An Open letter to Britney Spears

I don’t know you. I’ve heard of you, of course, or I would not be writing this. But I don’t know you. I don’t know what you said or didn’t say, did or didn’t do. I’m even vague on what you look like; I would not be able to pick you out in a police lineup, though I’m sure I’ve seen you on TV once or twice.

What I do know is that the whole world seems to be taking unnatural delight in dumping on you. That has to be tough.

If you want to spend a few days not being a pop superstar, drop me a line. I’ll meet you at the airport holding a sign that says “Emily Bronte”. Nothing personal about the sign, but I don’t think I would recognize you. Then again, you wouldn’t recognize me either, so it’s even. I’m a pretty boring guy, but maybe boring might be fun for a few days. Simple times, when you can randomly yell “Shit!” and never have to explain why. As a special bonus, I can teach you a couple of dance moves.

Note to the rest of the world: do the woman a favor, and back off for a while. It’s hard enough to get your shit together it in private.

3 thoughts on “An Open letter to Britney Spears

  1. My mother, God have mercy on her, used to tell me repeatedly, “Remember, someone is always watching.” In a small town, that was all too true, and sometimes I would return from a woodland foray or exploratory bike ride to find that some worthy neighbor had observed me and called her to tell her where I was.

    How much more so the life of the celebrity?

    Someone should have told Britney when she was a child star that the world will always see what she was doing. ALWAYS. And if she was so mentally incapable of understanding that, then shame on her parents for putting her in the public eye.

  2. You just titled an entry with the combination Brtiney Spears.
    You should do one of your google entires soon. I wonder what the ol blog-o-meter will show.

    [note to self: google zombie britney spears just for shits and giggles]

  3. im a certified Britney Spears fan ever since i was a little girl. she has really grown up from a teen popstar into a sexy goddess diva. luv ya britney

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