Shows what they know…

I’m not sure how I found this quiz – someone else must have posted a link to it somewhere. I put the results here because they are so laughably wrong. I was going to rate them by degree of wrongness, but I’ll leave that as an exercise for the reader.

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don’t judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren’t necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people’s eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You’re a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you’ll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don’t succeed. Don’t give up when you haven’t yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don’t ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

If you look at the questions in the quiz, it’s easy to see why the results are bullshit. I imagine that all the results are couched in flattering terms, so people will want to match the result, even if they don’t. Secure job. Heh. Sensible tactics with the opposite sex? Dates? Riiiiiight.

32 thoughts on “Shows what they know…

  1. HA HA HA! I took the quiz. Apparently I am ready to settle down and find a life partner??? That is the funniest thing I have heard in days! Although I don’t have trouble racking in the dates I dont think it is because of my “sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex” in fact it is quite the reverse that brings the admirers…And I am Humble.

  2. Some years back, a college professor decided to do an experiment on his students, to see how readily they accepted such things as horoscopes. He collected detailed information about the exact date, time, and place of birth of each student, and then told them he would take that data to a highly regarded astrologer to get a detailed reading of each student’s personality.

    The next week, he handed each student a sealed envelope containing that student’s custom horoscope. As the students opened their envelopes, every one of them was pleased. They were stunned and surprised at the accuracy of the readings, and had many comments such as, “This guy really does know what I’m like; it’s amazing.”

    Then the professor had the students swap horoscopes, and it soon became clear that every single one of them was identical. The horoscope managed to sound specific when it wasn’t really, and it contained enough ambiguity that each reader could interpret it to be a deatiled snapshot of that reader’s personality.

    I haven’t taken the quiz yet, but based on your and lew’s comments, it looks like the producers of this quiz didn’t reach the skill level of that horoscope.

  3. Really weird — yes, the questions are pretty darn lame. But the quiz did at least get some things right. Three different times, it told me that I am respected by my friends because I give them good advice. That was confirmed for me big-time today, when my boss had a publishing company rep express-ship an examination copy of a textbook to me so I could make a preliminary recommendation in time for tomorrow’s textbook-selecton committee meeting.

    Still, there was a whole lot of stuff that was off-base.

  4. lew – gravatism is discussed here.

    A more amusing quiz can be found at Which Historical Lunatic Are You?

    Thanks to Brian for bringing that to my attention. I’ve done it twice, intentionally changing my answers, and both times I’ve gotten well-written biographies of historical lunatics. The second of these was Norton I, Emporer of the United States. He was a nut, but my kind of nut.

    Highlights include:

    He disbanded Congress and declared the major parties illegal.

    In one census, his occupation is listed as “Emperor”

    He patrolled the streets of San Francisco in a full dress uniform, inspecting the sidewalks and the police, who were ordered by the Chief of Police to salute him.

    He imposed a $25 fine on anyone who referred to his beloved home town as “Frisco”.

    Theaters would reserve seats for him and his two dogs.

    When congress ignored his disbanding of them, he called on the army to throw them out. Ever the pragmatist, when that didn’t work out he allowed congress to stay around temporarliy.

    When his uniform began to look ratty, the city bought him a new one. His death was the headline in the paper. 30,000 people attended the penniless man’s funeral.

    It struck me that my favorite neighborhoods in San Diego still have people like this, but somehow Norton I raised the whole thing to a noble calling.

  5. This just in! Renee Zellweger and Kenney Chesney have split. She’d be perrrrrfect for our man. I’m dialing her publicist now….

    /note to selves: clean out Jer’s Chesney collection.
    /Renee is smokin. We wonder how she likes her eggs?
    /come on publicist, PICK UP…what time is it in new york…..

  6. Emperor Norton I also coined his own money and propritors of stores in SF would honor it.

    /I am Ludwig II, the Swan Prince of Bavaria!

  7. Since the quiz only had 9 questions, it had to be a pretty general thing and had that fortune-cookieish ring to it. Presumably someone who picks up the mirror is a narcissist, someone who doesn’t touch an object or go inside a building is afraid of commitment, someone who sees and picks up a ring is huntin’ for a pardner, etc.

  8. Pat, you are right, reverse engineering that quiz id pretty transparent. In the lunatic quiz, there are questions like “Feelin’ Papal?” that one might come to consider determinative.

    If there was reincarnation, Brian would be Norton I, if he could stomach wearing a uniform.

  9. You know, the problem with dating someone like Renee is that I would always wonder, somewhere in the back of my mind, whether she was dating me for me, or just to further her career.

  10. Maybe she sees the incredible fortune accessible by JBSW (Jer’s Boffo Screenplay Writer).

    /Boffo, boffo, boffo
    //That’s “industry” speak
    ///All the “Hollywoodese” that I know
    ////That and “Let’s do lines er, a, lunch. Yeah, that’s it, lunch.”

  11. Wow. I’m Charles VI of France, also known as Charles the Mad and Charles the Beloved.

    Barbara Tuchman devotes a goodly chunk of text to him in her history of the Fourteenth Century, A Distant Mirror. He seems to have been rather a happy lunatic.

  12. In the lunatic quiz I am Caligula. Um… not sure how to feel about that one.

    About this whole Renee buisnes; I have already staked my claim as Jerry’s future long distance wife. If, however, Renee is insists in trying to overthrow me, I will consent to a wrestling match in a pudding-filled kiddie pool of the flavor of her choice.

    Bring it on.

  13. pfffft who wants that lite american pisswater Renee, when you can have the full-bodied dark amber brew of lew?

    mmmm, pudding wrestling, mmmmm

    I’m gonna go bark at the moon now.

  14. Now that I have bootlegged someones internet connection I can catch up. And just in time it seems. I have a Kiddie pool and a camera, Jer has the pudding, just get a hold of the publicist and we are good to go. So lew, start working on your moves

  15. How could I forget? You are the only one I would wrestle in pudding for. If I were wrestling for Andrew it would have to be an entirely different food substance.

  16. Beer and trucks is slowly coming out of hibernation. So by the end of the weekend it should be more entertaining.

    What food substance?

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