My spelling correcter just changed m’fuckin’lord to mmfnuckin’lord. It does not change m’fuckin’ to mmfnuckin; the lord part is apparently important. I’m sure there’s something to learn from this.
mmfnuckin?
Reply
Monthly Archives: March 2016
wp-cli, Where have you been all my life?
WordPress updates can be pretty insecure. FTP was invented back before there was an Internet, and when when no one thought that bad people might be on the same network you’re using (why even have a password if you let everyone see it?). Ah, for those naïve and simple times!
Yet even today most of the Web-site-in-a-box products you can get to run on your GoDaddy account use FTP. I control my own server, and you can bet your boots that FTP is turned right the hell off.
It can be a hassle setting WordPress up to allow its update features to work in a very secure fashion, however. I was wrangling rsa certificates when I ran across another solution: rather than push a button on a web page to run an update, log into the server and run a command there. Simple, effective, secure, without file permission fiddling and authorized_keys files.
wp-cli does way more than updates, too. It is a tool I’ve been pining for for a long time, without even knowing it. Want to install a plugin? wp plugin install "xyz" and you’re done. Back up the ol’ database? They have you covered. Welcome to my tool belt, wp-cli!
If you’re not afraid to type three commands to update your site, rather than trying to maintain a hole in your security in such a way that only you can use it, then this is a great option for you. Check it out at wp-cli.org.
An Internet Security Vulnerability that had Never Occurred to Me
Luckily for my productivity this afternoon, the Facebook page-loading feature was not working for me. I’d get two or three articles and that was it. But when it comes to wasting time, I am relentless. I decided to do a little digging and figure out why the content loader was failing. Since I spend a few hours every day debugging Web applications, I figured I could get to the bottom of things pretty quickly.
First thing to do: check the console in the debugger tools to see what sort of messages are popping up. I opened up the console, but rather than lines of informative output, I saw this:
Stop!
This is a browser feature intended for developers. If someone told you to copy-paste something here to enable a Facebook feature or “hack” someone’s account, it is a scam and will give them access to your Facebook account.
See https://www.facebook.com/selfxss for more information.
It is quite possible that most major social media sites have a warning like this, and all of them should. A huge percentage of successful “hacks” into people’s systems are more about social engineering than about actual code, and this is no exception. The console is, as the message above states, for people who know what they are doing. It allows developers to fiddle with the site they are working on, and even allows them to directly load code that the browser’s security rules would normally never allow.
These tools are built right into the browsers, and with a small effort anyone can access them. It would seem that unscrupulous individuals (aka assholes) are convincing less-sophisticated users to paste in code that compromises their Facebook accounts, perhaps just as they were hoping to hack someone else’s account.
I use the developer tools every day. I even use them on other people’s sites to track down errors or to see how they did something. Yet it never occurred to me that I could send out an important-sounding email and get people to drop their pants by using features built right into their browsers.
It’s just that sort of blindness that leads to new exploits showing up all the time, and the only cure for the blindness is to have lots of people look at features from lots of different perspectives. Once upon a time Microsoft built all sorts of automation features into Office that turned out to be a security disaster. From a business standpoint, they were great features. But no one thought, “you know, the ability to embed code that talks to your operating system directly into a Word doc is pretty much the definition of a Trojan Horse.”
So, FIRST, if anyone asks you to paste code into the developer’s console of your browser, don’t. SECOND, if you are in charge of a site that stores people’s personal data, consider a warning similar to Facebook’s. Heck, I doubt they’d complain if you straight-up copied it, link and all. THIRD, just… be skeptical. If someone wants you to do something you don’t really understand, don’t do it, no matter how important and urgent the request sounds. In fact, the more urgent the problem sounds, the more certain you can be that you are dealing with a criminal.
Knives going live!
Knives, my serialized fantasy story, is now officially launched! Woo! You can visit over at its swanky new digs. For those of you unfamiliar with the genesis of this story, it started as a fun little project called The Fantasy Novel I Will Likely Never Write, but two things happened: People started clamoring for more (yes, clamoring), and I was having a ton of fun writing it. So those first few chapters of dubious quality gave way to richer, better-written ones, and it began to look like TFNIWLNW was not a very good name for the project.
I have spruced up the first few chapters and put them in a new home, all on their own, so people can enjoy the story without being distracted by all the goings-on over here at Muddled Ramblings and Half-Baked Ideas. That turned out to be rather more time-consuming than I had banked on, so those who clamored have, ironically, had a long wait.
In fact, the clamorists still have a bit of waiting to do, as I upgrade the first chapters from light first drafts to richer second drafts. But here’s where you can help! You see, there’s a lot of things competing for my time, and the one way to make sure Knives remains a vibrant story is to put beer in my refrigerator. You, my good friends, can become patrons of the arts.
Please go visit the new site, and give a read. If you like it, click that Patreon button and pledge a wee bit per chapter. When certain goals are met, new chapters will come out. Plus, patrons will (eventually) get some modestly cool extras for their eyes only. Still working on setting that up.
Go, read, enjoy. It gets violent, and there’s a teenage girl who is gleeful with her profanity, so Knives is not for everyone. But I’ve got chapter seventeen champing at the bit to rush out and greet the world, but, like a younger daughter, she can’t get married until the elders are all taken care of.
Hm. Not my best metaphor stew. But you get the idea.
And to those already supporting the story, please, spread the word! Help me get to the targets that will free the next chapters!
How to Win James Patterson’s Writing Contest
It showed up in my Facebook feed the other day: “Co-author a book with James Patterson!” That got my attention; although many of Patterson’s co-authors are really, really bad at their craft, you have to figure that the exposure and automatic best-seller listing have to be good for a career. Even the abysmally horrible Michael Ledwidge now has twenty listings over at Amazon (all with Patterson’s name on them as well), and I have to figure he’s doing pretty well for himself.
The man, the myth
Patterson (if he’s not being held in a cryogenic cylinder by his agents while they squeeze every last dime out of his name) seems all right with putting his name on horrible books. For that reason I’ll never pay for anything with his name on it.
But would I co-write a book with his name on it? Hell yeah! I’ve got something that would knock his socks off. It doesn’t quite fit his cookie cutter (more on that shortly), but it’s close enough to pitch.
So, knowing I was just encouraging the man, I clicked the link. The contest is open only to those who take his “Master Class” — a series of videos that costs $90. I am being asked to pay $90 to learn from the man who theoretically mentored Michael Ledwidge. Yikes. But I’m sure a lot of people will fork over their precious cash (even more precious to working writers) to chase the dream of seeing their names on the cover of a best-seller. Hell, someone is going to win, and that someone will likely produce a better novel than Step on a Crack.
Even if you don’t win, your idea might make the big-time; here’s some fine print: They can “use the content, including without limitation, the right and license to make, use, sell, offer for sale, and import any products and/or services which practice or embody, or are configured for use in practicing, all or any portion of the content…. without permission from or compensation to you or any other person.”
(Thanks, Trent, for digging that up.)
So now people are paying $90 to hand over their ideas to a bankrupt franchise. Now, that’s not as evil as it sounds. I sometimes quip (in reference to novels), “Ideas aren’t worth the paper they’re wiped on.” Novel writing is about execution. But if I saw my main character in a Patterson novel written by some (other) hack, it would tear my guts out.
I will not be participating. But I understand if other folks cannot resist the siren call. Even after that analysis, I feel the pull. It is a magnificent prize. I’d like to give those who participate a couple of tips on how to succeed. You don’t have to thank me, it’s what I do.
1) The hero is everything. He is a man. He is unbelievably awesome, yet single. In my very small sample, I have seen a cop, a father of many, watch his beloved wife succumb to cancer in the first book of a series, leaving him in need of a Good Woman, and I’ve seen a war hero who was resuscitated from death on a battlefield only to stand up and fail to rescue his buddies in a burning helicopter. I’m amazed there were no kittens on the helicopter to make the events more tragic.
So, your hero. Tough. Smart. Resourceful. Really feeling a hole in his life where a Good Woman should be.
2) That tough, smart part? Well… he doesn’t actually have to be smart; if you just say he is, that’s good enough. Somewhere in chapter two have a buddy give him shit about his physics degree and the patents he holds, and you’re good for a while. In fact…
3) The good guy can actually be pretty stupid. If he has to swallow his brain to make a scene work, no biggie.
4) Now let’s get to the bad guy. Great thrillers are built on the power of the adversary more than on the strength of the hero. On an unrelated note, in Patterson-plus-one novels a bad guy is handy. The bad guy must commit ALL the classic bad-guy mistakes:
a) create an incredibly intricate plan
b) base their incredibly intricate plan on the incompetence of the good guys
c) after that succeeds, make a really stupid mistake
d) [optional] escalate the threat as the hero gets close
e) refuse a pragmatic way to win in favor of a poetic gesture
f) confess to everything when caught
5) I’m sure I left out a couple, but I need to move on. The bad guy must be one of the smartest people on Earth. Only, as above, you only have to say he is a criminal mastermind; he’s not exactly facing Encyclopedia Brown, here, you know what I mean? Encyclopedia Brown would break the story.
5a) Encyclopedia Brown as a down-and-out detective, bloodied by life yet still standing. CALL MY AGENT!
6) The Good Woman. She’s hanging around the periphery, noticed-but-not-that-way by the hero. Maybe in the next book he’ll see what’s right in front of him. Maybe in the book after that. Treat her well, she is the avatar of the woman reading your yarn. Your contract as a writer is with her. She is, despite limited exposure, the most important character in your story. She is competent, understanding, always there to wash the blood off the hero’s face and look after the orphans he adopted for some reason. When he comes home drunk she is there (having just put the orphans to bed) and she pours coffee into him and listens to him and feels for him.
Someday, she knows, someday he will open his eyes.
7) The Bitch. Everything the reader doesn’t like about her co-workers rolled into one. Sexy, manipulative, only out for herself. In one of the Patterson stories I read, the writer couldn’t even be bothered to make her a problem. She was a bitch, then she felt bad about it and disappeared. Christ I think that lump of poo was written over a weekend. But if you want to shine in the Patterson fold, give the bitch some teeth.
To circle back to the title of this episode: the best way to win is to not play. But if you must play, remember that there is a formula for success. And remember also that you can write to a formula and still be good. Hell, many of my favorite stories are formulaic. So don’t let that stop you. But you actually have to write a good story. That’s the lesson Ledwidge never learned, despite the stature of his mentor.
Slot-Loading Record Player
Where I’m sitting right now, I can see the row of vinyl anchoring our bookshelves. Some great stuff in there.
All lined up with no place to play.
I can also see our turntable, not hooked up, trapped in a cabinet that does not allow access enough to open the turntable’s lid. Then it hit me. There’s no need for special cabinet modifications and sliding drawers just to put a circular disc onto a spindle. CD Players have been managing that problem since the very beginning.
If I had a slot-loading turntable, I’d be good to go. I did a brief search for such a thing, and apparently they exist for 45’s, but the only one I found that might work for LPs was a dead link. But with today’s entertainment furniture, it seems like a no-brainer.
While we’re at it, perhaps we could replace the needle with a laser, and extend the lives of our precious vinyl albums.
Using my Photography to Promote my Writing
I’ve got a bold new venture in serial fiction kicking up, and I’m facing the simple reality that pictures sell. I can’t draw worth a lick, but I do take pictures and could possibly even shoot video. The thing is, I’m completely stumped about how to take pictures that support the particular story I’ll be flogging. I suppose I could put friends in costume and head out to the woods for a shoot, and then photoshop the crap out of the results to make it look less photographic, but…
There’s got to be a better way! As someone who claims to be creative, I have to admit I’m totally stumped by this one. Maybe I’ll just put the fish-eye lens on the camera and take close-ups of my little dog. Nothing to do with the story, but people love that stuff.
My Little Clickbait
Announcing Knives (Beta)
Well, it’s time, I think, to introduce Knives, the serial fiction project formerly known as The Fantasy Novel I’ll Likely Never Write. It has its own place now, knives-the-novel.net, where you can see the first five (improved) episodes.
At this time, I would appreciate a few people checking it out, and letting me know what they think of the organization, the theme, and the experience in general. Please leave your comments here on Muddled Ramblings and Half-Baked Ideas — finding a good discussion forum for Knives remains stubbornly on the incomplete list.
Also, I would be Super-Duper grateful if a couple of folks who are so inclined could report back on the Patreon Experience. Of course that means pledging support for the story; I sincerely hope some of the regulars here see fit to toss a bit into the tip jar.
Once I work the kinks out of the system, I will be exhorting you all to spread the word about Knives, but for now, let’s keep things modest.
And, once more, faithful readers, thank you!
Everyone Knows Socialism Doesn’t Work
Many of the things Everyone Knows are in fact, false. We are told time and again that socialism is shared misery. Misery is hard to measure, but the assumption is that workers are less productive in a socialist economy. The everybody-knows explanation is that socialism rewards slackers.
That is an assertion that can be tested, given enough data. The theorem is, then, that productivity is lower in socialist economies. Anecdotal evidence abounds. Many socialist nations have crashed in horrific failure. Need we look any further?
Well, yes, because the burning question is, “was it socialism that killed them?”
Let me tell you, when I started reading up on this stuff, the water got deep, fast, so there’s a pretty good chance my summary of economics is even less precise than Carl Sagan’s parables about physics. But here’s what I managed to glean:
- All things being equal, socialist societies are more productive.
- Corruption is the soul-sucker of an economy.
- Socialist societies are more likely to be corrupt.
So if you can create a nation where workers can work, confident that their families will be cared for, knowing they are secure and need not fear catastrophic medical bills, things can go really well. IF (and this is the giant IF) the government doesn’t siphon off the fruits of their labors to cronies, or undermine the rule of law. If, in other words, the government isn’t organized crime. Russia’s socialism was pretty much organized crime, and cratered. The former socialist republics of Eastern Europe are all examples of horrible socialism.
But walk with me here, as we explore the idea that corruption is the soul-killer of a society. Corrupt socialist nations fall. But so do corrupt capitalist nations.
Here in the United States, we have already grown the corruption of a socialist nation, without any of the benefits.
Exhibit A: Boston’s “Big Dig”
Let’s compare the Big Dig in Boston, a fine city in a fine capitalist nation, to the Big Dig in Barcelona, where socialism runs wild in the streets. While it’s impossible to say the projects are equivalent, they were both giant public-works projects that involved tunneling under cities. They both cost a shit-ton of money. The estimated cost before ground was broken for both projects was similar.
Both went over budget, but the Boston project went way, way over budget. And then required remedial construction. In the end, the Barcelona project cost a lot less.
Why did the Boston’s big dig cost so much? Let’s round up the usual suspects. Unions? Ahem. We’re comparing ourselves to Spain, here. Environmental regulations? Again: Spain. They’re pretty tough about that stuff, too.
Corruption? Bingo. The way public works projects in the United States are bid and managed is an open invitation for grift. Building a simple bridge now costs taxpayers ten times what it used to. Our tax money just vanishes into the dark unknown. Since ALL public projects are ridiculously inflated, they all seem normal. Barcelona’s cost overruns were about half Boston’s. Corruption there too, but less.
Exhibit B: The F-35 Flying Turd
Mention this weapon to any senior military man in the US and listen to his teeth grind. It is a terrible airplane, designed by politicians; the only mission it does well is to cost money. My money. Your money. Money that could be spent on airplanes that don’t suck. The men in Washington who keep this project alive are criminals, and they profit handsomely.
Exhibit C: Health care
While we argue endlessly about how expensive it would be to provide health care to everyone, a lot of other countries in the world manage to do it for a fraction of the cost. How? In our country, where does all that money go? There are some reasonable answers for some of that cost (we are not willing to accept any failure rate; our costs fund research that would not happen otherwise), but let’s face it, we could do almost as well for a fraction of the cost. Masses of money just disappear in a health-care black hole of bureaucrats and malpractice premiums.
I’m sad. Socialist nations fail because they invite corruption. We are already corrupt, and we’re not even socialist yet.
What is Trump’s Goal?
Trump is a liar, a skunk, and a bully.
A couple of years ago, Trump told the Republican party that he didn’t need them. He told them that he would run a campaign for president, and he’d hardly have to spend a dime doing it. He knew the media, and he knew he’d get free coverage every inch of the way. A WWE campaign. The GOP insiders should have listened. While his opponents spend millions to get attention, he just says the most inflammatory thing that comes to mind at the moment. Boom. Instant coverage. Attention brings votes.
Many of the things he says are lies. He knows that as he says the words. It doesn’t matter to him. When people expose those lies, he threatens to sue. Of course he never will carry out that threat, because he would lose and look bad doing it.
Hey Donald. SUE ME! SUE ME FOR SAYING YOU ARE A LIAR AND A BULLY! DO IT! WHILE YOUR PATHETIC FANS CHEER ON; ACTUALLY DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU WILL DO! I will not fall for your lies. I will not let you or your brownshirts intimidate me. STEP UP, DONALD. You and me in a debate. Any time, anywhere. I WILL TAKE YOU DOWN.
No risk there. Trump is a balloon. He knows how to manipulate the media. He is the train wreck we cannot turn away from. But every fucked-up thing he says is BIG NEWS.
Does Trump really want the responsibility of being President of the United States? I doubt it. He would really suck at it, and I think he knows that. Does he want the personal gratification of being elected? Absolutely. Does he have any plans for what he’d do with his presidency? I’m skeptical. Getting elected is important, being president is an unfortunate responsibility best left to flunkies and sycophants.
Trump will say anything to get elected. Is he racist? Who knows? But by saying racist things he gets automatic coverage. Coverage that other candidates pay for. He will say ANYTHING if it gets him on the six o’clock news. Any meme on Facebook with his face is a win for him. And now I’m saying his name too.
Trump is a liar, a skunk, and a bully. It hurts me to even acknowledge him, but the time has come to make sure he does not succeed, and that requires speaking the name of the beast. He has drawn me into his cesspool, and now I will fight.
Not only must Trump lose, he has to humiliated. His vanity machine must be punished, or the next Trump will get even closer to the goal.
Muddled Ramblings Going Down for Maintenance
I’m not sure exactly when yet, but Muddled Ramblings & Half-Baked Ideas will be going down for some long-overdue maintenance shortly. You may have noticed occasional outages lately, and with not one, but TWO exciting new sites soon to be hosted on this hardware, it’s time for a little renovation. The Mac Mini behind this site has been running non-stop nigh-on five years, and it has a lot of old experimental junk on it that just needs to go away.
The outage will likely last a few hours, and when things come back up they should be zippier than ever.
Then if I could just move this site design forward by about a decade (the irony that the massive article about rounded corner support in modern browsers uses tiled images to create rounded corners is not lost on me) we’ll be in good shape!
Foreigner Live in Wendover
On one of my more recent road trips, I was a little saddened to pass a billboard proclaiming that the giant band Foreigner was playing in (I’m pretty sure) the border town of Wendover, NV. It seemed like a long way down from where they had been.
After some consideration, however, I realized that a group of guys still making a living doing what they love is in no way sad. Maybe they pulled all their retirement money up their noses, but I’d like to believe that even former superstars love their craft, and just want to play. They wouldn’t have reached the heights they did without that passion.
But then, after more consideration, I got a little sad again. When was the last time you heard a new Foreigner song? They’re out there, rockin’ the house, but creators have to create. Certainly the boys in the band have had new ideas in the last couple of decades, but nothing new has reached the masses. Have they ceased to be artists? Have they really been reduced to being a tribute band for themselves?
Open message to Foreigner’s agent (and the agents for countless other bands): Now is the time to strike. Let the showmen become artists again, and let them tell their story. I bet it’s a really good story.
Where’s TFNIWLNW?
The Fantasy Novel I Will Likely Never Write is moving to a new home. I’ve got the announcement all set to go, but like many construction projects, getting the new home set up has been way more time-consuming than I bargained for.
Brief aside: WordPress has thousands of widgets for almost every purpose, and most of them suck. I mean, they really suck.
So I’ve been spending time on that, and not on the actual story. Bah. The time I do devote to the prose I’m investing in rewrites of the early chapters, when “IWLN” was still mostly true, so I wasn’t putting as much into the finer points of writing a good yarn. I think you’ll appreciate the difference should you be inclined to go back and read. You know, when the new home is ready.
I guess the message is, faithful fans, please be patient.
And if you, or someone you love, can draw me a couple of pictures, please let me know.
Women’s Soccer, USA vs. England, and Scary People
I’m sorta-kinda-not-so-much watching a soccer match right now. As the teams came out of the halftime break the cameras showed the English team huddling and psyching each other up, then they cut to one of the US players, alone on the pitch, with a disturbingly intense look on her face. Whoever that was, I wouldn’t want to mess with her. So now I’m paying a little more attention to the game. If the US loses, will there be violence?
Also, I’m saddened by the vast, mostly-empty stadium. This game is in many ways superior to the men’s version (far fewer flop artists, less corruption in officiating), but this is still a novelty league in footie-loving countries.
But tonight, the game is on, and it’s pretty good, now that I’m paying attention. Athleticism vs. structure. Somewhere out there on the pitch is a woman with murder in her soul, so I hope we win.
Bernie and Socialism and how to Pay for that Stuff
First off, let me say I’m glad Bernie is running for president. Even if he doesn’t win the nomination, it gives the grownups a chance to talk about substantive issues and debate what economic path the US could pursue if it wasn’t being run by crooks and about to be overrun by crazies.
Bernie likes to talk about the ideal socialism, which is, more or less, everybody in a group making sure that everyone else in the group is taken care of. Families do it all the time. It’s not inherently a bad thing. But it’s expensive from a traditional government-does-it point of view, and we have to figure out how to pay for it.
Also, Everybody Knows™* that Socialism enables lazy people. More on that another day. Bernie’s supporters point to reasonably successful socialist governments over in Europe and say that it could be that way here, too. After all, they seem to be able to afford it. What’s the difference?
There’s something no one mentions. Not even Bernie. Your tax dollars and mine are supporting those lovely socialist nations in Europe. We pay for much of the defense and security of Europe, top to bottom, east to west. We took on the burden in a grandiose, “I am the king of the world!” period at the end of World War Two. And we did a damn good job of it, too. When was the last time Europe went seventy years without a major war? Never, that’s when. Seriously. Never.
Mission accomplished. You’re welcome, Europe!
But now as the economies of Europe become ever more integrated, maybe the mission isn’t the same as it was. Maybe those happy prosperous nations can pay for their own defense. Maybe we can turn some of that military money to achieving our own paradise. The simple fact is that we already help fund prosperous socialist countries. They’re just not this country.
I propose a fundamental change in mission for our nation’s military. For the last seven decades we have tasked ourselves with maintaining world peace, and we’ve done a pretty damn good job, overall. There are exceptions, but remember: seventy years with no major war in Europe. Boo-yah! High-five, all you who have served. But it’s time to let Europe and Japan look after themselves. It’s time stop subsidizing Toyota and Hyundai and Mercedes-Benz by lifting a load off their governments’ obligations. The money they don’t spend on tanks is money they spend on day care and gaining an advantage in the marketplace.
So we stop paying (as much) for their security. We take the money we save on tanks and airplanes, and spend it on day care, and health care, and veterans’ benefits. We have the money to put everyone through college. We can get homeless servicemen, the ones who achieved this incredible period of peace, and find shelter and medical care for them. The United States is wealthy enough to give everyone health care. It’s just that right now we spend the money on other stuff. On an obsolete military mandate.
But Bernie, EVEN BERNIE, can’t bring himself to suggest this out loud. He can’t even suggest that we might cut our losses on terrible weapon systems whose only mission is to cost money. (Watch this space for a special feature on the F-35 ‘Flying Turd’.)
And that’s why I have a hard time contemplating voting for Bernie. If he was really who he says he is, he’d have the balls to take on the completely corrupt defense procurement machine. If we only paid for the weapons that worked, we could cut our budget by hundreds of billions. HUNDREDS OF BILLIONS! And our military will still be just as mighty, because it would be using functional equipment! And Bernie should have the huevos to suggest that maybe Japan could pay for its own army. But he doesn’t. And until I find a candidate who has that resolve, I can’t take any of the other social reform promises seriously. Because until we stop spending so much on defending other countries, and we stop pouring money into flawed weapons, we simply can’t afford the other stuff, much as I wish we could.
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* Many of the things that Everyone Knows are in fact false.