Technocracy’s Big (Secret) Comeback

I have said more than once that we need to fundamentally change the way wealth is distributed in our society. I am not the first to say it, and I won’t be the last. Workers produce more and more, and the workforce as a whole is harmed by that trend. All the wealth they are creating goes into the pockets of a few at the top.

In the 1930’s, as banks failed and people lost access to food and shelter, many movements came up with ways to solve the problems that unfettered capitalism had fomented. Socialism and Communism gained in popularity, along with Fascism, which had a bit of a heyday not long after. In the mix were also some more wackadoodle ideas like Technocracy.

Technocracy is named more like a government system, but is mostly about economics. Based on the assumption of continued increases in worker productivity, the response is a very healthy “if people are more productive, they don’t need to spend so many hours producing.” So far, so good!

There is no money in the Technocratic State. Periodically each person is given a certain number of credits. They are not transferrable, and expire. When you go to the store and buy something, the credits you spend are not transferred to the vendor, they simply cease to exist. Shortages and surpluses are not the vendor’s problem.

Prices are controlled by the state, based on the energy required to create the thing. However that would work.

Before I get to some of the more wackadoodle parts, let me mention a couple of less-bad things about Technocracy. The credit distribution is essentially Basic Universal Income; everyone gets what they need. There are no billionaires; no one-percent. Wealth cannot be accumulated; all credits expire. Increased productivity means more for everyone, and more leisure time. Basing the pricing on energy consumed means that the environmental cost of the full lifecycle of an item can be built into the price.

I wrote once (I would include a link but I can’t find it… this blog is big!) that if you could make the cost of purchase of a widget include the cost of mitigating the environmental impact of producing, shipping, using, and disposing of it, there would be no need for any other environmental regulation. Products that pollute less will cost less.

In that same episode I pointed out that such a system was impossible to implement. The government would have to determine the environmental harm tax on every damn thing. The government would have to be swift, efficient, and not subject to second-guessing.

Technocracy solves that problem by getting rid of Democracy along with money. Instead, dispassionate, unbiased engineers would run the show. In this particular autocracy, decisions about the economy would be made by people who recognize that without money the economy is just a machine. They would make the best choices because they are smart and not swayed by greed or politics. They are engineers, dammit, immune to the frailties of humans.

Edison and his ilk were heroes back then; these were the people who should be running things!

Get your chuckles in now; things might turn scary later.

Let’s not even get into how innovation happens in this environment — presumably the engineers in charge will be able to judge every idea and allocate the appropriate resources, with the sole goal to increase worker productivity balanced against energy cost (and state security) further.

One of the core tenets of currency is fungibility. Any dollar is worth the same as any other dollar. All dollars are interchangeable, so they can just as well be numbers in a bank’s computer. The technocrat’s credits are non-fungible: they each are unique and limited in utility and duration. The techno-cretids are, quire literally, non-fungible tokens, or, as the kids say, NFT’s. Put that in your pocket for a minute.

Anyway, no money. Which makes it hard to deal with any economy that still uses money. The answer from the Technocracy proponents was (is?) simply this: don’t. Even back in the 1930’s this was already a stupid and unworkable idea, but the Technocracy proponents wanted to create an absolutely isolated nation that had all it needed, and was surrounded by physical and military walls. No trade, no tourism, no diplomacy.

This proposed nation involved the United States annexing Canada, Greenland, and Central America at least as far as the Panama Canal; preferably further.

Huh. That’s an interesting list, these days. Greenland?

Something else that is interesting: Elon Musk’s grandfather was an active proponent of this nonsense back in the day.

Perhaps it is coincidence that Orange Julius Caesar wants to annex Greenland and take back the Panama Canal. But seriously, Greenland? Perhaps the shift toward isolationism in our diplomacy is not simple stupidity, but stupidity informed by a larger, even stupider goal.

We can be damn certain that OJC loves being rich, but maybe that just means Elon hasn’t told him the whole plan yet. More likely Elon and OJC have built into their plans a way to be far more equal than everyone else in the new regime – they will preserve the billionaire class.

Maybe you’ve already thought of this, but that hypothetical council of wise, unbiased engineers that is supposed to run things? Elon has already fired them. In his drug-addled brain, our new overlord will be AI. Programmed by Elon and his bros, carefully trained to advantage Elon and his bros.

You would have to be seriously high all the time to think something like that could work, but… Elon. He’s already trying his fizzy-brained best to replace at least some of our government with generative AI. If you credit him with having enough brain to form an endgame, replacing money with NFT’s and government with an AI he controls seems like a good candidate.

Am I saying that Elon Musk is a drug-addled idiot eager to adapt the overt racism of one side of his family and the elitist ideals of both to use his wealth to compel a simpering sycophant president to create a world to his liking? Am I saying that the current President of the United States is the simpering sycophant mentioned above, and who like a starving dog will follow any plan as long as it leads to personal profit?

No. Clearly I am not saying that.

2

The War Against Universities is a War on What makes America Great

When mechanized industry began to replace agriculture, the United States adopted a policy no other country on the planet had considered: mandatory high school.

The results were profound. Industry in the United States had a pool of skilled labor that made our nation THE place to get shit done. My home nation handled this transition so spectacularly well that we became a world power. Other nations insulated the working class from access to education, and paid the economic price.

Up to now, there has been in this nation a general belief that school is good. Sure, there are the special schools accessible only to the wealthy, that don’t actually teach anything special but allow the wealthy to form their own elitist clubs and stack the Supreme Court, but in this country, and ONLY in this country, there are high-quality schools for everyone else.

Name any discipline, and eight of the top ten universities in the world will be in the United States. Seven of those will be state-sponsored universities.

Kids around the world dream of studying in an American university. It is so easy for us to take for granted that we have a sprawling complex of high-quality state schools, that when our current government moves to undermine them that it slips aside. We don’t protest because what is proposed is so absurd we must not have heard it right. Only an idiot would undermine this massive advantage.

That executive order hamstringing the NIH is about a government agency, and not about our schools, right? You know the answer. Defunding science is defunding our future.

MAGA hates education. We haven’t reached “shoot anyone with glasses” yet, and won’t for a while, but we must recognize that the current regime is actively anti-education, actively anti-knowledge, and actively anti-thought. Actively anti-American.

Education was a big part of what made America great. It is hard for people like you and me to understand why so many of our electorate now resent people who have been to school. But that resentment is real, and we have to deal with it. The obvious answer is to increase access to school for everyone. Not necessarily college, but technical or trade or just the skills to run a small business. Anyone who can’t find a job should be able to learn a new job.

School should be available to everyone in this country, without regard to age or history. Schools should be a center for meaningful research. Schools should now be exercising their voices to protest their own emasculation.

So here’s me shouting. I’m shouting for the people who don’t have skills to get a good job, who are tipping the political scales because they don’t. They are not stupid, or lazy. But they have been taught to resent the intellectuals, and therefore to shun any action they might make that might make them an intellectual in the eyes of their neighbors.

More school for everyone. More free school for everyone. Let’s remember what really made America great.

2

A Bug Report I Filed Today

Filed to: Apple Maps

Summary:
Gulf of Mexico shows as some weird “Gulf of America”

Steps To Reproduce:

  1. Open Maps
  2. Look at the Gulf of Mexico

Results:
It has a bizarre name applied by fiat by a bunch of cretins.

Regression:
No regression; the name has been the same for 400 years.

Notes:
This is an act of cowardice, and is utterly shameful.

After I submitted the bug report, I had to give a reason to be given access to follow its progress. I wrote: “I would like to see the progress of this bug, as it is the result of shameful weakness in the face of arbitrary fiat. Not even legislative fiat, just one idiot making a proclamation.”

Edit to add: here’s a really good analysis of why it is right for Apple and Google to comply with the rename, but why the way they did so is also wrong: Golfo del Gringo Loco. The article also touches on why the AP must rise to a different standard, which they have, to the peevishment of our leader-in-chuff.

3

Trump is Stupid, and Putin Loves him for it.

Like you, I am watching the destruction of our nation happen in real time. Trump could simply put stupid people in charge of our government, but he has to go one further and put stupid people uniquely antagonistic toward their mission in charge of our government.

RFK Jr is a spineless idiot whose only contribution to humanity is the death of 83 people. Actually, that’s just one campaign, it’s pretty clear he has killed many more.

And that’s only the start. We have a QAnon queen in charge of Intelligence. Even the name of the department should disqualify her! She is a puppet of Russia and if I were an intelligence asset in that country I’d be grabbing my go-bag about now. Boebert is so goddam stupid it makes my head hurt.

Oh, and hey, let’s put a sexual predator (and Trump sexual predation enabler) in charge of the department of justice! Why the fuck not? You know this guy will put the law first.

Donald Trump is a stupid man. Really fucking stupid. He honestly doesn’t understand how important his job is. Sure he knows that it makes him a really big deal, but he has no idea at all that there is responsibility that goes with that.

Meanwhile, over in Mother Russia, Vladimir Putin is laughing his ass off. Ukraine is now his. His right to poison dissidents will not be questioned. And all he had to give up were a few flattering words to a little toadstool.

1

Donald, it is not incredible.

Someone tried to shoot Donald Trump today.

“It is incredible that such an act can take place in our Country,” he wrote.

It is not incredible. He and his pals have worked very hard to make sure that assassins are well-equipped in this nation.

You made this world, buddy, and the only reason you are still here is because the shooter missed.

1

The Actual Spelling is FU

Here’s a frat house near Kansas University:

I failed, with my wee phone camera on a day where sweat was my main wardrobe accent, to capture just how much this place screams MONEY. This is the place rich assholes send their asshole kids to learn to be better assholes.

In this frat, the residents will have a chef to cook their meals, maids to clean up after them, and will learn nothing of independent life.

But we know that Harvard does not produce the best lawyers, it produces lawyers that know other Harvard lawyers. This is the system. The building you live in during your college years matters more than the education you get.

2

The Third Horseman has Arrived

I am not a Bible scholar, but like any real Bible scholar I can cherry-pick passages to comment on. Here is some version or other of the Christian Bible describing the third horseman of the Apocalypse:

“(5) And when he had opened the third seal, I heard the third beast say, Come and see. And I beheld, and lo a black horse; and he that sat on him had a pair of balances in his hand. (6) And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts say, A measure of wheat for a penny, and three measures of barley for a penny; and see thou hurt not the oil and the wine.” (Revelation 6:5-6)

Other versions replace “penny” with “a days’ labor”. In other words, this passage doesn’t say there will be no food, it says that working people won’t be able to afford it. I’ll let “the oil and the wine” speak for itself.

The third seal is some guy on a horse telling us that a time will come when there exists a calamitous situation known as “working poor”. That a day’s wages cannot feed your family. Sure you can take the passage to mean that there will be shortages that drive up prices, or you can recognize that in one of the fattest nations on Earth the children of working parents don’t get enough to eat.

That guy with the balances in his hand reminds me a lot of the people arguing against living wages. The whole thing is framed as economics. That horseman is on the board of directors at Amazon, and Uber, and almost everywhere else. The horseman is working hard to make sure that bonuses to executives aren’t reduced because they have to pay the people who make them rich enough so those people can survive.

3

Cybertruck sighting!

My first first-hand look at the new Tesla Cybertruck was all I could have hoped for. It’s as ugly as the pictures make it seem! Even more telling, it was being towed.

In my experience, 100% of cybertrucks are broken.

4

Confirmed: Waiting is the Hardest Part

I feel better now than I have in a long time. My back is bothering me less, and my shoulder is almost functional. The fact I feel better is the only tangible evidence I have that I’m gravely ill.

Monday, medical science is going to address that issue, by making me feel like shit. The plan is to drip a chemical into my bloodstream that almost kills me, to make me well. Six times (at least to start with). In the next half-year I will suffer greatly to defeat a disease I don’t feel at all.

The Official Sweetie of Muddled Ramblings and Half-Baked Ideas has been preparing. Ice packs for hands and feet; apparently during the infusions extremities can ache like hell. Calcium for bones. A bin to puke in while in bed. Preparation for whatever happens in my gut (it could go either way). I got a shirt with sleeves that open up to allow access to my veins. Beanies to cover my bald head.

Today we officially ran out of ways to prepare. We laid out the changes to my medications for the next few days in my big weekly pill organizer, and from here on, at least for a while, we will be reacting, rather then preparing. It’s all crazy and I would be so lost in all of this without The Official Sweetie by my side. In conversations with the health industry, I introduce her as my manager. This maze is bewildering and confusing, and without her I would likely spin in circles and fail.

But preparation is a big part of how Official Sweetie copes with shit and now the preparation is done. Monday big things happen, but that’s not until Monday. We are both rudderless as the river sweeps us along. We have nothing left to do but imagine the future and pass each other incredulous looks about the present and cry a lot. Tomorrow I will smog my little convertible and Try Not To think About Stuff. I think I will shave my head, because it may be years before I have a long beard again and I want to see myself with that look. I’m also curious about the scars I have up there, from past foolishness.

But tomorrow the ticking clock will be especially loud.

10

Through the Magic Donut

Thursday, after some delays I don’t fully understand, I spent an afternoon in the realm of science fiction. I was given a dose of a chemical from a heavily-shielded syringe, then put in the Radioactive Person Quiet Room for an hour, then my body was passed three times through the hole in a large, whispering machine.

The technology is amazing, and I will enjoy telling you about that. The experience of the technology is a bobsled ride down into your own head. I will tell you about that too, but it won’t be as fun.

As I describe the procedure to people, I get excited. The procedure is pretty amazing; the stuff of science fiction only two decades ago. Starting with the question “how can we detect where cancer cells are inside someone without cutting them open?” you quickly get to a place that has been a long time coming.

Medicine, you see, for the last century or so, has actually become a science. Cancer is now treated by the medical equivalent of engineers. Big Physics had its day, with massive particle accelerators and whatnot, but the priority has changed to using what Big Physics yielded to improve lives directly.

Take antimatter, for instance. Here’s the sequence of steps that led to PET scans:

  1. We need to find concentrations of cancerous cells.
  2. Cancerous cells are in overdrive, and consume lots of energy.
  3. If we can find cells consuming abnormal amounts of energy, we can find the cancer.
  4. Hungry cells demand lots of energetic molecules like glucose.
  5. Follow the money: if we can trace where the glucose is going, we can find the hungry cells. But how do we track the glucose?
  6. We can detect the source of gamma radiation very well, right through any intervening tissue. So if we had gamma-emitting glucose, we could follow it around.
  7. Hello, Fluorine-18. It is an unstable isotope, but its magic is that when it decays, it emits a positron. Antimatter! That positron won’t get far before it runs into an ordinary electron, and sure as you can say e = mc2, the m of the two particles becomes e, a gamma photon that can be detected.

After I waited for the tracer to make its way through my body, I was called into the Chamber of the Magic Donut. It is a room that is terribly ordinary — linoleum floor, fluorescent lights, standard drop ceiling — a surprisingly drab setting for the machine that filled the middle of the room. The machine itself, I didn’t stop to inspect when I got there. I had other thnings on my mind.

I thought perhaps there would be a bin where I could put my metallic belongings, but instead the Guardian gestured to a chair. “You can leave your stuff there.” I was a little bothered by the informality of it, but I put my stuff on the chair. I guess I was expecting something more planned – people will need a place to put their belongings. Or perhaps I was expecting something entirely more ceremonial.

I had been told to dress warmly, so I had worn sandals so I could put on winter socks when the time came.

“Don’t take off your shoes,” the very nice man said. He was large, and a little hunched over, and reminded me of a mythical creature tasked with guarding the sanctity of the chamber. “Your sweat is radioactive, and if you get it on the floor it could throw off the measurements.” It was not as cold in there as I had been led to believe, so I forwent the socks, and climbed up onto the Great Tongue Depressor – the platform that would pass me though the Hole of the Magic Donut.

So, loaded with 18L I lay down and allowed the Guardian of the Bridge to strap my hands to my side. I took a breath and closed my eyes.

The first two passes were quick; the first was just so the machines could measure my position. The second was a CT scan. Pf. That science fiction is old news now. Both those scans were over in a couple of minutes. Then came the PET.

It started from my thighs and worked its way up. By now many people had reminded me that it was important to hold still. So I did.

Another fun fact you might not know about me is that I have a skin condition on my face that can get itchy. It was only a matter of minutes before an itch on my face, unscratched, grew into something else. Like something was hollowing out a part of my cheek and replacing it with an ache designed purely to annoy.

But I held still, and every few minutes I would be moved a few inches. It was impossible not to think about where I was inside the donut and what the data it was gathering at that moment might mean. My pelvis, where there is certainly cancer – but has it reached bone? Then the gut, then the thorax (does my breathing make those images less reliable?) and finally the brain.

Shit. Please not the brain.

Each time the Tongue Depressor moved me within the Magic Donut, I had nothing better to do than imagine what it was seeing at that moment, and what that might mean. Imagination is a curse, sometimes.

There were at least two people in the control room; they probably shared knowing glances as the scan came to life in front of them, deciding when the image was good enough to move to the next slice.

But that was Thursday, and the weekend arrived before the radiologist could sign an assessment, so I have been waiting, less or less patiently. Tomorrow I hope I will learn the results, and see what the next phase of Science Fiction holds in store for me.

5

I Will Tell You if the Waiting is the Hardest Part when the Waiting is Over

Tomorrow I was scheduled for a true science-fiction medical procedure to find out just how bad things are inside me. As this reckoning has approached, my situation has become progressively more real to me. The outcome of the PET scan informs everything in my life going forward. I am emotionally incapable of making even the smallest of plans.

My appointment was canceled, less than 24 hours before go-time, for supply-chain reasons. Now I have to go to the back of the PET line. I’m told that the testosterone-killing therapy I’m already under will pretty much stop the threat from spreading, but it’s entirely unknown how bad shit is in there, and what I will be facing to get to the other side.

For now, I wait. The Official Sweetie of Muddled Ramblings and Half-Baked Ideas waits. This is rough on her, as well. Maybe rougher. As the Big Day got closer, my own anxiety rose with it. Now the Big Day is pushed out for weeks, and I need to reel back my emotions.

Not sure I can, though.

Thanks to all you friends who have expressed your support. It helps. I thought I wouldn’t say more about this until I knew more, but the Not Fucking Knowing is what I have now.

2

Turns out I have Cancer

Not sure where to start with this, so I’ll just start talking. A year ago I was only a few weeks of commuting away from crossing the magical ten-thousand-mile mark on my workhorse bike. Now, I am barely any closer. After a ride, I would lose two days to a seized-up back.

After one ride, as I lay in bed with the heating pad underneath me, I reached around to adjust the pad and a muscle near my shoulder blade seized up into a knot you could see through my shirt.

I could not sit, I could not stand, I could not lie down. I would seek brief comfort on my hands and knees, my face pressed into the carpet, then pace the length of the house. After a sequence like that I would check the time and see that I was ten minutes closer to my appointment with the doctor. It didn’t help that parts of my right arm were numb as well.

It remains to be seen, but that agony may have saved my life.

That afternoon, I went to the doctor. She looked me over and prescribed me a larger dose of the medicine I was already taking. To make sure my body could handle it, she ordered some blood work. That was all well and good, but “I just want to be unconscious,” I told her. She relented and gave me an injection of a stronger variant of the anti-inflammatory she had already prescribed.

It helped some, I guess, but did not deliver me from disfiguring pain. (Literally – somewhere in there x-rays were ordered for my upper chest, and the images showed my spine was being pulled significantly to the right. Thus the numbness.)

Still, “muscle spasm” was the diagnosis. It happens.

A couple of days later, I got a call from the doctor. Could I come in for more blood work? The first results were fairly alarming. Back I went.

The results of those tests were apparently even more alarming. The back-of-envelope calculation they used said my kidneys were functioning at about 10%. Were I not lucid and upbeat, emergency dialysis was a likely recommendation.

I’m pretty sure I’ve left out some steps above, and I’m absolutely certain that I have left out the help and support not only of the Official Sweetie of Muddled Ramblings and Half-Baked Ideas, but other family and friends nearby. The story doesn’t even get this far without them.

Multiple doctors followed, and after I stopped taking the pain meds, the lingering question was, “what’s with those kidneys, anyway?” Tests and specialists ensued.

I had heard enough stories about slow urine that I had thought little of it. A fairly normal old man thing. Something I would mention in my next checkup. But an enlarged prostate can put pressure on the kidneys, so that became an organ of interest.

And here is a Very Important Thing You Should Know: An enlarged prostate can be caused by exactly two things — infection or cancer. Infection can be cleared up; cancer is not so straightforward but the sooner you act the better. Men: if your pee is slow, don’t fuck around. See a doctor.

My prostate, it turns out, is chock-full of cancer. I’m not even sure why I have the fucking thing — it seems like a janky solution to a fairly simple engineering problem — but I have a prostate and it’s busy cooking up tiny little cellular death seeds to send through my body. The million-dollar question now is, where have those seeds taken root? It will be almost a month before I lie very still for a PET scan (the P is for positron – antimatter!) and then probably a few days after that to hear from a professional what the scan revealed. I would rather not wait that long.

But if you’re going to choose a cancer, prostate would be a good choice. Medicine has long focussed on Man Problems, and on top of that the prostate is an organ easily accessed by medication. I have good insurance, though to be honest I feel a little queasy about that. Everyone should have good insurance. I reserve the right to rant about that further at a later time.

By a couple of metrics, I’m pretty lucky. Lucky the cancer has been detected, lucky I have access to science-fiction-class care, lucky I can afford that care. The next month of uncertainty is going to be a grind. After that, I don’t even want to guess. Some therapy will follow that will be designed to destroy the bad cells in my body, while minimizing harm to the good cells. I have very consciously avoided reading the internet about these things. There will be plenty of time to sweat that shit later.

What seemed at first like a rough journey turned out to be the boarding platform for a train to the unknown. I’ll keep you all informed of my progress, if I feel like it.

6

The Real Mission: Impossible

There was a time, back when I was a kid, when I would get home from school in the afternoon, let myself in, set myself up with graham crackers and a tall glass of milk, settle into the bean-bag chair and watch Mission: Impossible.

From this distance I don’t remember all the circumstances that combined to create this quiet time between me and Peter Graves, but it was special. Each show ended with some bad guy walking through a door, knowing they had absolutely fucked themselves, while the MI team drove away in a nondescript van, peeling off latex masks and sharing a chuckle.

The beauty of the whole thing was that after the success of a ludicrously complex plan, that required flawless performances by a group of spies and actors with varied skills, Mr. Phelps and his team would vanish. Even then, the bad guy couldn’t be sure they ever existed.

The episodes didn’t end with shooting, or even confessions. They ended with moments. That’s how you write a story.

Many years after that, yet many years ago, when I heard they were making a Mission: Impossible movie, I was very excited. This was gong to be MY kind of thriller. Plenty of action and even more intrigue, when half a dozen people work in perfect harmony to achieve psychological dominance and destroy an asshole with minimum outward fuss. Winning a quiet war.

Nope. Just another superhero movie. No ensemble. No mental game. As antithetical to the source material as I, Robot was (well, almost — I, Robot was filmed on opposites day). But there’s money in the franchise; they keep making more. Tonight I saw a promotion for another Mission: Impossible superhero flick, this one shamelessly bearing “part one” in the title.

Honestly, I don’t begrudge them the franchise. They are making movies people who are not me will pay to watch. What angers me is that they burned the name, without paying it any respect. Now it will not be possible to make a Mission: Impossible movie true to the source and use the name to sell it.

4

I Went Back to East Hagbourne, and the City was Gone

Today I was reading an article that linked to a real estate listing in England. It includes a video. (DANGER! Ear worm!)

That was fun and cute and all, but it reminded me of a time I lived in a cottage some distance from London. I decided to pay a visit. I fired up Ye Olde Mappe Appe, zeroed in on East Hagbourne, and scanned up Blewbury Road looking for the pub near the brook.

No pub. That side of the road is now occupied by large, modern homes. The solar panels on the rooftops don’t fool me, these are English McMansions.

It makes sense. Nearby Didcot hosts the last super-high-speed train stop before London (at least it did in 1980). If I worked in London, East Hagbourne would be an ideal place to live, although only one of the three pubs I knew still stands. The Fleur de Lis was always the choice of the gentlemanly class in town, and now apparently that’s the only class remaining.

With all this change, I was not certain right away that the place I had called home for a little while still existed. I typed the address into Apple Maps, and was relieved to see it was still there, and a little bit delighted that the pin showed not only the address, but the home’s colloquial name. The cottage still stands.

Beyond the large new homes that line Blewbury Road, the fields remain. The land here is fertile, the rain reliable, and agriculture…

Holy shit Didcot has grown so much, usurping farmland to the point it has almost swallowed East Hagbourne. East Hagbourne also has doubled in size or more; entire neighborhoods of homes that look identical from space.

Compared to Orange County, the growth of Didcot is negligible. Just a little dot among the fields. But we have seen this show often enough to know how it ends. And if I worked in London, I would likely contribute to the destruction.

5

When Coding, Always use Descriptive Function Names

This evening I’ve been coding up something on a tight deadline. A few minutes ago I wrote a function named:

handlePluralTypeNameBecauseRESTWasInventedByIdiots()

REST is an acronym for… you can look it up if you care. It’s a way for code running in your browser to communicate with services off somewhere else. Some guy got his Phd making this nonsense up, and it has now become an industry standard. That guy is very lucky I was not one of the ones to review his dissertation, and the rest of the world is very unlucky that I wasn’t.

Like with HTML before it, someone came up with a half-assed solution to a real problem, and before the smart people in the room could say, “hey, that has some pretty serious flaws, but with only a little more effort we could fix most of them” the whole world went romping off with the flawed solution. And here we are.

Not only does REST violate previously-existing standards, it does so for no technical advantage. Servers and programming languages had to be updated to accommodate those violations. Maybe that should have been a red flag.

It would be SO DAMN EASY to fix most of the problems with REST. Use your head(ers)!

But here we are sweating over REST. And here’s a fun thing: for no technical advantage people who use this standard-violating standard have to understand the rules of pluralization in American English. At least in any implementation of REST I’ve had the pleasure of working with. Not only is that fucking annoying, it’s exclusionary. Sorry, kid in Senegal, we’re making a standard that disadvantages you.

Sure, you can get a code library to do plurals for you, and with any luck the rules in the browser code will match the rules on the server. Up until now, I’ve chosen the approach, “always name your data types in a way that just adds ‘s’ for the plural.” Tonight that wasn’t an option, so I a made a way for specific REST servers to keep only the rules relevant to them. More efficient and more reliable than someone else’s library.

And as I’ve often said, your code should express what it does without resorting to comments.

5