Announcing Muddled University

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On behalf of the board of directors, it gives me great pleasure to announce that Muddled University will be ready to welcome its first class in the spring of 2007. Muddled University will offer a wide range of graduate and post-graduate courses of study, but all will include that unique “Muddled Experience”, a combination of memorable cultural experiences and mood-affecting chemicals.

Located in Prague, the picturesque capital of the Czech Repblic, nestled in the heart of central Europe, Mud-U is within walking distance of museums, ancient architecture, and hundreds upon hundreds of bars. Not only is this environment enriching for students, the faculty will find the environment ideal for continuing research projects.

In addition, Muddled University will rapidly establish itself as a leading Internet presence, embracing and extending the technology of distance learning. Students will be able to receive an education every bit as rich and rewarding as one earned here at the Muddled Campus — from anywhere in the world!

Although Mud-U has not finalized its staff for the upcoming academic year, be sure to check back often. The list could include the names of luminaries such as Stephen Hawking, Tony Hawk, Voltaire, Toulouse-Latrec, Geordi LaForge, Don LaFontaine, Aristotle, Jesus, and Oscar Mayer.

At Muddled University, we have redefined the academic experience. Eschewing the traditional rigidly-defined requirements that lock students into narrow fields of focus, Mud-U instead encourages students to pursue an education as broad as life itself, and to bring all that life experience back to the university — for credit!

In order to expose students to a variety of topics as broad as life itself, the courses of study at Mud-U are likewise varied. From academic to athletics, from fine art to fine dining, (and everything in between!) Muddled University provides a richness of experience that no accredited university can match. Below are listed the primary fields of study, but never forget that “if it’s life, it’s educational.”

Television Sports:
While some universities have focussed on physical fitness and the performance of sports, and others have emphasized the broadcast of sports, only Muddled University has recognized the place where technology has had the greatest impact in both amateur and professional sports. Television has changed the consumption of sports forever. The Bachelor’s degree in Televion Sports meets this growing need head-on. Channels are proliferating and ever bar has a plasma TV. TiVo makes it easier to skip the commercials. This course will leave the student well-prepared to succeed in the world of watching the big game on TV.

Masters of Fine Arts in Literature: Haiku
The Japanese are forever frustrated that westerners think Haiku is just about counting syllables. Most Japanese probably won’t like this class either, but let’s face it, when you get to a certain point you just have to accept that 5-7-5 is haiku and that’s that. In this course of study the student will explore 5, 7, and perhaps some other prime numbers as well. Areas beyond merely composing and performing haiku will be explored, such as how to create a properly-formatted .png graphic to publish a haiku on the Web, the best fonts to use, and so forth. Students will also have a chance to evaluate the work of others, and turn them into .png’s as well.

MoFA in Literature: Blog Comments
Courses include: “Typos and unnuendo: Did that mean what I think it did?” and “Inside Jokes.” At the end of this course of study, students will be able to dazzle and baffle other members of online communities with non-sequitur statements harkening back to other comments made years ago that leave their peers reeling in admiration.

BoFA and MoFA in Graphic Design
Truly a recursive course of study, students will even have the opportunity to design their own diplomas! Also included is repairing annoying errors on Web sites and complaining about Internet Explorer (bachelors degree) or to use of subtle hints that whatever you’re using as an alternate is the best thing out there (master’s). (Please note that there will be no diplomas for any degree program until the Graphic design department comes through.)

MoFA in Fine Art
Can you draw this? Send in your rendition of this image to our professional evaluators and we will tell you if you qualify!


MuD in Squirrel Behavioral Studies
Mud-U is so far ahead of all other institutions (civilian and military) on the subject of squirrel behavior that a simple PhD was deemed by the board to be inadequate. For this and perhaps other subjects to be offered in the future, the degree of MuD will be awarded. Watch all those other “scientists” turn green when you whip out your (to be designed) diploma and laugh in their pathetic little scientist faces. “You think you know squirrels? Do ya? Buddy, I’ve made up more than you’ll ever know about squirrels!” At Muddled U, our team of crack scientists delves where none has dared go before into the dark, mysterious world of the squirrel. In addition, Mud-U safeguards the public trust by maintaining the Suicide Squirrel Alert System. Do you have what it takes to join this elite team as it protects the world?

Bachelor’s of Arts in Supermodeling
Looking great on the runway isn’t all there is to succeeding in this highly competitive field. In this intensive course of study you will learn how to stand out from the crowd. Lear how to make the Paparazzi work for you — hooking up with that married movie star isn’t going to do you any good if no one sees it. Also learn how to make the casting couch your best friend, and when it’s time to switch sugar daddies. (Applicants please include portfolio of lingerie shots.)

Please note that more degree courses will be added to to the above list as we bring on more faculty. As a student, you are welcome to custom-tailor your education to your own needs and interests. Tell us what you want a degree in, and we’ll make sure you get it!

At last, for a fraction of the cost of a Harvard Diploma, you can have an educational experience as broad as life itself. Work-study programs are available as well. Now you can earn a respected degree and help keep Mud-U running at the same time.

Muddled University intends to draw together the finest minds on the planet, to create a center of innovation and education unprecedented in history. We recognize that people like that will not be motivated by simple money, so here at Mud-U we have concentrated our benefits package on the “intangibles” — a great working environment, constant intellectual stimulation (other sorts of stimulation optional — see supermodel degree above), and the chance to be part of the team that changes humanity as we know it.

Do you know something that someone else doesn’t know? You can be a teacher! Now accepting applications.

Work-study programs in Janitorial Science are still available — start earning your degree today!

27 thoughts on “Announcing Muddled University

  1. If you have an idea for a mascot for Muddled University, now’s the time to pipe up! So far I have Skippy, the bipolar squirrel.

  2. Perhaps you could get some of the impervious MoHs to lead a course in Politics. Studnets could get real life experience running a presi-dental campaign. We might even get you some votes out of it!

    As for the mascot, I imagine some of the entrance drawings for the MoFA in Arts will produce some great ideas. That, or the winner of the Super Hero pole…

  3. Nice!

    Don’t forget the revenue potential of branded merchandise.

    I see sweatshirts proudly bearing the (to be determined mascot) and emblazoned with: “Muddled U – Varsity Speling Teem”.

  4. As someone who works in the Nicholas School for the Environment and Earth Sciences I can say, Don’t sell your university’s name short.
    Don’t let mega rich donors get away with huge clunky names.
    While Muddled U rolls off the tongue and the conciousness, I aver what better way to show you’re muddled than to have a rambling sweatshirt emblazoned with The University of Muddled Ramblings and Half Baked Ideas – Prague?

    !Go Suicide Cutey Honey Flash Squirrels!

  5. I’ve been picturing gray XXXL sweatshirts that read “Property Mud-U Television Athletics Program”, but you’re right, the possibilities are endless.

    Good suggestion, pL. I thought of a political science degree after I posted, but it was mainly about polling.

    I’ve come up with another potential mascot: an ocelot riding an elevator while eating a rutabaga, but I think that might be more appropriate as a department logo.

    I would LOVE to see some drawings of potential mascots.

    (edited to add) Jesse, you’re absolutely right as well. No university worth is salt has a formal name of fewer than six words. I went to New Mexico Institute of Mining and Technology. I also thought working “Muddleverse” into the formal name would be cool. University of the Muddleverse, Muddleverse University, something like that, finishing with “Prague Campus”. As we expand, people can collect the shirts they way they do Hard Rock Cafe shirts.

  6. Bob – If the NFL keeps sliding the Charger game into the late slot, I won’t be able to watch, no matter how hard I try, although there is one place that shows the late game on Monday afternoon.

  7. I know that, depsite recent troubles, this university will be a proud skid mark on our. …somthing or other.. Long live the Muddled Squirrels football team! USA! USA! USA! I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.

  8. Jer, Don’t forget the engineering department offering a PhD in Wacked Out and Nut-Assed Ideas. It is so much more than just Get Poor Quick Schemes.

  9. Right you are, Squirrely Joe, right you are. In fact, I hereby appoint you Dean of Engineering at The International University of Muddled Ramblings and Half-Baked Ideas.

    More appointments to follow as I review precious comments. I call this the Shanghai method of faculty recruitment.

  10. What U is complete without some large concrete 70s brutal architectural edifice named after the donor and his missus. On the presumption that a virtual building costs next to nothing, I’d like to enter into talks with you about the possibility of a “The Funkmaster G-Force and Erla Mae G-Force Center for hip-hop and centrifugal physics”

  11. Most disturbing, however, was that Visitor 58K08 was a San Diego Intuit employee that wasn’t me. Linked in from Google Reader and, like Andy the Egg Frier shortly thereafter, spent exactly 0 seconds visiting.

  12. I have a question for the Muddled U Skool of Engineering (or possibly for the Extension Office of Get Poor Quick Schemes): What’s the deal with toasters? It appears that we are still using the same crummy (couldn’t resist) technology that was in place 30 to 40 years ago! If telephones had progressed at the same rate of technological improvement as toasters, we’d all still be using a black, rotary dial, wired unit with a handset that weighs more than a trophy trout. Please advise.

    • I had to laugh when I read that the cave could protect people from dust storms. In a vacuum. There’s more likely to be a dust storm inside the habitat (if, say, the air conditioning went out of control) than on the surface of the moon.

      You know, I’m not sure I ever wrote up my plans for a hotel on the moon here at Muddled Ramblings. I’ve documented them somewhat in a story, but I don’t remember any get-poor-quick episodes regarding lunar resorts.

        • That’s an interesting article, but even if there is a “storm” that passes over the surface of the moon twice a month, it’s so insignificant that it has essentially no effect on the terrain even after millions of years. Not only does the electrostatically charged dust have to be pushed east and west, something has to hold it up off the ground. On the moon, even the tiniest dust particle will fall like a rock.

          • Unless it’s electrostatically repelled from the surface:


            The first article mentioned the possibility that the storm dust can coat things, changing their albedo and resulting in heat buildup. Just something to consider for the observation dome. You could probably charge the dome and repel the dust, but the thought of space-suited window cleaners on the moon is more picturesque.

          • Very interesting. I would still have to say that the amount of dust we’re talking about is fantastically minute, given that it has produced no significant erosion. (That, or craters are much younger than we think, which would be very interesting.)

            Unfortunately, space-suited dome-washers is out of the question – too much risk they would drop something and mar the pristine landscape permanently.

            Unless, that is, I hire squirrely joe’s team of minimum-wage moonscapers to restore the ‘natural’ look of the terrain.

          • Craters be damned — we need another Lunar landing to go look at the astronaut footprints in the lunar dust, and look for dust accumulations on human artifacts. I’m not convinced that particles of lunar dust would have much erosive force when accelerated by electrostatic forces and lunar gravity, I’m just worried about the dome getting dusty!

  13. If we want peace in our time, we do. The guy running the dark side keeps muttering lebensraum something or other, but I believe that he is a man that we can do business with.

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