Rent-a-Drunk

fuego and I were sitting in a bar this afternoon, plotting our next step in World Domination (mwa-ha-ha-ha), when a drunk woman arrived at the bar and sat next to a guy. Eventually the guy scooted over to get away from her… and landed right next to a pretty woman. They struck up a conversation that went on for at least an hour, filled with smiles. All thanks to the drunk girl.

fuego thought about that for a bit and came up with “rent-a-drunk”. Need a little push to get you closer to that pretty girl? Call rent-a-drunk! It’s a special sort of wing-man who is never connected with you. I took the idea further; there are definite chivalry points to be scored. Want to meet that lovely woman? Rent-a-Drunk will send an asshole her way, and you can stand him down, perhaps at apparent personal risk. Can you say knight in shinig armor?

So now you have a chance to charm the woman of your desires. The thing is, if you use a plan like this, you’re probably a jerk, and if she finds that out you’re sunk. No problem. Any time the conversation gets uncomfortable, with a hand signal the drunk is back, and you can dominate him again.

If everything else fails, at least he can drive you home.

6 thoughts on “Rent-a-Drunk

  1. This sounds like the perfect counterpart to the existing, and as far as I know successful, service that allows women to break out of dates — a surreptitious text message on the way to the bathroom, and ten minutes later, the woman receives an “emergency” telephone call with a prearranged situation that she has to take care of immediately.

    The challenge for you is that the rent-a-drunk has to look and smell like a drunk, whereas the pseudo-emergency phone call only has to sound realistic. Your actors are going to require a higher level of pay.

  2. The thing is, I am a jerk (no offense ‘Swede) and I inevitably and eventually will be sunk.

    Brilliant idea Jer, but I don’t see a GPQ aspect here (although it does have half-baked potential) unless you are counting lawsuits.

  3. Oh CA, I plan to employ local “method actors”, of which there are plenty to choose from in the woods that this squirrel habituates.

  4. Well, Jer and I would,of course, have to play a large roll in getting the thing off the ground. Once under way, we would have to find some Local “Method Actors,” which would require a stipend of course, but we could probably find actors who don’t need much…some cheap vodka and a pack of smokes…

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