Just a quick note (there’s been a lot of those lately, haven’t there?) that due to an unprecedented spike in squirrel chatter and some very disturbing news out of Toronto the Suicide Squirrel Watch Center has raised the alert level to RED (psychotic) worldwide and to the previously unheard-of MAGENTA in Toronto. Those of you who recall the movie Infra-Man (NTSC VHS is apparently very rare now, and goes for as much as $195. That, in itself, is appalling.) will understand the severity of high magenta levels.
Is there any news from “Science Headquarters” about what, if anything, can be done?
As you well know, when the Magenta Level is approaching critical our only hope is Infra-Man.
Tune in next time for, “Infra-Man Versus the Suicide Squirrel Death Cult”!
Think we can get Six-Bucket Coltrane to supply the soundtrack?
I’ll start getting the Haikus together for the script…
Pitch to movie execs:
“OK, so there’s the suicide Squirrel Death Cult, see? And they’re, umm… taking over the world by sabotaging doorbells and video cameras, then making good their escape by dashing under cars and vanishing.
“Got it? Great! ‘Cause here’s the best part! Infra-Man comes in, with his sidekick the Jesse Monkey. We’ve got Six-Bucket Coltrane already on board for the soundtrack!
“And everything is haiku! Here’s the part where they face each other down:
INFRA-MAN:
Evil black-souled rodents
My monkey flings poo at you
you shall be vanquished.
SQUIRREL 1:
You and whose army?
Black Magic, Quantum Physics
shall be your downfall!
“So what do you think, guys? We’re still checking, but that last one may have been the first haiku with an exclamation point!
“Guys? Guys?”
But there is no answer, for the Squirrels have struck again.
Man, you’ve got the dialogue down. You’ve been watching too many kung fu movies.
Come to think of it, perhaps those old kung fu movies were written in haiku. The form fits the dialog really well.
Monkey vs Squirrel
Over yonder the blood runs
Squirrel takes the year