Remember the Google!

As most of you already know, I like to watch and see just what it is that brings the accidental tourist to this site. Google and its buddies form and extremely important role in the Websphere, finding for people the information they need in this big, disorganized pile of fact and opinion.

The search engines are imperfect, however, and sometimes people end up here.

Usually the search phrase is innocuous, “plate of shrimp” or something like that, but occasionally the search will be interesting, either for the odd phrase or where it linked to. Old-timers can have a little fun chuckling at the resonances between the search and remembered episodes, while newcomers can use this page as a guided tour of some of what has gone before. Search terms I do not want to attract to this page are, as always, haphazardly obfuscated with spaces.

  • b o w l i n g ball rack designs – linked to get-poor-quick page, with team b o w l i n g
  • what does poop look like in dipper’s? – linked to an episode like this one, in which many of those words were scattered about
  • squirrel cult – the SSDC is still popular after all these years…
  • obfuscated pronunciation – linked to yet another episode like this one, for obvious, if obfuscated, reasons
  • goofy footwear – linked to the observations category page, where I devote a very short episode to the subject.
  • haiku on drinking – linked to a description of a very pleasant moment I had. There’s no haiku there, though, just the teaser for the crap shop.
  • arrogant assholes – We know what major metropolis that refers to, right?
  • “sound of p o w e r” – Linked to an episode about, well, the sound of p o w e r.
  • when is the next sign ups for the Kids A m e r i c a n I d l e? – that spelling joke never gets old…
  • “pretty b l i n d girl” – linked to an episode about someone I saw waiting for a tram.
  • c o w b o y gets pulled over and dances – didn’t check the link, but I figure it probably linked to The C o w b o y God
  • b e e r e n a – linked to a episode about a woman in a bar.
  • czechs and beer – the two go hand in hand
  • m e a t rhymes – linked to an episode about hockey, which is obviously what they were looking for
  • st. louis drivers are assholes – I just said they were really bad. And they are. Really, really bad.
  • rumble rumble – linked to an episode about grocery shopping in Prague
  • team b o w l i n g – already starting to make a splash!
  • can’t wait a minute czech lyrics – linked to the main page here
  • s q u i r r e l t r a i n e r – linked to the first shocking exposé of the Suicide Squirrel Death Cult. But… who was looking for a s q u i r r e l t r a i n e r anyway?
  • death to squirrels – likewise
  • triangles in architecture – got quite a few hits on queries like this one, actually, but no architecture guys have chimed in.
  • S W E A T CHEESE – the classic Czech dish is back, this time shouted.
  • poop explosion photo – linked to the Idle Chit-Chat category. Poop comes up in a lot of queries these days, and gets routed here mainly because of episodes like this one, where I discuss previous poop queries.
  • give red flower means pink flower – linked to my erudite and unassailable writings on the meanings of flowers
  • funny spiritual stories and pics – because, you know, I’m famous for those
  • night elf breasts – speaking of spiritual stories, I’ve got your spiritual story with elf breasts right here, pal.
  • make up ideas after wearing glass for a long time – maybe I should try that, but where do you wear the glass? Linked to the main page here.
  • Sunday bloody sunday karaoke – this episode was about the morning after the White Wedding Incident at karaoke.
  • SCARY Squirrel THE GAME – linked, surprisingly, to a story in a czech pub.
  • site : humtum te – top link! (Um, Yippee, I guess…) Led to an episode with whining in it.
  • M e a t parade – everyone loves a parade!

The usuals were there, although egg frying is not bringing in the unsuspecting guests the way it once did. I’ll have to do something about that. And, after all this time denying I have a picture of elk poop, I find that I do have one after all (it’s right there in the middle). Unfortunately no one is coming here looking for elk poop anymore. “M e a t” is becoming an increasingly popular word in searches that bring people here, and I hadn’t considered before just how cool a word that is. I think I’ll say it again. M e a t.

39 thoughts on “Remember the Google!

  1. Pat has occasionally threatened to do karaoke to see how much people would pay him NOT to sing. Imagine someone totally tone-deaf singing “Rebel Yell.”

  2. Songs I sang:

    Sultans of Swing

    Uhh… something that pushed my vocal range too far. I remember looking at Jennifer as I warbled around those elusive tones. She smiled, bless her. (I think she may not be all there upstairs, if you know what I mean) Give me a minute and I’ll remember what the song was. Only I’m not interested in working that hard.

    White Wedding

    Rainy Days and Mondays (in the Camper van Beethoven style)

    Little Sister (The bar was with me on this one, but they’re suckers for Elvis)

    Ummm…. then that one

    Err… then the other one

    Uh… a couple more

    Finally: Turning Japanese. I thought the bar would rise to this song. They didn’t while I was singing it, anyway.

  3. Hmm…

    It’s not looking good for a last-minute date. But for the record I was beery, not winey.

    All seriousness aside, it’s nice to hear from you, Jennifer.

  4. Then there’s the list of the ultimate karaoke songs people want to sing that most people wouldn’t want to hear. My first nominee for that list would be “I Will Always Love You,” which Dolly sang beautifully, Whitney warped, and most karaokers out-Whitney Whitney.

    Other nominees, anyone?

  5. NOBODY “Out-Whitneys” Whitney.

    Oh, and Jerry. Its ok. I am “all there”., and I still love you. Just have two jobs, and have to work all week. See you next time I’m in Prague.

  6. Nights in White Satin – that’s the one for Jerry! Most important is the poetry, that’s what gets the people into the performance. The poor bastard I saw performing Nights didn’t get the poetry right. Plus, I don’t think he realized it’s a 15 + min. song. Nothing like a 15min karaoke song to really get the crowd going!

  7. Hey, American Pie is my favorite! By the third verse, the bar is clear and I’m guzzling the abandoned drinks. It’s a cheap drunk!

    Jer, Next time try “All By Myself!” Alll Byyyy Myselllllfffffff,… Don’t Wanna Live, …

    Sounds like you got pWn3d by Jennifer!

  8. Brian sounds like a crazy fun drinkin partner. But not in his chevy, and not by the levee.

    More photos! Plus you could also add in audio, now that you’re a karoake sensation. We all wanna hear your rendition of I’m Just a Girl by No Doubt

  9. Jesse, if you find the karaoke bar out there in North Carolina, and get me liquored up enough, that just might happen. Make sure your medical insurance is paid up first, though. If the music doesn’t hurt you, the ensuing riot will.

  10. I think one of the worst karaoke moments I ever had was when someone with even less talent than William Hung sang “Climb Every Mountain” from Sound of Music.

  11. I just want to take a moment here for every one to appreciate the fact that Jerry, of his own volition, approached a female, not already known to him and made conversation. First thing the next morning — or noon it may have been — he tells Amy about his exploits. I believe her words were — A REAL girl??

  12. Better a real one than an unreal one, I guess. (OTOH, I’ve been watching a lot of stuff on Bravo lately, where some of the unreal ones look interesting.)

  13. Yes, Brian, I like your style. I can watch to see when there’s a particularly good haul out there, and then send Pat to the karaoke mike.

  14. Best karaoke ever was Bohemian Rhapsody at a place called (I think) JT’s clubhouse. Another of The best part was that the whole damn bar sang along. (this particular karaokologist put noisemakers and silly instruments on all the tables to encourage audience participation. It worked.)

    So when it came time, half the bar was singing “Let him go!” while the other half thundered back “Bismallah! No!” and the whole place spun out of control.

    Not long after that, a big, round black guy did Chocolate Salty Balls from south park. (He brought in his own disk.) He sounded just like Chef.

    Showtunes I could do but then all the men would be hitting on me.

  15. Say could you put a “more” link on the bottom of the most recent comments sidebar? Often, when I jack in, the oldest comment is new to me, which means I may of missed something.

    I know, I know, asking for something more. Your blogcomm (webblog community, I made that up. I’m a genius.) is pretty good at, “I like the brand new episide, but what have you done for me lately.” So let me take the time to thank you (again) for lettin me b mice elf. Errr, wait, that’s Sly and Family Stone. Thanks for a great a blog, and all the wonderful work you do. sniff. with orphans. sniff sniff. and eyeless puppies. triple sniff.

  16. Alas, the RSS feed generated by Haloscan only has the last ten posts. I was toying with the idea of writing my own comments system to add a couple of new features (one that you suggested, Jesse), but while on the surface it looks pretty simple there are some tricky bits. (Like preventing comment threads from being loaded with spam. That’s one thing I have to give Haloscan props for.)

  17. OK, well, I see what you mean about being careful what you ask for, although I would point out that I did not vote for squirrels. Perhaps you should get out more, oh no wait, you are out. Well then perhaps you should stay in more.

  18. It would be the other one beginning with s. Could have been silliness, could have been sex, you the viewer decide! Actually, your story fits both criteria.

  19. FYI – the guys over at haloscan were open to the idea of including more comments in the RSS feed. I don’t know if it will happen soon, but it’s on their to-do list.

  20. Almost as interesting as looking at what searches bring people to a blog, there’s looking at where they’re from. Recently, I had a visit from someone at ATF, followed a day later by NSA. I also now get a lot of visits from people at, presumably in response to my post about Wisconsin, to add to the visitors from who almost always are searching for “what to do in soccorro.”

  21. So I’m here, and it says 29009, what the fruk? Does that mean I ascend to one of the most influential-less positions in the modern free-less world?

  22. I’m showing 29,009 as being a brief visitor from Dubai, who came on a search for “googli”. It is unlikely, I think that the MOHhood will be claimed. You, jerk, are visitor 29,008 and 29,010.

  23. Hey, what the hell. It said 29009 on the friggin screen. What more do you want? I thought that’s how it worked, the number on the screen when you logged on. What the hell, you scared of a real MOH?


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