You Say that like it’s a Good Thing

I think I might have mentioned this before, but it’s just getting worse. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to buy a new car again.

“Look at all the shit we’ve packed in!” the marketers brag. “Techno-gizmos out the ass!”

I work for a techno-gizmo company, and I’m not against techno-gizmos. In fact, I’ve got a gizmo in my pocket that would make Spok weep. It works in my car, so I’m already set, techno-gizmo-wise.

I don’t need:

  • A backup camera
  • Someone to unlock my door from far away
  • Electric windows
  • voice-activated command center
  • phone
  • electric locks
  • ass-cushion airbags
  • dvd player
  • heated seats
  • automatic parallel parking
  • Multi-zone climate control
  • gps
  • etc

To me, all those things add cost, weight, and new points of failure. They do not improve the actual car, or its ability to move me between the proverbial points A and B. They are things I have to pay for that later I will have to pay to fix. (I have a feeling in my gut that a GPS failure will somehow cause my tires to deflate, or the turn signal will go out and I’ll have to pay a thousand bucks for some hoobajoob module.)

Ironically, the only cars I know of without all that crap are high-performance supercars. I can’t afford a car without the accessories. I think that is a reflection of their actual value.

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