It was hot in here, and it’s still warm, so the doors are open and there’s a breeze passing through. Megan is on crutches; she blew out her knee, I didn’t catch how. She seems cheerful nevertheless, and is having a nice conversation with her friends. She is about eight feet from me.

What does the breeze have to do with it? I am upwind of her. I pray for the sorry souls down the bar. I think the lid must have come off her perfume bottle. When she first walked in, I thought that perhaps she had just put her smell on. They can be pretty overpowering at first. But it’s not ‘at first’ anymore. I’m actually relieved that the guy next to her lit a cigarette.

I wonder if smokers tend to lay on the stink more than non-smokers?

Maybe I’m oversensitive. My personal level of hell will be a lot like a Hallmark store. (For the arrogance of thinking I deserve my own personal hell, it will now be a very crowded hallmark store, and all the other shoppers will be attractive, stink of smells made in factories, and be asking me what I think of this cute card with the kitten, with a verse inside something like:

You’re such a very special you,
I can’t believe how much it’s true,
so on this very special day,
I have to say hip hip hooray.)

Where was I? Oh, yeah, odor. Don’t get me wrong, a little bit of the right smell can be very enticing. But a scent should be a whisper – you have to come close to catch it, and when you do it draws you closer still. That’s what makes it so exciting. When you catch that whiff it means you’re getting inside the usual barriers. Your nose is following a delicate trail, instructing your lips where to go next. When applying perrfume, put it lightly where you want to feel your partner’s breath on your skin. Scent, artfully applied, is a chemical instruction manual for the wearer’s body. It’s intoxicating, and it’s sexy.

If I got that close to Megan (not that there’s any chance of that happening anyway – I’m here and she’s there and that’s the way it always is and that’s the way it always will be) my head would explode.

While I’m on the subject of subtlety, perfume, cologne, and what-not are best when they enhance your own scent, rather than cover it up. Megan may be olfactorialy a very attractive woman. If today is any indication, no one will ever know. (There are exceptions to the enhance vs. cover rule, of course. I’ve been an exception myself. I’m under no illusion, however, that dumping a boxcar of cologne over myself will make things any better.)

If you knew me, you’d know that I’m the last one to be giving fashion advice. I am not a stylish man. Perfume is not fashion, however, no matter how it’s marketed. It is a personal statement reserved only for those you care to share it with. Keep that in mind, and maybe I can get through life without my head exploding.

4 thoughts on “Megan

  1. Once upon a time, there was a perfume called “Whisper,” and the commercials for it were most effective — an exceptionally attractive woman, saying in an extremely soft voice, “If you want to catch somebody’s attention, whisper.” I guess that philosophy didn’t catch on, because “Whisper” didn’t stay on the market very long.

    As for what women want to smell on a man, I once read about a survey about that issue. Women’s favorite scent was a near-tie between sweat (honest, hard-working-outdoors sweat, not nervous-indoors-stale sweat) and Old Spice. So men, before they head out to meet women, should go out and chop some wood, and then come in and apply just a touch of Old Spice.

    You do, however, have to watch out for that Old Spice if you’re in bear country — the most recent bear attack at Philmont Scout Ranch was blamed partly on the victim’s Old Spice anti-perspirant.

  2. Two thoughts:

    …three actually….

    ….maybe four…

    1. I am an English teacher…believe it or not…

    2. When someone has a strong oil on their body, including their hands, and shakes yours. Then, for the rest of the day, you are stuck with their smell and are passing it on to others who think you are the guy with the oil.

    3. Thanks for the kind words..I actually got rid of the rash and have no problem getting erections. Thanks for the help. Humor has found its way back.

    4. Sometimes being stuck behind the bar felt like prison…

    5. (5 already?!) I think Scott Baio is eating my turds.

    One to grow on…

  3. Discopants Radio will be on tonight…starting at about…ummm….2 or 3(pm) o’clock your time…A link will be on my site.

    Great program: Audiohijack Pro…I use it to record all kinds of things online…BBC, This American Life, net radio…Check it out if you get a chance. I think the company is called Rogue Amoeba.

    Keep on keepin’ on..

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