By any other name

I’m sitting in the Little Cafe Near Home, at my usual table in the corner. Above me on a hook hangs today’s issue of Blesk, a fine example of journalism if ever there was one — if by journalism you mean sensationalistic and lurid stories of sex and celebrity.

On the cover of today’s issue there is a picture of a beautiful woman whose name, apparently, is Alice Bendová.

Google is a state of mind

Well, it’s that time again, to see what people are searching for on the Web. Some are surprising, some are funny, some are just odd, but all these searches brought people here. As usual, words that I don’t want Google and the other search engines to pick up on I have obfuscated with spaces.

  • “how many days” wear pants – personally, I find myself wearing pants almost every day.
  • pitchers of the saw fish – I’m guessing you have to run it through the Bass-o-Matic first. I sure wish the episode that keeps attracting people who can’t spell was a better one.
  • How often rarely – Sometimes I have to wonder just what these folks expect to find. I hope they enjoyed this.
  • eggs over easy squirrel – I’m thinking they were actually looking for this site.
  • + g a t o r a d e +sex – not the first time for this, either.
  • Oh lordy lordy with your bloody wings – linked to an episode about the morning after the Billy Idol Incident.
  • “n o p a n t s d a y” accordion – this episode has been attracting a lot of attention lately.
  • bikini – linked to an episode about why bikinis are nice, but not my favorite outfit to observe.
  • the monster within – good to know the advance press is starting to work.
  • Prank Ideas to pull at Band Camp that aren’t stories – this main page was at the top in a dogpile search. I have no idea why.
  • i want to see beauty of the night – linked to a ramblier-than-usual episode that I rather like.
  • tour+bars+of+WORLD – not just the COUNTRY, mind.
  • hollywood party rhymes – ’cause, you know, in Hollywood the party doesn’t start until I start rhymin’.
  • “rhymes with ‘atlanta'” – drawn to an episode about hockey.
  • Half Baked still photos of the squirrel master – maybe I should drop Tommy Chong’s name just to get more hits from people looking for info about the movie. Look! I just did!
  • vla antenna photo – from the greek google. Amazingly, they got what they were looking for! That’s gotta be unusual.
  • fun Hangover Poem – don’t have one of those here – yet.
  • cowboy symbols and typo – I imagine the roundup. “It’s lazy J, Bart, not lazy K!” “Dang! Another typo.” Came to an episode like this one.
  • can i buy a t r o p h y that looks like the s t a n l e y c u p – I cracked the top ten on this search, and the the title of the episode must be enticing for any hockey fan.
  • half up half down hair ideas – I get lots of hair stuff (usually along with the word pitchers, which gives an indication of the literacy of the average hair stylist) , but this case it was ‘half’ and ‘ideas’ that got me the hit. The searcher did not linger.
  • “boy, i tell you what” – top of the charts, baby. this episode could not possibly have held any interest to the searcher, but it does describe a nice bar.
  • M o J a v e R o s e t i t s – I underobfuscated the last episode like this one and drew the search to the wrong place. R o s e and t i t s should be a category of its own here at MR&HBI.
  • goodbye r o s e – it was a tough goodbye, but we’re tough people.
  • my chicken eggs havent hatched yet – nor have mine, thank God.
  • folding metal chairs t hooked together – oddly, the lone t was part of the match. Linked to The Cowboy God.
  • drunk meter – linked to an episode about friendship.
  • what to carry when you’re drunk – you know, that’s a good question.
  • what is the origin of sestina – there are many, many, sites better qualified to educate on obscure poetic forms. My example doesn’t come close to following the rules.
  • chris drunk – yes, he was.
  • masochist poems – usually it’s the masochist reading my poems
  • “what makes a good bar?” – now there’s something I know something about!
  • fashionably squarethat’s me, baby! Well, except for the fashionable part.
  • main idea for so how did i get here – linked to the main page
  • driving interstate 77 in west virginia – linked to a road trip episode about a particularly nice day driving.
  • half rat half squirrel – you don’t need me to tell you where that linked to. This was also an interesting link.
  • american idle chat – doesn’t surprise me that someone who wants to chat about the show also can’t spell.
  • nice bosom – I like those.
  • “berry berry good to me” – linked to an episode like this one
  • nodding yes in slovakia – linked to the idle chit-chat category page (they nod yes the same way we do.) Some of the other links look intriguing…
  • fuego-sat – fuego with his own satellite? If that’s not scary, I don’t know what is.
  • latest hot water diversion valves – I do not have the latest, but I did have something to say on the subject.
  • r e g u l a r i z a t i o n of the person – I never did market the A c c e l e r a t e d R e g u l a r i z a t i o n S y s t e m
  • blinding flash of light poems haiku – I actually have one of those. Alas, the guest poems are graphics, so guest poems cannot trigger Google.

Of course there were the friers, and a remarkable surge in people needing advice about yearbooks. I wonder if anyone actually did sign a friends yearbook with “Elevator O c e l o t Rutabaga”.