If a tree Googles in the forest, does it make a sound?

Yes, it’s high time to take a look at the accidents that bring people here. For that is what brings most people here – blind chance and the whim of Google and the other search engines. In the past I have obfuscated some terms by using pig latin to prevent future searches from coming to the google page instead of the rightful target page. This time I’m inserting spaces in the words instead. It makes it easier to read, even if it’s not as fun.

  • witchcraft in springerville arizona – linked to the general road trip page. Part of the match was me telling about H i g h w a y 60
  • pup that ass – linked to an episode about Spike falling on his ass while trying to pee. But what were they really looking for?
  • bobbi hall boobs six – the Bobbi I met only has two.
  • enormous bosom – Bobbi again
  • Writing a good E U L A – One of my more important public services
  • h i g h w a y 60 New Mexico – links to ann episode with lots of good stories in the comments as well.
  • crystals feet sex – linked here
  • “passed out” marker – top of the list! Links to the episode where Jojo became my beer slave
  • positive things about drinking – they came to the right place
  • pitchers of hairstyles – Got more than one of these. I am popular among stylists who can’t spell.
  • “automobilization of America” – guess I can’t copyright that phrase. I used it here , but it is a theme in many posts.
  • iggy trumpet San diego – linked here; another one where you just have to wonder what they were actually hoping to find.
  • G i l l i g a n colour pics – links to the “Call me G i l l i g a n” series, which starts with a more muddled than usual ramble here
  • “friends bugging each other” “need space” – I’m an expert on bugging people. Links to a G i l l i g a n episode.
  • what to eat with b e e r c h e e s e s o u p – One of several searches that came to the right place
  • prenostalgia – It’s a nice word, I’m not surprised someone else thought of it too.
  • what is the state of alabama currently doing to curb de homeless? – de same thing as every other state – damn little
  • montana cactus thorn hand injury – clearly looking for something specific, and they got me instead.
  • man p e r f u m e manual – Another public service to be found here
  • pimp my peterbilt – the search phrase is more interesting than the the thing it linked to
  • fun getting get drunk – linked here. Obviously the searcher didn’t really need my help.
  • america as granfalloon – mentioned offhandedly here (Jesse’s comment is more interesting than the episode) – it just feels good to me that someone else thinks that way.
  • six bucket coltrane – amazing coincidence that all three of those words appeared in a single episode. Six Bucket Coltrane. That has a nice ring to it.
  • m e g a n smells – links to one of my more important public service announcements
  • baby ocelot pictures – linked to another Google episode, not to the original elevator ocelot rutabaga entry. It was the word baby that did it, but it’s nice to see ocelot show up now and then.
  • Suicide Meter – Linked to this episode, rather than SSDC – some good comments in there.
  • heard the voice of god while watching creatures – went to the homeless tour category page; where I would be stunned to learn that he who sought did find
  • tweaker whore san diego – sweeeeet.
  • tell her goodbye – linked to G o o d b y e, R o s e

In a given day, about 30% of the people that come to this site are looking for advice on how to cook eggs. I think the ratio is higher on the weekends. Lots of people find their way here looking up specific bars I have mentioned. A m y’s car generates a lot of hits. I’ll have to see if there’s a song by that title or something, because they come from all over the world. x r a y g o g s still brings ’em in as well. Finally I get a lot of hits when people search on the phrase “P r o u d to be A m e r i c a n”. I expect they’re disappointed by what they find.

There you have it! Did you find this site through a search? I’d love to hear from you!

149 thoughts on “If a tree Googles in the forest, does it make a sound?

  1. And to address Bo–Mr7K’s–last comment: the only thing that surprised me about reading it was I that was surprised at the news. Are you going to commute from Colville (rhymes with smallville) down to Spokane (rhymes with Choke Ann)?

  2. And thus the controversy ends. Jerry – the judge, jury, supreme court, IOC and emperor of our little plot of blogosphere all rolled into one – has reconfirmed by victory. More importantly, he is starting to refer to me by my nom deplume (spelling??). As soon as we hit ’05, no one will remember the dispute and I can start spending my political capital.

  3. So, like the american gymnast (whose name I have already forgotten) Mr. 7003 will admit defeat, but keep the meddle! Yet another blow to the credibility of our country in the international sphere! As if Shrub isn’t bad enough, we now have this to deal with. OK Mr.>7K, you can have your “victory” if it’s so damn important to you… those of us in Missouri will know the truth…that someone from adelphia.net is the true Mr. 7K.

  4. Well, there’s no way to even go back and look now; the records have been irrevocably destroyed in a standard maintennance procedure.

  5. That sounds like a concession speach from pL albeit a pretty grumpy one. The gymnast’s name is Paul Hamm, and, like me, he won and then had to stave off groundless claims by sour grapeists around the world. While I harbor no ill will towards adelphia.net, I am the one, true Mr7K not only because the site meter displayed 7000 on my fateful visit but also because I coined the phrase.

    For the sake of the accuracy of my memoirs, is this the first, full blown feud on MR&HBI?

  6. Only memoirs? Why not spend some real political capital and build a library in an out building in Colville. You’ll need some place for the blue dress, after all.

  7. Now, I don’t want to cause any trouble here, but I should point out that pL has offered a special prize package to the 1000th visitor at his site. Now, while I can see that competing for that prize would be like an Olympic champion competing in the X Games, it would be a chance to silence naysayers.

  8. To sound like a broken record…

    the hip hop world is rife with feuds. It sounds to me like the missouri sound is calling out the pacific NW sound. The only way to resolve this is for pL to hook that Olds98 to the bumper of Bob’s big truck and have us a good old fashioned pull-off. I’ll bring the BBQ.

  9. So you’re saying that the method of choice for resolving disputes in North Carolina has evolved from deuls to tractor pulls? If that’s not civilization advancing right before our eyes, I don’t know what is.

    P.S.: You mentioned BBQ, but if you throw in beer, then I’m in.

  10. This particular thread, started on 11/16 by a seemingly innocuous but apparently very inspiring and well-written post, has shown amazing longevity. Perhaps along with all the other statistics you keep on the site, you might also keep ‘longest running thread.’ You would of course have to institute rules and policies (e.g. minimum number of different participants, maximum length of days between posts) to avoid some of the more egregious self-aggrandizement schemes of a few rotten Washington apples that you have in your otherwise modest and well-adjusted readership barrel.

  11. Yeah, I could do that. I stumbled across an episode today that had forty-five comments (only the last one thousand comments show up in those numbers, so it could well be higher.)

    I could do that, but it sounds suspiciously like work. One idea I’ve had, which would also be work, is to let readers decide what the top threads are. If I can find a not-work way to make that happen you’ll see it here.

  12. In Nahth Cahrahlinah, dependin uhpon your station, we ayther resolve lahmentahbull dees-putes bahy tractor pooll or by not inviting your daughter to the ayn-yooell Mahgn-ohh-liuh Cotileeown. It goes without sahin that a reespectahble slab of bahh-bee-que will be present at ayther uhfaihhr.

  13. Now that the ever faithful site meter shows that my first term is more than 25% over, I feel the need to spend some of the old political capital by proposing that we develop a mission statement for MR&HBI.

    To get things started, what to you think of:

    “This site is dedicated to enhancing the worldwide understanding of and appreciation for:

    1.) Beer

    2.) Beer

    3.) Satire

    4.) Beer

    5.) Creative writing

    6.) Beer

    7.) Wine (as a way to embrace diversity)

    8.) More Beer

    9.) Foods to eat while you are drinking beer, and

    10.) Beer”

    Frankly, I wish there was more room for beer, but I think we need to draw the line at 10 bullet points. Personally, I see #3 getting a lot of use. Think that the readers are “modest and well-adjusted”? See #3. Think we don’t need no stinking mission statement? See #3. You get the picture.

  14. “PPolitical Change for the betterment of Beer, oh, yeah, and Amerika!” (aka the Not for Sale Party – not necessarily the current “regime”) needs to get in there some where I think.

    Also, I’m all for the pull off, if someone can spot me the money for the gas to get to the pull point, which should probably be in North Carolina in order to expedite the beer and bar-b-q side of things. It seems to me, that if one were to log on and see the site meter reading “7000,” then one would be visitor “7001.” Are you one of those people who believed the millennium began on New Year’s Day 2001?

    Yes, there are prizes in store for visitor 1000 at Fuego’s Place, not just the ability to call ones self “Mr. Special K.”

  15. I know what Fuego visitor #1,000 will be called: “Mr. Special Ed”.

    One can only imagine the prestige that comes with being the coolest kid on the short bus.

  16. pL, please. America – Fuck yeah! must always be refered to as America – Fuck yeah! See “Team America – World Police” for greater understanding. Therefore, the title should be “PPolitical Change for the betterment of Beer, oh, yeah, and Amerika – Fuck yeah!”

  17. Really, for me, especially after the last election, the bummer version tells it all. Amerika – Fuck Yeah, with a tear in my eye, and a tremor in my voice. Amerika, sniff, fuck yeah! I agree, once the not for sale party takes over, the World Police will be on the side of — beer!

  18. Oh, and Mr7K, we see the next logical step in American (Fuck Yeah) political “growth.” The insults, and coming from the lowest standpoint. Trying to insult Fuego’s Place with a crude comparison to America’s (Fuck Yeah) genetically educationally challenged, not to mention an ill conceived swipe at the bus manufactures! I hope for Muddled’s sake the bus people don’t hear about this, they can be pretty violent in their retribution.

  19. Good Morning pL,

    Thanks for getting the name right. As far as “Trying to insult Fuego’s Place …” goes, see #3.

    My only real concern from a retribution standpoint would be an unholy alliance between the bus manufacturers and the squirrels, and its hard to imagine how they could ever get along.

    On the subject of the not-for-sale party, how is the search for the Belgian, Kung-Fu Expert, Masterbrewer Monk veep candidate coming along? Do you have any resumes for us to review?

  20. I must point out here, as the only registered member of the not for sale party, that I retain the right to choose the candidate for veep. And no, so far no belgian kung fu/brew masters have stepped forward.

    Please keep the next great American party out of your petty numerical squabbles.

    7001 is prime. 8009 is prime. Just sayin’ is all. 9001. 10007. 11003. 12007. 13001, 13003. 14009. Skipping a few millennia we reach 100003.

    7K is itself is offbeat and therefore a notable number. It has led me to the real notable number roll call. From now on this site will honor the fist prime past each millenium. And, of course, 1,000,006, the most perfect of all numbers.

  21. Politics is petty. There’s no way to avoid it.

    However, my new favorite phase “See #3” may help a bit. If people don’t understand you when you say it, you could either:

    a.) ignore them,

    b.) direct them to MR&HBI, or

    c.) elaborate by saying “Satire means never having to say you’re sorry.”

    I will toast future visitor #1,000,006 (whoever thay may be) often between now and then.

  22. I’m just sayiin’, when someone comes strutting up, all proud for becoming Mr8K, they better have an 8009 to show for it. People have to pay attention around here.

    Had I any beer left, I would do a presalute for Mr1M6 right now. But I’m out of beer. Plenty of time for that later, I suppose.

  23. 122.25 years, by my calculation. Doesn’t take into account more visitors lately than when you started, but then the exponential rate of growth will probably be offset by the difficulties iBlog has keeping your website up.

    Or it could be longer, as readership drops off radically after the nasty and destructive debate in 60 years over who was really visitor 500,009.

  24. NOt sure what you based the calaulation on, time since first post or time since I added sitemeter, and I’m much too lazy to do the math myself. But this is what the viewership growth looks like. Not exponential, but not bad, until you take out all the “eggs over easy” search references.

  25. If we are going to take Bush’s word on WMDs in Iraq or Bob’s word on being visitor 7000, you can damn well accept my calculation unexplained.

  26. In an effort to keep the most meanderin’-est, eclectic-est, least-connected-to-original-post, most-feudin’-est thread in the west going…I just wanna say…

    the Jesse Monkey lives!!!!

  27. Phantom calculations, disappearing WMDs, MR. 7K, and now the mysterious Jesse Monkey in South Carolina. Keith, it’s your fault for trying that seamless transition, now everyone wants to do it, just slip right into fiction without anyone noticing. Well, at least the first attempt went well (not Shrub’s, Keith’s). As for the rest of you, well, you should sign up for Jerry’s Prague Writer’s Seminar next spring.

  28. After careful review of the manifesto put forth by Mr7k, this body finds it deficient in that it fails to mention bars and bartenders, which have a long and much-cherished tradition in our culture.

    We recommend the addition of another line item:

    11) bars, bartenders, and the beer they serve

    Then the list will go to eleven, and give it that extra push over the cliff.

  29. Oh, and Keith, sorry I ever doubted you.I should have known when the number went to five significant figures that you had done your homework.

  30. I completely agree with the Council for Non-Partisan Analy (whoever they are) on their suggestion. Not only are bartenders well deserving of inclusion, but also having 11 bullet points gives the list a “This is Spinal Tap” quality.

    For my part, I continue to doubt Keith’s calculations. Remember that 68.36% of all statistics are made up on the spot. Where are the Swift Boat Veterans for Accurate Mathematical Projections when we need them?

    Perhaps the CNPA has an opinion.

  31. Hello All,

    This will be my final post as Mr7K. (Although you can expect further comments from my alter ego, Bob, who is regrettably more kind, passionate, and humble.)

    I have decide to not seek the office of visitor #8009 in order to spend more time with my family and to join in the belittlement of whoever gets the job. (I’m just hoping it is not “someone from the NM prison system”.)

    I want thank my numerous, loyal supporters for their service.

    As I reflect on my legacy of accomplishment during my term, three elements stand out:

    1.) The Blog Mission Statement – as the primary author (noting also the important contributions of pL and the CPNA) of this foundational document, I will doubtless be considered the Thomas Jefferson of MR&HBI by the contemporaries of visitor #1M6.

    2.) The new tour name “Jer’s Beers of the World Tour” (which may be refined by Jer as “Bars of the World” TBD) – my suggestion won by a landslide in part because I voted for it as often as pollhost.com would allow. Future political wonks will doubtless consider it another example of the political saavy and dumb luck that characterized my administration.

    3.) Tone of Discourse – I’m sure we can all agree that there has been a general elevation of the dialog over the last millenium.

    Thank you all once again, and remember – when in doubt “See #3”.

  32. Dear Mr7k,

    Are you planning on building a library spanning the colville river? (pronounced “smallville river”).

    Will you house the infamous #3 there? What papers from your term will you release? Will there be any reference to the legacy of pL’s justice department team hounding your term, and imprisoning your friends? What can you tell us about this mysterious HearthNHome land deal, and why did you suddenly invest in Honeywell Materials?

  33. Hmm… maybe as well as (or instead of) the favorite threads links, I could create a bit celebrating the icons of the comments threads. Mr7k, the Jesse Monkey, Squirrels, haiku movie scripts, and so forth.

    Hmm… sounds suspiciously like work.

  34. You’ll be pleased to know that Muddled Ramblings comes out on top when you google “Bars of the World Tour” as well. I wasn’t going to tell you that; I wanted to know whether my google on that line made your next google blog. But you’d know it was me by the domain name, so it wouldn’t be as much fun for you.

  35. And, well, there’s no sign of it that I can see. perhaps you saw the list but didn’t actually click the link and come back to the page. Perhaps sitemeter said, “Oh, yeah, that. Everyone knows that. What’s the point of reporting?”

    Or perhaps, and I know all of you who know me will dismiss this possibility out of hand… perhaps, just maybe, I missed. it.

  36. After all, there can be only one…

    Please note, in the previous post, the “7” is in itallics, it, like Mr. 7K’s term, was already leaning the other way.

  37. Mr7k will always be Mr7k, but he is now a pervious millenial office holder. Much like being a former president of the US, there is great prestige but no real power.

  38. Was just over at Amazon.com, and I saw their site-meter. They report more than 69,000 visits in the past hour. There’s a rate to aspire to, Jer.

  39. Is Mr7k leaning the other way, or just further to the right?

    And given his past admitted ballot stuffing and page refreshing behavior here, are we all not left to wonder just how many votes he cast in Washington’s gubernatorial election?

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