on the road will never know that wholeness. The road is a place for the unwhole. They just keep moving. They are the drifters.

The road myth is all about the drifters; they are the frame that the myth is hung upon. People with no place. They go everywhere and belong nowhere. The heroes of American legend are drifters. The road has shaped our heroes and our old heroes did much to build the road myth itself.

It’s the classic story – a stranger comes to a troubled town. He knows no one, owes nothing to anyone, and has nothing to lose. He understands evil, though. He knows how it works and he knows what to do about it. His separateness from the rest of the people gives him a power they don’t have, a mythical energy that comes from strength of character and moral certainty. At least, that’s what the townsfolk see. We know that any American hero has demons as well, ghosts that drive him mad even as they give him strength. It is the evil he fights within himself that gives him power over the evil he meets. The road looks like the path to escape the demons, bit it isn’t. The road is where the demons live.

At the end of every story, the hero is presented with a choice – stay in town, put the demons to rest, settle down with the prettiest girl, or return to the road. Return to a life of haunted solitude. The choice is always the same. (Although there is the occasional story where they have to shoot the girl to get him back on the road). Big trouble in Little China did it best: “Aren’t you even going to kiss her?” “Nah.”

Many countries have adopted our loner-hero character, and the Australians may have improved upon it, but it is still a peculiarly American myth. A hero in a story is only allowed to have a social life if an equally prominent character demonstrably does not. Bad guys are surrounded by people, Good guys go home to empty apartments with chinese takeout cartons overflowing the trash can. They have no furniture but a lazy-boy and a small TV on a milk crate with a coathanger for an antenna. They like it that way. Jackie Chan has a family to nag him, Nick Nolte probably never even had a mother.

I have certainly embraced the idea of the hero as a loner in my writing. The main character in The Monster Within is about the most solitary person I’ve even seen written down at the start of the story. The Fish, while still in its infancy, is a story directly about the search for solitude. By disconnecting from the world, the narrator is able to see the nature of ordinary things through many different layers, and hear the stories going on around us all the time.

Which brings me back to the drifter. When he finds a new place, he sees the things that everyone who lives there has learned not to see. He sees the truth. His power is to show the truth to others. He may be the best with a gun, or perhaps Kung Fu, but his real weapon is truth. It is why the town appreciates him so much, and why they don’t try too hard to make him stay. Too much truth, all the time, would be scary. It’s better for everyone if he just… vanishes. As if he never was.

He shows them the truth and makes them free, but he never shares the truth about himself. That is for the drifter and his demons alone.