Hotel on the Moon

Let’s start by thinking about the reasons anyone would want to visit the moon:

1) It’s the moon!
2) Low-gravity sex – and, uh, other activities

Number 1 means that when someone looks out the window, they expect to see pristine lunar landscape, not the tracks left behind by the construction equipment. Brian’s offer to head up the lunarscaping crew notwithstanding, any marring of the terrain (lunain?) will be permanent.

So how does one create a structure without touching the surrounding land? My thought is to learn from the mushroom – pop up from underground overnight.

Man, I wish I had a napkin scanner now.

Anyway, the idea is to start by going underground. For health and safety you want most of the complex beneath a layer of rock anyway. Way deep you bury your reactor; it’s going to take a lot of energy to build the place. Then above that you put the living areas.

Here’s where it gets good. From a shaft in the ground you extend a giant umbrella, open it. Its reach extends far past all the destruction caused while digging the shaft. Set it down gently. Beyond that plastic bubble the moon is untouched, looking exactly the way it did when dudes were spitting painting onto cave walls. Good viewing!

The actual umbrella will probably have more than one layer, and some sort of optically-neutral gel between the layers to plug micrometeor hits well enough until a better patch can be applied. But I’ll leave those details to the engineers.

There would, of course, be a location where guests arrive and depart; that will likely not be as pretty. It would be out of sight of the main city, connected by tunnel or – Ooo! – by a graceful elevated rail to give spectacular views as guests arrive. Building that without ruining the surrounding countryside would be tricky, but probably worth it. In the low gravity you could build something that really defied imagination, something that our common sense would say must fall down. Definitely worth the effort.

As far as point 2 above, Brian V. already has dibs on the astro-jump concession.

13 thoughts on “Hotel on the Moon

  1. One of the best features of the hotel on the moon is sure to be the accompanying restaurant. Stunning views of the lunar landscape, Earthset, and scintilating entertainment (I’d be happy to tell my joke about “good food, but no atmosphere”) are sure to provide lasting memories for the guests.

  2. Alas, there will be no earthset. The Earth will be pinned stationary in the sky, as the rest of the universe moves around it. The famous earthrise pictures were taken from the orbiter.

    Still, the Earth being stationary makes it possible to set up the windows in the restaurant just right…

  3. There was a gentleman who found a way to claim much of the surface of the moon in some legal international loophole, and he proceeded to sell moon parcels at quite a bargain, mostly to Germans. (The article was on Yahoo, could still be there.) These germans have now started a letter writing campaign to Shrub Jr. telling him he better not track up their land with his moon base thingy. You should contact this guy-he might be interested. Plus, that was Dad’s joke, no?

  4. This morning’s paper (3-39-04) had a similar article. The guy is in Nevada and apparently has been licensed by NV to have avalid business.

  5. There is more than one company selling land on the moon, but all their legal claims are about as valid as that guy who keeps telling ma about all the millions he has in Nigeria. There is something of a movement to make the moon international the same way that Antarctica (sort of) is.

    If Joe Six-Pack or Jergen Liter-of-Pilsner doesn’t like it, he can come kick my ass off the rock.

  6. Lee,

    That was my joke originally. Your dad liked it so much he told it to many people including (ironically) me. Of course, if you (and the discerning lunar guests) prefer his delivery, I would understand. It wouldn’t stop me from filing the first nepotism based employment discrimination lawsuit on the moon, but I would understand.

  7. A Low Gravity Polka Pit (LGPP) would probably mean fewer injuries.

    Bob, hope I’m not called to testify in that one, unless, of course, it pays my way to the moon.

  8. I am currently selling options on the AstroJump to finance my latest effort to promote Martian MuddBoggin’.

    Oh and I am no longer planning the shootin range on the moon as the mortality rate on visitors is deemed “excessive” by the hotel owner Jerry.

  9. Now, now, now, don’t go putting words into my mouth.

    It’s all about choosing the right targets, and that’s where cloning comes in.

  10. Also, I think you should put me on the board of RedMud Martian MuddBoggin’ Inc. My Moon experience will give you more cred on Wall Street.

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