Finally Getting Muddled U. Rolling


That’s right, boys and girls! Muddled University will soon be opening its doors!

As I type this I’m having technical difficulties registering the domain — it’s at that worst possible moment when you click the “pay” button and then wait. It’s been a few minutes now, and still no response. The big question, of course is “if I try again, will I be charged a second time?” Meanwhile, I need to go. What happens if I disconnect from the Internet now? Arrg.

As a side note, .mu belongs to Maruitius, a place that by all reports is quite nice — as long as you’re not a dodo. They didn’t do so well here. Funny that’s not mentioned on the tourist Web site.

Meanwhile, it’s time to get this institution off the ground! Over the next few days I’ll be fiddling with the site off an on, but what every quality institution of higher learning needs first and foremost is merchandise. I know that several of you have had suggestions in the past, but of course I’m too lazy to go find them. So, those who wish to earn the Muddled Bachelor’s Degree in Marketing, please leave suggestions in the comments below. Don’t forget the mascot, Ollie, the elevator-riding, rutabaga-eating ocelot. Dodos would also be a good tie-in.

I am also seeking students who would like degrees in graphic design and Web design. Additionally, if you feel you belong on the faculty of the Web’s Newest University, please submit your application in the comments.

17 thoughts on “Finally Getting Muddled U. Rolling

  1. Of course, in a place like Maruitius, the institution’s primary sports team will be its sailing team, right?

    I’ll gladly accept the position of head coach.

  2. I just thought o sometin. The Maldives are making a lot of noise (and deservedly so) that their little country will disappear under Global Warming induced sea level rise. I wonder how Mauritius is doing. Might be opportunity for the first town-gown charity program.

    Just a heads up. I plan on asking for a professor position. I make no bones about it…I want tenure, I want to be full professor, and I want an immediate sabbatical. Some kind of sabbatical that involves beer research, or maybe single malt research, or maybe just plain ole digging my toes into the sand of the Indian Ocean.

  3. Continued troubles with the host of Jer’s Software Hut have caused delay in registering; but hopefully once the one problem is resolved the other will go smoothly.

  4. Speaking of marketing, can you believe the new low to which the soulless hacks at Anheuser-Busch have sunk? Budweiser’s (pause to spit) latest tag line, “The Great American Lager” is not only an oxymoron of epic proportions, but also a defamation of the word “lager”. I can imagine editors are busily updating their English to (insert foreign language here) Dictionaries with the translation entry “American Lager = Piss”.

    Even worse, Budweiser claims that its clear color indicates purity while dark or cloudy beers can mask imperfections, such as flavor! (italics added).

    Who can save us from a world in A-B decides what is right about beer, Microsoft defines what is right for computers, and McDonald’s is the best we can expect for food?

    Muddled U. – that’s who.

  5. I’m still offended by this insulting ad campaign! I have to wonder how many millions of dollars A-B spent to launch what is essentially “The Emperor’s New Clothes” applied to beer.

    Will the next phase be “If you don’t like Budweiser, then you are either a great fool or unfit to do your job”!?

  6. Yo Jer!

    Can I be on the faculty? Oh yeah, you want an application, and likely a curriculum vitae, too.

    Dear Myopic Faculty Hiring Administrator,

    I read about the open positions at your doubtlessly-someday-to-be-considered-awesome-institution-of-higher-learning, online, and would like to be considered for a multi-disciplinary teaching position: Professor of Polka Arrangement and Poison-Team Conditioning Coach.

    I would say that my qualifications speak for themselves, but qualifications don’t kill careers, people do, so allow me.

    As far as polka arrangements go, I refer you to the 951 Emma-Dome Party Polka Band, the 600 Los Pueblos New Year’s Eve Quasi-Musical Collective (hey, I wrote a viola part at the 11th hour [pretty much literally], for Aphrodite’s [okay, for Aphrodite’s girlfriend’s] sake!), and the Some Party at Some Address on Alkaid Where You Played Superbone All-Stars. I also happen to be a member of a world-renowned… well, nationally renowned… well, regionally renowned… well, I’m in a professional polka band, and you’ve attended more that one show.

    As far as Poison conditioning goes, do you remember the first Poison Goal-Line Stand? Good, because I sure don’t.

    Based on my qualifications, I’m waitin’ for my faculty gown and mortarboard, and if’n I don’t get ’em…

    Retaliation will be swift and fierce.


    John N. Nieuwguyski, BA, AS (forthcoming), Polka Demi-God, Once Beat Spencer at Poison, Lush

  7. I am glad to see John H. commenting, as the headline news of wind and rain and all of northern cali under mother nature’s seige…well anyway, just don’t let him be a conditioning coach for ultimate frisbee. There’s just so many bloddy noses the world can take.

  8. The power was out for three days and we considered ourselves stranded for half a day (the two main roads between us and the outside world were closed — the two remaining roads are more like goat tracks, and we elected not to explore them), but the high-tech umbilical cord has been repaired and I’m a posting fiend. Well, compared to my normal posting rate.

    If you didn’t want the bloody noses, you and your little friends (we were all little back then, weren’t we?) shouldn’t have invented full-contact ultimate frisbee. Tackling isn’t a feature of the official game, but that’s what was happening to me when the injuries resulted. I guess I was inventing rugbee, or Australian-rules ultimate frisbee.

    I hereby name the game as it is currently played “Penultimate Frisbee,” and offer my services as Muddled U’s “Really Ultimate Frisbee” team conditioning coach. Bloody noses are just *part* of the training regime. We’re having a special on cauliflower ears this week.

  9. Bob,
    I second your comments on beer. I don’t want to be able to read a newspaper through the pisswater called Bud. But then I can’t exactly fake even drinking that swill on a dare.

  10. Hi Lydia,

    My comments weren’t about the product. See “sorry for the drain” et al for that discussion. My complaint is about the ad campaign that is an insult to all beer drinkers who can count past 24.

    By A-B’s twisted logic, the “Greatest American Lager” would be water because it is so clear and pure and free of imperfections. That’s the kind of thinking that got us Prohibition.

    I can’t help but wonder what other ad ideas A-B has in store. Is “Yeah, its piss, but its organic!” coming next?

  11. It strikes me that Muddled U ought to have a great music department. We have John H as chair — he’s actually a real genuine professional musician, and MU can offer polkology as a unique program of study. Then we have Bob, and when he shows up, Bill Bob’s brother, who come from a family in which music is so ingrained that their cousin often can’t come sailing because he’s doing some musical something or other.

    And now there’s Gerald, who’s working on the electronic shockwave explosion organ. Check “Gerald’s Thrift Store Find”
    for details. (Jerry, please edit this post to embed the html the way it ought to be.) He should certainly rate at least an associate professorship.

  12. Seeing as the university is likely to be strapped for funds, I propose a work-study program:

    I will work as a professor without pay, if you allow me to attend my classes (the ones I teach) for free. I can obtain another degree while gaining valuable hours towards a teaching credential, and I suspect I will make dean’s list on a regular basis. I’ll withdraw this offer if anyone else enrolls in my classes, since that would call for developing an actual curriculum, which sounds like work, which is not how I envision M-U, um, working.

    Go ‘lots! -b.

  13. Hi Buggy,

    Unlike lesser institutions with their cake walk classes and grade inflation, Muddled U will have the highest standards for its Dean List. Students will be expected to achieve a GPA of eleven to qualify.

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