Perhaps the Perfect Date Movie

Sitting here watching sports on television, I was treated to the preview of an upcoming movie. It’s a star vehicle for Kevin James; he plays a music teacher who, desperate to fund his school’s music program (American schools exist now with no music program! Really!), takes up ultimate fighting or something like that. Twenty years ago he was a solid wrestler. Now… not so much.

So, with only a few feet of carefully-selected cuts to choose from, I’m thinking this is an excellent date movie. It’s the perfect Kevin James script. A regular guy in way over his head for reasons we can all appreciate and maybe even cheer for. He’s just doing his best. I’ve seen only one 30-second preview, but our main guy takes a beating. This is what will make this a great date movie. There won’t be too much blood, so the distaff element will say, “he took a pounding for a cause”, while the Y-bearers will say, “he took a POUNDING for a cause, and WON!” Because, come on. He’ll win. Maybe not the big fight, but he’ll save the music, and he’ll get the girl.

Good chance for a cameo by maybe Phil Collins or, better, Mike Ness at the end comforting the bleeding and beaten music teacher and saying, “I got your back.” He loses the fight but wins the larger battle.

Kevin James probably isn’t on a lot of women’s short lists, [I’ve written this part several times now, and not nailed it. Let’s just say that I’m a guy and I don’t find Kevin James to be a hypothetical competitor for my hypothetical reproductive effectiveness when civilization falls] so guys can appreciate an earnest guy winning in the end.

So, based on thirty seconds of exposure I’ve built the movie, perhaps optimistically, into a great date flick. It’s formula, but there’s a reason the formula exists. Done well, it provides a chance to cuddle happily with one’s sweetie and root for the guy to win his love. That’s not a small thing.

3 thoughts on “Perhaps the Perfect Date Movie

  1. I have learned, through casual query among the XX crowd, that Mr. James might pose a greater threat to my post-apolyptic breeding potential than I previously assumed. But he still comes off as a Really Good Guy, and if the female of the species appreciates that, I can deal with it.

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