Bud Light is Horrible

I got some decent work done tonight, hanging at my new Ocean Beach headquarters, getting my baseball fix. I moved one short story to the next level, thanks in large part to Jojo’s criticism. (There is nothing more valuable to a writer than a good critic. I am blessed with several. Friends who back you no matter what are one thing, friends who tell you when you’re full of it are another, and are infinitely better friends.) It was not a word count day at all, I was weighing each word carefully, climbing inside its implications, weighing the symbolism, and generally having a good ol’ time.

Amy called. “I left the door open for you,” she said.

“So, then, you’re going out tonight.” She is still trying to make things work with her ex. Last night it was “Screw him! I don’t need that shit!” Things have changed in the last 24, it seems.

“Uh, yeah. But help yourself to anything in the fridge.”

I am home now. The beer in the fridge is not beer. It’s Bud Light. I popped a bottle open, thinking to myself, “I’ve had worse,” but swallowing was difficult, and I can think of no reason to put more of that into my mouth. It is bad. Really, really bad. It redefines awful. In the short term, it is worse than getting your teeth knocked out by an angry Russian hockey player who hasn’t bathed since 1984. Long term, it’s a tossup. [Exercising the journalistic restraint for which I am justifiably well-renowned, I have deleted the reference to the vomit of a rabid pit bull who ate a skunk road kill that had been baking under the Texas sun while buzzards pooped on it.] Bud Lite is bad, bad, bad.

If Bud Lite had no taste at all, that would be an improvement. But for all that it doesn’t have very much taste, what little it does have is retchingly nasty. I am staring at the new stylish bottle, and I know I am looking at one of the world’s most popular beers, and I am flabbergasted. People drink this crap on purpose! I’ve heard them, in bars, requesting the stuff when other beers are available.

That’s not to say that any other pisswater lite beer is any better; I just haven’t had the pleasure lately. But people, please! When you drink this stuff, the terrorists have won.

10 thoughts on “Bud Light is Horrible

  1. Reminds me of the year I lived in England, and there was a travel article in one of the newspapers. The British author of that travel article was heading for Colorado, and on the flight over, he decided to get in the spirit by having a Coors. He commented on the advertising slogan Coors had at the time: “‘Brewed with pure Rocky Mountain spring water’ — and very little else.”

    I notice that Coors has changed the slogan. It’s now “brewed with mountain water.” So the water is no longer spring water, and it’s no longer from the Rocky Mountains but from any old mountain, and there could be all sorts of other water mixed in.

  2. The first time MaK came to the US the plane ran out of Heiniken, so, I thought, perhaps MaK should try some Coors Light (the only beer they had left…this was back when the sauce was free). Well, she tried one sip, made one hell of a Calvin face, and almost got right back on the next plane to Prague!

  3. I remember flying out of Prague after the wedding. Officially we were flying Air France, but that airplane we were on was Czech Air codesharing with Air France. This was an early-morning flight; we had to get to the airport even before the sun came up, and the plane took off just after sunrise.

    On Czech Air, beer is free, just like the soft drinks. Hey, as far as the Czechs are concerned, beer IS a soft drink. The guy across the aisle from us ordered a Pilsner Urquell with his breakfast, and that wasn’t anything out of the ordinary.

    I knew from that moment that anytime in the future that involves air travel, if Czech Air is among the carriers to choose from, I will choose Czech Air.

  4. It’s so true that I get there, and thanks to sort of unknown Pilsner Urquell what I did find in US, I did stay for a while… That exported Pilsner Urquell is such different then that one which we got in Czech Republic… Smooter & Lighter, but not as shity stuff as you got in US, like Whatever Light or Anything else Lite…

  5. The other airline I know of where the beer is free is Air Jamaica — all the Red Stripe you can drink, according to the Travel Channel. No ganja, though; smoking’s not permitted on the plane.

  6. Are you sure? The flight I was on was pretty hectic. I saw a guy use another guy’s head for a bong. I was in the middle of a migraine headache, tunnel vision, things were pretty confusing, but there’s no mistaking that smeell.
    But it’s Bud Lite that’s the question and I just spent this weekend down in Santa Rosa with these rock and roll band shooting a music video at this biker rally and it was pretty much all the Bud Lite you could drink. So right now I’m pretty much an authority on all things Bud Lite, and this I can say to be true. Free beer is free beer. Bud Lite doesn’t give you a hang-over because you drank so much water drinking it you couldn’t drink enough to get drunk. Everyone was drinking Crown. You want to talk about gross. Bud Lite and Crown Royal. That’s what? An “Aye Chihuahua?” enserio

  7. Free Bud Light is NOT free beer; it’s free seriously diluted beer-like substance.

    I’ve not actually flown on Air Jamaica, just seen the tourist literature. I’ll defer to Nico on the actual flight experience. BTW, did the smoke alleviate the migraine, or is second-hand smoke not enough, even on a sealed-up airliner?

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