to: Douchebag

If blue smoke and the smell of burning rubber aren’t enough to get you to stop tailgating for even a minute or two, maybe you shouldn’t be driving.


4 thoughts on “to: Douchebag

  1. I witnessed an almost happy event with a tailgater. A car was on the back bumper of a dark car with heavily tinted windows. The dark car slowed down and pulled over into the right lane. As he/she pulled over, I noticed blue lights flashing in his/her rear bumper. The tailgating car slowly passes the dark car. But unfortunately the dark car did nothing else.

  2. Poetic justice: We were on the way back to Albuquerque from the cabin. On the bypass route around Santa Fe, there was a very aggressive woman driving a Volvo station wagon who kept trying to pass but kept being stymied by all the other vehicles going somewhere between the 55 mph speed limit and 5 mph above it. She expressed her aggression by trying to drive up the tailpipes of whatever vehicle was right in front of her. At long last, we finally found a hole in the traffic in the right lane so we could move over and let her pass. She sped up to something in the vicinity of 80 mph and gave us the finger as she passed. Unfortunately (for her, but not for any law-abiding drivers), while she was flipping us off, she failed to notice the law-enforcement vehicle in the median. When the sheriff’s deputy put the emergency lights on and pulled out in pursuit, I saw at least two of my fellow drivers doing a fist-pump to celebrate one very deserving asshole getting a ticket.

  3. To add to Jerry’s tale: Some cars seem to invite tailgating, for instance our Camry is oddly almost always tailgated, while our other cars are not as much. Also, I would say at least 90% (95? 99?) of tailgateres are douchebags, but some are just good folk who are oblivious. I had a colleague in Virginia who was the sweetest thing, really good people, but whenever I rode with her she nailed her front bumper to the car in front of her. She wasn’t angry or aggressive, simply oblivious. It was simply how she drove. I would spend the entire ride unconciously pressing an imaginary brake pedal.
    To add to Andrew and CA’s tales: My one and only instance of awesome poetic justice was the time I was stuck in a horrible traffic jam going up I-64 on the penninsula. A state trooper was stuck in same traffic a few car lengths ahead. In these situations there is always the ballsy jerks who bailout onto the shoulder and drive up past everyone. But this time they did it right by a state trooper who immediately busted them. The jerks got to sit on teh side of the road as traffic crawled by them everyone hooting and hollering. Asshats.

  4. Point of order: Tailgating hyper-miling bastards in their Prii is OK.

    /I’m not tailgating. I’m trying to push them ahead.

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