The Monster Within

While the poll is at a dead tie I can release the story and not tell you whether I’ve fixed the glaring errors or not. That way you can decide. Leave a comment here if you want me to email you a copy. Don’t put your email address in the body of the message unless you want the killer spam robots to see it. If you have a mac, tell me if you would prefer RTF or Jer’s Novel Writer format (with JNW, you will see my margin notes and stuff, which might taint your judgement, but you might find interesting anyway.)


  • Although I have deleted big problem chunks, some problems still remain. I will be working on them even as you read this draft.
  • I expect criticism from anyone who reads this draft.
  • The second part of the story (Part 3 if you count the prolog) just went through a major rewrite, and still doesn’t flow as well as the rest of the story.
  • There are likely to be continuity problems after my big delete-o-rama. It is difficult for me now to catch all of them, because I know what happens, even if I deleted that part. It will be particularly helpful if you point out the places where you said “huh?” as you read.
  • While I have started to correct spelling and stray commas, there are probably quite a few places that still need help. Feel free to point them out.

And finally, to give the horse one final whack, the whole reason I am asking for readers is to get criticism. Criticism is what will turn a draft into a manuscript. Feel free, though, if you run across a part you particularly like, to mention that as well.

So step right up, folks! Be the first on your block to come to grips with The Monster Within.

18 thoughts on “The Monster Within

  1. Me, too. Please. (Not the bit about the Czech version, though. I’m afraid I would be saying “huh?” rather often.)

  2. OK, I sent out the first batch to those above and to Melinda. Sorry, pL, I only attached one copy, and it’s in English. You will have to find some sort of duplicating and translating technology.

    I assume you wanted a copy for Marianna; who else is going to read it over there?

  3. One copy please. I’m in between Villa Incognito and Plan of Attack. I’m guessing your book will fit nicely in between (albeit closer to Tom Robbins than Bob Woodward).

  4. JoJo Dynamite! Great to hear from you. I’ll get to New Mexico soon, I promise. Meanwhile, your copies are in the mail.

  5. This should be buried enough. Reader beware! People in the following discussion agree that if they haven’t read the whole book, monster within, it their fuckin fault for reading any further if some sort of plot fuckin shit should come out into the open. Shit they should already know since they just read that bit there exonerating ourselves from their folly… anyway

    You showed true discipline not killing those muther fuckers. Damn, I wanted that slow motion shit to take it to the men. Assholes.

    I honestly couldn’t put the book down. After printing the second bit, the fact the my…moment…brother wrote this wore off. I managed to get to sleep by 4am.

    But, for me there is a hole. She is facing down the fuckin black fist of the monster, and then she rides to lead the highlanders into victory…? The epilogue worked fine, except for the names. I think you should put back some of the life they had there. The writing goes well enough, two or three chapters wont ruin it.

    Nice work, bro. Good fuckin book.

  6. Hi Jerry,

    If I’m not too late, I’d love a copy! I also need your address. Got an end of year letter to post to you. Very amusing blog site by the way.


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