People search the Web for all kinds of stuff. It’s good for that. However, sometimes things go terribly wrong and the searcher ends up here, where there is almost no chance they will find what they are looking for. Sometimes the search itself is interesting, however. Here is a smattering of phrases that search engines decided related to MR&HBI. As usual, key words I want to keep pointing to the original episode where they appeared are obfuscated with spaces.

• pronunciation becherovka – I’m no expert, but the more you drink the easier the pronounciation gets
• slivovice – like the above, linked to the bars tour category page
• this might pinch needle – top link, for some reason. It came to an episode like this one.
• “i love the r o a d” – top hit! Links to an episode I rather like.
• z e p t e r vacuum cleaner – went to the Roma Time Warp episode. I wonder how Z e p t e r feels that I score higher than they do on the search. Maybe they’d pay me to plug the Diavolo.
• genetive czech preposition – yes, someone came to this site hoping to learn something about czech. Scary.
• “you have to do stupid things” – Top match on Google, and why not? When it comes to stupid, I’m an expert.
• alpha romeo faults – out of many choices on the AOL search, came to a page like this one.
• alice b e n d o v á bikini – Alice has been bringing in several visitors. I wonder if the czech who did this search appreciated what (presumably) he found.
• in the forest, does it make a sound? – top match on Google led to an episode like this one.
• pitchers of the fresh prince of bel-air – it’s that damn misspelling again.
• s w e a t cheese – mmm, s w e a t cheese.
• you’re as indigent as i am – I’ve slipped in the rankings since that visit, but this episode I rather like.
• “Pirates of the White Sand” – not long after the Duke City Shootout winners were announced, someone was a-googlin for it.
• bitchin poem – second place out of 11,000, baby!
• alcohol and “yellow sick” – linked to an episode like this one.
• “brian votaw” – Holy crap! There’s more than one of them! Linked to a czech lesson
• cheskie puller – this tale of travel in the Czech Republic was not only the top match, it was the only one
• “ruthie + miguel” – just part of the growing buzz around Pirates.
• but I will go through the valley if you want me to – but will they reach the bosom of b o b b i ?
• San Angelo radio sucks –
• Lincoln+ragtop – top hit, baby!
• being unemployed sucks – linked to an episode where I make exactly the opposite case
• Expose bosom – Ahhh, B o b b i again.
• whale blowhole dynamite – links, in an unlikely convergence, with the story of J o j o becoming my beer s l a v e . (By the way, I am ranked at the top of Google for the phrase “beer s l a v e”)
• hollywood bang half up half down hairstyles – I am not the guy to consult about things like that.
• a u t o m o b i l i z a t i o n of America – alluded to often, but mentioned here
• wear a red carnation and stand under the big clock – linked to the stories category page
• new york sucks – yes, it does. Good rebuttals in the comments, though.
• no miniskirts after 35 – there, I have to disagree. There are plenty of women who are downright dangerous in a miniskirt long past their 35th birthday.
• sex gogs with girls – mmmm… gogs.
• bicycle blimp – linked to a popular get-poor-quick scheme
• eunuch sex life – I’m not proud of being found by that phrase, but not surprised.
• confirmation of r e g u l a r i z a t i o n – the searcher was probably looking for mathematical theory, but instead was lured in by this.
• RUBBER ALIEN PROPS TO PURCHASE – linked to the main page here, but was mostly attracted to talk of props for Pirates
• Los Lunas scary places – also attracted to various bits of pirate chatter
• B l a c k H o l e Thrift Store Los Alamos – a well-named establishment.
• beauty big ass – more interesting than the connection to my page about big-ass beers, Roger Ebert had the top match for this phrase.
• poems on chickens – you’ve got your poetry slam and your poetry barnyard scramble. I think the latter would be more fun to watch.
• stroming my pay with his fingers – it was a german who did this search. Inexplicably the Eels category page was the top hit.
• r e u s a b l e space capsule – it seemed like a good idea until I did the math.
• how to sell a refrigerator to eskimos – linked to the Bars of the World Tour category page. Why? Only Google knows
• “bare legs” cold winter girls japan 2005 – and make sure there’s none of those crappy 2004 pics in there! The Japan-bare legs-winter search is actually fairly common. Linked to an episode like this one.
• The Joy Of M i n i s k i r t s – amen, brother!
• women in real jail pants – I do mention pants and jail in an episode, but I don’t think that’s what this searcher was looking for.
• 
  pics of giant rattlesnakes found in West Virginia – linked to the homeless tour category page, where there are no rattlesnakes
• i wold want to now where i can go to (play games of Tinker Bell) – Wow. A convergence of various Get-Poor-Quick schemes brought the searcher here.
• “fern bar”+definition – linked to an episode like this one
• lost squirrel secret stash – an odd thing to search for on the Internet – unless, perhaps, you’re a squirrel. Linked, of course, to the SSDC page.

Of course there are the usual suspects – eggs, x-ray gogs, and now A l i c i a B e n d o v a . Lou Reed and P o w e r of P o s i t i v e D r i n k i n g have been popular as well. What does it all mean? Not one damn thing.

1

Sweet!

Thanks!