MY kind of NASCAR

If I was in charge of NASCAR, there’d be an 8-track in every car, with a sound system equal to the task of being audible in that environment. Race officials would randomly monitor what drivers were playing, and would penalize drivers for tunes that were not appropriate for the event. ZZTop, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and the like would be expected. Perhaps different race tracks could have different lists of acceptable bands, but ideally all tapes would be certified yard sale purchases.

Actually, that wouldn’t make a bad advertisement…

INT RACECAR

Out the windows we see that the car is in the middle of a big race. Things are jittery and the driver is twitching the steering wheel, pushing things to the limit. Cut INT/EXT and back to give perspective and excitement. BTO’s “Let it Roll” is blasting, then gets garbled and stops.

DRIVER
What the…?

Driver pulls the tape out of the 8-track, the tape is hanging in a ruined mess.

DRIVER
HECK!

Driver tosses the tape into a battered cardboard box filled with 8-track tapes with barely-legible labels. He begins to rummage around with one hand.

EXT RACETRACK
The car swerves a bit going down the straightaway.

ANNOUNCER 1 (Voice Over)
Something seems to be wrong in the Number 8 car!

INT RACECAR
Driver pulls a tape out of the box, glances at it, then throws it back in frustration.

EXT RACETRACK

ANNOUNCER 1
Number 8 is definitely slowing down!

ANNOUNCER 2
We’ve just learned from our people down in the pits that Johnson’s had an Overdrive failure…

ANNOUNCER 1
That could be costly!

INT RACECAR

Driver pulls out another tape and holds it up. With a nod he slams it home. There is a click and .38 Special begins to blast from the speakers. Driver pumps his fist and mashes the gas pedal to the floor.

EXT RACETRACK

With the music blasting, number 8 begins passing all the other cars.

ANNOUNCER 2
It looks like he’s got things straightened out now.

ANNOUNCER 1
Look at him go!

Of course, you’d have to sneak some product in there somewhere so someone will pay to make the ad.

4 thoughts on “MY kind of NASCAR

  1. Is there a penalty (two or three laps) for every 8-track that learns to fly, or do penalties only come for each 10 second period o’ silence?

  2. This sounds like a get poor amazingly fast scheme.

    I doubt that the ETTMA, Eight Track Tape Manufacturers Assoc., has much money left to sponsor car races.

  3. Just for the record: Number eight is Junior.
    Johnson is number 48.
    Although your theme of eight tracks gives an appropriate atmosphere, and delivers your point, I think you should carry it farther and say, “Whats with this Nextel Cup bullcrap? Bring back the Winston Sponsor.”

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