Well, I’ll be Googled

Well, while I ponder beer, peanuts, and old pick-up trucks, while I muse over big dumb dogs and the world’s longest bumper sticker, I’ll toss up another episode with some of the search phrases that have caught my eye lately. What you see here is a list of phrases that people have typed into Google, Yahoo, or a cousin, and somewhere in the result list one page or another of this blog popped up. Usually Muddled Ramblings was near the top of the list, but occasionally a searcher passed up hundreds of other possibilities to come here.

In almost every case the searcher did not find the object of his or her quest on these pages. As always, to prevent the search engines from coming to this page next time the phrase is searched on, some key words are obfuscated with s p a c e s.

  • Predator Power Pantshere. Did the Predator in the movie have power pants, or was that Schwarzenegger?
  • sister-in-law porn – linked to an interesting night in Montana.
  • n e t o ‘s   p a s s t i m e  bar – scored high on this search – after all, how many people are going to be talking about that place on the ‘net?
  • no pants day – although we observe No Pants Day here, this actually linked to an episode mentioning Dr. Pants’ brief foray into Internet radio.
  • Pi day poster ideas – apparently the number has its own day now. MR&HBI ranked high because of the word Ideas in the title.
  • poor boy gyroscope – no longer are gyroscopes strictly for the wealthy.
  • whores in bahrain – apparently they have them there. Linked to the Bars Of the World category page.
  • loud phones – number 3 hit on yahoo. Links to a very brief episode about, uh, loud phones.
  • time warp shirt – not sure what they were looking for; they passed 33 links that had much more to to with time warp shirts only to wind up in a discussion of pizza and black holes.
  • why do eels have little teeth? – maybe I’ll answer that in a future episode, but probably not. Maybe it’s because they have little mouths.
  • lots of baby ocelot pictures – I have the top hit on google for that, despite the fact I have no baby ocelot pictures at all. What I do have is other episodes like this one.
  • nasty nun stories – linked to my Stories page, where the only Nun may have been severe, but she didn’t strike me as nasty.
  • my mom can kick my ass – my mom can kick your mom’s ass.
  • choose a character how did he change in the story the house of staris – lots of people stop by for my expert knowledge in the field of literature. They are always disappointed. Linked to Stories category page.
  • Drunk Women – notable mainly because the searcher went through sixty-one pages of search results to end up on an episode about a sober guy (and his drunk friend).
  • gravity sex trampoline – not sure what he was looking for, but I like the way he thinks. I’ll be sure to look him up when I have my hotel on the moon up and running. Linked to my reusable space vehicle idea that I wrote up before I did the math.
  • sum small pups – they add up.
  • “reactor scrambled” – MSN only came up with five matches, and mine had nothing to do with nuclear power, or even eggs.
  • picture of a giant half chicken half squirrel – oddly, there are other sites that provide just that.
  • “how to make an electric spark” – the only match on Google. I don’t think I ever explained how I did it for Pirates, though.
  • High King’s Chair – Yahoo connected this, improbably, to a nice bar I visited.
  • p i t c h e r s  of dogs – it’s a classic!
  • Japanese scalp message – is that like a head tattoo?
  • wolf eel ambush tactics – Linked to Feeding the Eels, of course, but now I’m wondering about the wolf eel, and how it ambushes… things.
  • neuromancer “case pollard” – different books, same author. I misspelled the name of the herione in the same way as the searcher, and that made me the top match.
  • Plato ex pats – an odd enough combination I have to wonder if the searcher was actually trying to find the ex-pat game
  • photo of god looking down – seems like every time I get a shot of God, he’s blinking. Linked here.
  • supermodels riding bulls – wow. Linked to the Stories category page, where I talk about my brief time as a supermodel, and also mention a horrible (if fictitious) painting.
  • antler dust and sick – Attracted to a recent chapter one.
  • RV instrument repair – somehow was attracted to my Get-Poor-Quick topic, after wading through two hundred other choices.
  • c o n s t r u c t i v i t i s  – it’s a plague the world over, so I’m surprised more people haven’t coined the phrase.
  • matador squirrel – Linked, of course, to the now-famous Suicide Squirrel Death Cult
  • Jerry Seeger – I mention this one because the OTHER Jerry Seeger’s IMDB listing is near the top of Google’s results, while mine is nowhere to be found. Maybe this link will help: Jerry Seeger (As of this writing, fifteen of the top twenty Google matches for Jerry Seeger were references to me, either as a geek, a writer, or (frighteningly) as a photographer. You see where this is going, don’t you?)

The usual suspects were all there: pitchers of things, various bars and taverns around the world, and lots and lots of eggs. We have a new major attractor as well; folks the world over want to learn more about sweet little  D o k u r u – c h a n  and her bristling club of death.

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