A Station Wagon by Any Other Name

Remember the station wagon? For a long time it was the perfect familymobile, with room for the kids and space in back for the new barbecue. It was the perfect icon of the American suburbs, but served faithfully on Route 66. The station wagon was America.

Over the years things changed, technology advanced, and the minivan rose to replace the station wagon. That made sense; the minivan performed the same functions and did a better job doing it. But America was getting richer and people wanted sport as well as utility. The auto manufacturers were happy to supply the illusion of sport to the power-hungry yuppies. Take a minivan, add larger tires and an engine that produces more power than you will ever need, and you have an SUV. (At the time, SUV meant ‘minivan with bad mileage’.) In fact, more power was not a requirement. All that was necessary was larger, more expensive and less efficient tires. Suddenly, you’re cool.

Let me deflect some folks by pointing out that some SUV’s aren’t macho minivans but rather relabled trucks. Why? They are trucks and they do a truck’s job. All utility.

Gradually, the SUV market has gone two directions. One we will call the Hummer Vector. Vehicles so impractical that people buy them just to prove that they are too damn wealthy to be encumbered by issues like precticality. The other direction I will dub the Station Wagon Vector. It’s been going on a long time, and apparently now the vehicles on this path have ditched the stigma of being SUV’s in favor of being ‘crossovers’.

We will ignore that Sport/Utility was itself a crossover…

No we won’t. Crossover from what? And to what? Utility/Sport-Utility? What is being crossed over?

Here’s my challenge to the marketing boys in the auto companies. Embrace the station wagon. Those guys buying cars, they’ve forgotten how much they hated sharing the back seat with thier sisters, and the road has regained a romantic aura. Those great road trips of their childhoods were in station wagons. The car that tamed the west.

I personally guarantee that if Ford or Chevy came out with a really good station wagon, with somewhat retro styling and the same name they used in the sixties, it would sell like hotcakes. Call it a station wagon, and use the power of nostalgia to sell it. Before too long, people will realize that the car makes sense on its own terms, and our dalliance with silly cars not well-suited for any practical use will come to an end.

Then in a few years you can reestablish the minivan as all retro and cool.

An Unplanned Morning Walk

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed. The sky was brightening outside, and no clouds were visible through the window cut into the sloping ceiling directly over my head. I got up, woke up my computer, and went to fix tea. The electric kettle quickly heated the water for my first (but certainly not last) cup, and once it was fixed I returned to my desk.

My computer was turned off. Not just sleeping, but completely turned off. Curious.

It wouldn’t start again, either. I tried a light switch, then a different light on a different circuit. Nothing. My apartment was without electricity. Consulting my phone I saw it was 8 am when the electricity had stopped, and out on the street the crews were hard at work rewiring the neighborhood. This was probably a planned outage and I hadn’t got the memo. (On previous occasions I had.)

Well, then, no electricity. No computers. Normally I’d be ok with this. I’d probably just go back to bed. But That Girl had specifically mentioned that she was going to try to stay up until I woke up, so that we could chat. I’d hate to let That Girl down. Obviously, then, if the Internet wasn’t going to come to Jerry, then Jerry could go to the Internet. After all, there is a friendly little café nearby that has WiFi. There aren’t many of them out in this neighborhood of Prague, so I feel fortunate to have one so close. Plus, they often have good tea there.

I was about halfway there when it occurred to me that today was Sunday. If the café bothers to open at all today it will be this afternoon. As I walked (trying not to interfere with the construction crews who were, in open violation of the ethical standards of state-employed construction workers the world over, hard at work), I tried to come up with a Plan B. There was none that didn’t involve public transportation and overpriced access. I stopped outside Little Café Near Home and used my phone to see if their wireless was up. At least I could email That Girl to tell her what was happening. There was the network! Hooray!

I have complained about my phone, but it is perfect for things like this. I laboriously typed out a message, then hit send. “Use cafemania wireless network?” the phone asked me. “Yes,” I answered. “Enter password,” my phone said. I typed the password, working around my phone’s bloody-minded insistence that the first letter be capitalized. Password entered, I hit “send.”

“There’s no network here named cafemania,” my phone told me.

Where did the network go? There was no one inside to turn it off. Maybe LCNH’s power was cut off just then. I laughed, shook my head, scanned for neighboring networks that were unprotected, found none, and decided to go home. I took a slightly different route home, around the worst of the construction, and met a dog who used to be a regular at Little Café Near Home, but hasn’t been coming in lately. The sun was shining, the birds were singing (probably saying “see you next spring”), and the air was chill and crisp. Bracing, even.

I got home, put some water on the gas stove, then with a click and a pop the electricity came back on, and here I am telling you about my morning.

MySpace Heroes

I’ve been spending too much of my life over at MySpace recently. I signed up a few months ago so I could send a message to Zombina and the Skeletones, but that was all I did. Recently I was hanging with That Girl and her sister, and TGS paused to check how things were going in an online game called Heroes. It turns out that an important part of the game is getting other folks to join your bunch, so a few days later I joined in — just to help her out, of course.

I spent too much of my life getting to know the game, then another too much of my life playing the game. It also turns out that there are several other games on MySpace — or should I say several iterations of the game with different graphics. Mobsters seems to be the most popular, but there are also space, pirate, and vampire iterations with only minor differences. In all of the games it is beneficial to build up a whole boatload of friends (up to 500). Somewhere word got out that I would accept invitations to be anybody’s buddy in any game. I am a game friend slut, and now I appear to be very popular on MySpace. I have started down the slippery slope from slut to whore; I have now posted my name in a couple of places where people go to find friends for these games. [Since I wrote that a couple of days ago, my transition is complete. I now actively approach people who say they are interested.]

So what are these games that are eating my brain? In truth, they’re really not that great. Activities fall into three categories: invest in real estate to build wealth, gather members in your group, and buy stuff so your guys can beat up other guys and take some of their money.

There’s really no goal to the games, except get more money to buy more stuff to get more power so you can beat up more people. (Even the beating up happens off-camera.) Why am I still playing? I don’t know. But when I wake up in the morning the first thing I do is check to see if anyone else attacked me while I slept and stole some of my money. I calculate how long it will take at my current income level to be able to afford a particular piece of property. I have, as mentioned above, gradually become more active in adding other people into my bunch. Once they are added they are little more than a number – no further interaction is required (although some players do try to build a group cohesion).

Once things are under control in Heroes, I make the rounds of all the other clones, making sure I keep my promises to join other people’s bunches. I don’t actually do anything in those other games except occasionally reinvest real estate income.

So far that’s not a big slice out of my life, but then, then I have to check back periodically to see how things are going. Every time I review my real estate investments and strategy going forward, even though that strategy only hits important events every couple of days (and I have calculated when that time will be). Every time I go over all the gear I have for my bunch to use in battle, even though my needs in that area don’t change very often either. Every time I wind up poking around for someone to attack who might cough up a lot of money, then I decide not to bother. Every time I check for messages to see if someone in my group is asking for help kicking someone’s butt for whatever reason.

None of that takes a lot of time, and in fact my total time on the game is probably not that bad. The problem is that I do it often, and any momentum I might have had on other tasks is irretrievably lost, so I can play what amounts to an accounting game. I’ve got to get this game out of my head.

On a related note I plan to put a strategy guide to the various games up on my MySpace page, once I run some spreadsheet simulations of different stgrategies. And of course if you want to join my bunch, guild, mob, crew, family, or band (depending on the game) you are welcome to add me as a friend – http://myspace.com/?writerjer – and invite me in. I’ll join anything.

Edited to add: I now have an investment spreadsheet that people can download at Jer’s Software Hut, designed to answer the qustion whether it’s better to by one of a property or a batch of ten, depending on your circumstances.

I’m Just Waiting for the Phone

Intrinsic in daily life here is the mobile phone. You’re just not going to get very far without one. I arrived on this continent cheery and bright-eyed, and soon I began shopping for my own gateway to the social world. I bought a chip at one store, a phone at another and (after a brief “whoops we forgot to unlock your phone!” moment I was on my way. It was a Sony phone, and, well, it had problems.

The software for the phone wasn’t great, leading to me missing a lot of messages, but the hardware was worse. Sorry, Sony, that’s three strikes. I’ll never buy another of your products again. Tired of my complaining, my brother ceded me his old phone when he upgraded. Now I own a Nokia N-80 (I think). Holy crap is this thing fancy! It has features and capabilities that I am only beginning to discover. It’s a really nice piece of portable computing power. The problem: it’s suicidal.

The phone has a face plate that slides up and down, which is a pretty good way to hide unnecessary controls until you need them. Unfortunately, the sliding action also unlocks the keypad, and it doesn’t have to slide very far. I would say that when I pull the phone out of my pocket the keys have been unlocked more than half the time. That would be bad enough but when unlocked the phone often goes into a coma which requires rebooting. And today, when I needed to send a message, any attempt to access the messaging features were unresponsive. The software on this phone is simply not stable enough.

Someday there will be a phone, so robust, so straightforward, that I will be able to use it happily. The buttons will work properly. The software will be there when I need it. When I pull it out of my pocket it will be sleeping happily and the battery will still have life. When I throw it in my pocket I won’t worry about my keys scratching it up. This will be the God Among Phones. When this phone walks down the street in phone-ville, all the fancy-ass phones will step out of its way in awe. “What’s that, mommy?” a timid child-phone will ask, only to be shushed by its fearful guardian. “That’s the phone that actually works” mother-phone will reply. The little child-phone’s eyes will grow round. “Ooooohhh…” it will say. “I want to be like that when I grow up.”

I promise you, little phone, that no one wants that more than I.

Anyone Have advice on blogging software?

So here I am blogging on my new laptop, which is also my oldest laptop. I picked it up cheap from a buddy of mine, complete with its tiny hard drive, slow processor, and long, long battery life. This will become my day-to-day writing laptop, so it will also be the platform on which I do the majority of my blogging. Now, I haven’t actually tried my blog software on this thing yet, but it is really, really slow on my other laptop, which is about three times faster and has a lot more hard drive space, so I’m not optimistic that I’ll be able to tolerate its performace here. Plus, I need a blog that better supports having multiple machines. It’s time to accept that iBlog is likely a dead end, and find an alternative. Maybe some of you can make recommendations.

Her are the requirements:

1) Able to composse offline and update later (absolutely not negotiable).

2) Can embed fancy html in the episodes, or can create custom episode templates easily (in minutes).

3) Can update from any computer (or phone).

4) Search-engine friendly URLs

5) Custom CSS for episodes based on category

6) category pages can have different display rules (some categoried display oldest to newest while others are newest to oldest, for instance).

7) Some way to automate transferring a very large blog, complete with internal links and lots of custom HTML in various episodes (intern?).

Dr. Pants recommended WordPress, which has a lot of people tweaking it alll the time, so that’s my front-runnner right now. I’m certain I could do all the above (except off-line composing, perhaps) using a fancy content management system like Drupal, which I know in an offhand way. It’s pretty darn powerful and pretty darn versatile, but to turn that into a working blog the way I like it might be a lot of work. I’ve used blogger a bit, but it seems quite limited for what I want, at least on the surface. The other online blog services seem to be similarly inflexible.

What offline editors are out there I could use? Are they going to be too limited, since they are made to be universal? How would they handle embedded images and custom markup?

So, I’m wondering if anyone out there has any suggestions.

Family!

So the big ol’ Seeger family reunion has wrapped up; it was good to see old friends and hang out with that bunch. Now some of That Girl’s family is in town, and we have been spending the evenings at her folks’ place. There are some interesting stories among them, and since I’m a newcomer I am also represent the perfect opportunity to drag out old stories that everyone else has heard a few times. It’s a fun group; tonight is the designated Drinkin’ and Playin’ Poker night. That should be interesting…

A Late Easter Celebration

Were you to see That Girl and me crouching in front of the microwave, laughing like idiots while watching Peeps expand into large marshmallow spheres, you might at first be inclined to blame the second bottle of wine. However, last Easter That Girl had stocked up on Peeps just so we could nuke them. She wanted me to see the glory that is a Peep in a microwave. Glorious it is, my friends.

The yellow granulated sugar and graham cracker crumbs all over the floor the next morning, those you can blame on the wine.

Thoughts while Sitting at My Desk

I am sitting in our office right now — I am at my desk and That Girl is behind me, working on a project of her own. This is a very satisfying way to be, for a wide variety of reasons.

First, of course, is the very presence here of a place called ‘my desk’, to be found in ‘our office’ in a home that also contains That Girl. The second satisfying thing is the presence of That Girl’s desk in the same office. Third, there is the fact that we are both able to be productive in this arrangement. (Your definition of ‘productive’ might not match mine — for instance I consider writing this blog to be productive.) So that’s all good.

It’s critical that we can get things done in this arrangement, as That Girl was laid off while I was out stomping around in Kansas. If you don’t count the whole “no money, no security” part of the equation, it’s working out pretty well. That Girl has been ramping up her online poetical presence, working to market herself and maybe even get to where she can support herself doing what she loves most.

I’m hoping to get to that place as well, of course. I’ve been spending the last week working on Jer’s Novel Writer. A recent operating system update made a few pieces work oddly. (Yes, that is a euphemism for ‘wrong’.) While I had the hood up I wanted to fix a couple of other issues. The software is nearly ready for release, better than ever, but that hasn’t left a lot of space in my brain for using the software for its intended purpose, which happens also to be my intended purpose.

Once I get this release out, I will be turning back to my writing (and, ideally, blogging). I have a whole bunch of things to work on. At the start of the week I thought, “I’ll get that bug fixed and then get one thing ready for submission per day for the rest of the week. Here it is Friday and there’s not much rest of the week left.

If I sigh really heavily, sometimes That Girl rolls across the office and gives me a hug.

A Note About Comments

Holey moley doing two writing workshops at the same time can be tiring! Please bear with me during this time; I’ll get back to my ramblin’ ways soon. I hope.

Meanwhile, I just got notification that HaloScan, the company that provides the commenting service on this page, has been acquired. The notification was filled with Great Happy News (like features I don’t want automatically included), but did not mention any action required on my part to keep things going. At this writing, however, the comments system is not responding. Let’s all hope that the new company is using the wee small hours to move data to the new servers, and that things will be back to normal soon.

In the meantime, think of all the comments you would like to make, and save them up for the morning.

Back?

Hey, remember me? I used to post my random thoughts and useless musings here. Things were pretty hectic there for a while, what with travel and malfunctioning computers and big projects and whatnot, and something (actually a few somethings) had to give. While things aren’t back to normal yet, at least the gods of technology are smiling and with any luck I’ll be back to regular posts soon. I’ve got a lot to write about and I miss doing it. Probably by the time you work your way down to this episode it will be moot, buried under other posts, but that’s the way things go.

Chocolate Blob

That Girl likes to cook, and even more than she likes to cook she likes to bake (as I type this she is making banana bread). So last night after our evening feast (no exaggeration) as we were pondering what to do with the evening while my stomach handled the Big Slab O’ Meat, veggies, potatoes, and buttered garlic shrimp (I must point out that this meal was perfectly typical — I think That Girl’s plan is to fatten me up so I don’t fit through her door), she said, “You know, I have an urge to make something sweet.”

She gets these impulses from time to time, the need to express herself through food that has never been invented before. It seems to me that this is more than just a general idea that “this would be fun,” it is an actual need, much like I sometimes feel a deep need to write. Trust me, I have no intention of discouraging her culinary compulsions. “What are you going to make?” I asked. “I don’t know,” she replied, “but it will have chocolate dripped on top.” That was all I really needed to know.

Chocolate blobChocolate Blob, the next day. Refrigeration has stolen some of its glistening gooey luster, but it’s still mighty tasty!

A while later I was sitting at the kitchen table, reading, while That Girl bustled about the kitchen with confidence, mixing ingredients and soon after popping the results into the oven. Even at this point, she still wasn’t sure how the thing was going to come out; she had just whipped something up with chocolate and orange. While it baked she prepared the chocolate goo to spread on top.

As it baked we watched the cake-like product rise, and That Girl dubbed it “Chocolate Blob”. Soon it was ready. We sat down on the living room floor to watch cartoons and eat blob.

My conclusion: YUM! Praise blob! Blob is good!

That Girl’s appraisal: Not bad, but it will be better next time.

I look forward to helping with the research.

Laptop Tanking

I am typing right now on a very dim screen, and for the moment the noise has gone away and the extreme power drain has abated. I’m not fooling myself into thinking the problem is solved, though. It’s only a matter of time before the video inverter goes kaput entirely. That is inconvenient, especially since on this machine, apparently, the video inverter is integrated with the main logic board. Repair will be expensive.

I must say I miss my old, much slower Powerbook that served me so faithfully for so many years (until I dripped it – things went downhill from there). I find myself idly considering picking up one of those old workhorses, which (before RAM and hard drive upgrades) would cost about the same as repairing this computer.

Then there’s the sexy new MacBook Air, which will likely be my next purchase, once the hard-drive-free version drops a bit further in price. Lightweight and plenty fast enough for me, if the battery life is close to what is claimed, then that looks like the ultimate road machine for a wandering writer (except for the price).

The time required to get everything going on a new system, however, is time better spent preparing for the writing workshop and getting a release of Jer’s Novel Writer out. Repair makes more sense. Still, if anyone has an old mac laptop they’d care to donate…

The Science of Banana Numeration

Yesterday, as I was regarding a bunch of bananas in the kitchen, I mentally dashed off this code snippet:

#typedef enum {

Banana_Green = 0,

Banana_Yellow,

Banana_Spotted,

Banana_Brown

} BananaRipeness;

#typedef enum {

Take_Banana = 0,

Hold_Out_For_Banana_Bread

} BananaAction;

– (BananaAction) takeBanana:(BananaBunch *)bunch

{

if ( (0 == [bunch count]%3) && [bunch ripeness] > Banana_Yellow ) {

return Hold_Out_For_Banana_Bread;

}

else {

return Take_Banana;

}

}

People who live in houses where banana bread is made will, of course, understand at a glance that when the bananas are getting on in ripeness and there is a multiple of three bananas remaining, one does not take a banana, but rather one holds out for banana bread, lest they face the ire of their fellow residents. Some debate is possible whether the ripeness threshold should be past yellow, as in my code here, or whether one should start holding out earlier, even though the bananas still have a few days left.

It is very good to be in a house where banana count is important.

Code notes: this is written in (more or less) Objective-C, and assumes there is already defined a collection called BananaBunch. I generally avoid multiple exit points in a function, but this one is simple enough that I decided it was OK. I haven’t bothered checking the code for errors, it’s just not that sort of exercise.

Blogger’s Dilemma

Back there a couple of episodes, I thought I hit a classic old-school muddled ramble. The vibe of a traveler, an observer, a humble host for your vicarious adventures. Almost immediately I came up with two more minor episodes that, while they do manage to summarize the human condition in a few magical words and therefore just might change someone’s life, are not as fun as the bit about my voyage from Prague to London.

But could I hold those episodes back, to keep the (relatively) good one at the top for a bit? No. The media empire is impatient that way.

It feels good, though, being on the road, seeing things faster than I can record them, a sense of newness and discovery permeating everything. London! Dang! Language aside, this place is more foreign to me than Prague.

My Curse, Apparently, is Broken

For several years the performance of San Diego sports teams was almost frighteningly linked to my proximity to the club. Just watching the game, even remotely, has been well-documented on these pages to be a kiss of death. (In the interest of science, I have on some occasions in advance correctly announced that I was jinxing a game.) There was a period with the Chargers when it was just downright ridiculous.

This year, I have paid almost no attention whatsoever to baseball. I knew that pundits were predicting good things for my team this year, but things have been hectic, you know? Finally I had a bit of time and I thought I’d go see how my boys were doing. There is weekly column at espn.com called the power rankings, and I started scanning the list for my team. I scanned down… and down… and down…

By just about any measure (most notably the ability to win games), the Padres are the worst team in the league, with no help from me whatsoever. If the blessing of my absence is ended, so too must be the curse of my presence. I declare the curse ended.