It’s (almost) Heeere!

I’ve got a story in the upcoming issue of Fantasy and Science Fiction. They call it the July issue, despite the fact that there will be another issue out before July.

Here is an excerpt of a review of the issue:

Note: apparently there are other stories in the issue as well. Go figure. The review is protected by copyright, so I will only reproduce here the parts that have to do with meeeee meeee meeee.

Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction – July 2006 by Gordon Van Gelder (Ed.) (Spilogale, Inc. May 2006 / ) – Contents: *blah blah blah*

The July 2006 issue of The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction is another great one with all the stories getting a Very Good rating from me.


The issue is rounded out by stories by new writers. “Memory of a Thing That Never Was” by Jerry Seeger is a nice little tale about a man recruited for a war against The Other. They are apparently aliens but there is more going on here in what makes for some good intrigue.


Again, this is a magazine that you should be picking up.

So there you have it! I get a Very Good. So does everyone else, but that just means the magazine has high standards, and somehow I snuck in there. You know what you have to do, right? It’s a three-step process:
  1. buy an extraordinary number of copies of the magazine.
  2. write the editor and tell them how much you like the story by that new guy.
  3. promise you’ll subscribe if they run another of my stories (Note: please don’t sign the letter “Jerry’s Mom” or “Jerry’s credit counselor” or anything like that, or they might get the idea that you are not completely unbiased.)

The goal, of course, is to have their marketing boys say, “It’s uncanny! Sales are through the roof! The only possible explanation is this little story, Memory of a Thing That Never Was. We’ve got to get more of this guy!”

That’s what I’m shooting for, anyway.

The assistant editor who first rescued my story from the slush pile (the large stack of material that people send them even though they haven’t asked for it) will be publishing an interview with me on his blog simultaneous with the release of the magazine. I’ll put up a link so you can read my erudite drivel about things I have no business talking about.

I’m still working on getting the names of the production staff to give them a special thank-you, but I don’t want to pester the editorial staff at the magazine. Maybe there will be credits in the magazine itself.

9 thoughts on “It’s (almost) Heeere!

  1. Congratulations!

    Will May 29th be “Published Day”?

    Who will share in the honor of your buying them a beer on that great day? pL and MaK, of course. How about she-who-smiles-rarely? Others?

  2. I expect most larger bookstores in North America will have it. It’s a pretty popular magazine.

    As far as getting people to buy me beers, pL will be back on that side of the Atlantic. Getting beers from the non-English speaking folks around here might be easier once I have a copy in hand. I’m not sure, but I think they might be sending me a copy.

  3. Hot Dog!
    muy grande congratulations. As the bloggcomm knows, “That liths, dude.”
    I am grinning with pride and I didn’t even write the dang thing. Good on yer, mite.

    I have been wasting some time with the writer blog links on your sidebar, e.g. miss snark, et al.. I know that you have fellow writer buddies in cyberspace, especially over at piker press. For Jer, and all his writer pals, man, the obstacles: (say it in the Brando-CaptKurtz-ApocalypseNow-
    “The horror”- voice) “The obstacles, The obstacles.” It looks to be so frustrating to ever get published, and then you make the wage of a waitress. I bet even Dan Brown still can’t make his mortgage payment. Y’all should get a big beer, and a pat on the back for plying such a frustrating trade. Best of luck from a reader.

  4. The End
    I tossed back the last of my Tecate, savoring the heavy bitterness of the Roses Lime Juice. I didn’t have any limes, so I improvised. Invented a darn good drink if I do say so myself. The story was finished, the open mag resting page down on my knee. I savored Jer’s story, like the Tecate. Ahhh, a darn fine story.
    Barnes n Noble 3; Jer 3 everybody wins
    The Meeting I
    The Other was straightening a book stack by the front doors. “Excuse me,” I said, “I’m looking for this magazine,” I looked down at the stickynote I held in my fingers,” It’s called Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction?”
    “Sure,” the Other said, “I think it’s over here in ‘Literary’.” In my head I thought, that’s cool. I had been looking unsuccessfully over in the Sci Fi section, and finding only Battle Star Galactica Review and Tiger Beat? – big puzzlement over that one. But ‘Literary’, that was nice. The Other walked me over to the correct section, and there they were; three copies.
    The Middle
    My son sat pressed up to my chest, watching me read a book without any pictures. He seemed impressed. I held him and the mag with one arm, swirling the Tecate with the other hand. Cody helped me turn the page with greasy fingers – he loves cheese chunks. Calcium. Fortunately it was the copy with crumpled pages. Not a saver. He left an orange smear at the bottom of the page. Good story, happy content child, good brewski. Man, does it get any better?
    The Meeting II
    I walked up to the cash register. It was the same Other. “Do you have a membership card with us?” It inquired. “No.” I left it at that. There’s not much room in polite society to say, “I’m not gonna give you guys the opportunity to build a database on me. Rape my privacy and anonymity. Swear you are friends of the first and fourth amendment. Then one day get supoened by the dark forces and cave like a sugar house in the rain, handing over the political reading lists of millions of customers for 50 years!” All I said was ‘no.'”Huh. You’re buying all three?” It said, slightly bemused, slightly puzzled. With relish I replied, “A close friend has his first ever publication in there.” It was a damn cool thing to be able to say. “Well, congratulations…er…I mean… to your friend.” “Thanks.” I said.”Can I use a check?”
    The Beginning
    It was a hot, muggy day. Felt like I was takin a steambath in mutha naich’z armpit. I pulled into the empty spot in front of Barnes and Noble. I girded myself for the looming battle…

  5. Jesse,
    With Jer unable (or unwilling?) to find an internet cafe any where on the Iberian peninsula, your post was an excellent stop gap of literary excellence. In fact, I think you should consider submitting it to a magazine, perhaps “Working Father” or “Drinking in Public Journal.”

  6. Thanks Keith. I’m particularly proud of the structure, which is all my own. I invented it. Any resemblance to other stories is purely plagiarism on their part. /cough /cough

    I will wildly speculate that Jer is incommunicado because he and Buggy shipped out to Ibiza, the Spanish isle of 24hr techno raves. Currently he is in hour 36 of a trance dance, sucking on a pacifier, gobbling ecstasy and Iberian brews, and making eyes at a sweaty young thing with a barely-there T-shirt and no bra.

    Boomp Boomp bah-dee-dee-dee
    Boomp Boomp bah-dee-dee-dee
    Boomp Boomp bah-dee-dee-dee
    Boomp Boomp bah-dee-dee-dee
    Boomp Boomp bah-dee-dee-dee

  7. Nice work, Jesse. I knew I was stealing that structure from somewhere. I’m hoping that when I get back to Prague I’ll find a copy of the mag waiting for me, but I’m not sure I will.

    Ibiza might have had better Internet access than Menorca, but we chose the quieter island in the (only a little misguided) belief that it would be less built-up and less hectic.

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