I am not renowned for my grace. While I’m not infamous for my clumsiness either, when pressed I’d have to admit that on the scale of dexterity I have a definite sinister leaning. Thinking back on my life, I’m pretty sure I’ve always been that way, but it’s only recently that I’ve come to really appreciate my awkward ways. My spazticity is particularly obvious when I’m eating salad.

Take tonight, for instance. I was eating salad, from a plate, using a fork. As I raised a mouthful toward my maw a leaf of spinach leapt from the fork, and flew at my head. I dodged and the leaf hit my shoulder before falling into my lap, leaving red spots of raspberry vinaigrette behind. My sweetie, who caught all the excitement in her peripheral vision, reacted with alarm, perhaps because I had already dropped a steak knife on the floor near my bare foot.

Salad seems to be particularly tricky. Often as we sit sharing a big bowl of salad, I end up dropping significant chunks in my lap, or dripping salad dressing on my clothes, or finding some other way to get food where it was not intended to go. I’m not sure a fork is even the right utensil for eating many of the items we put in a salad, anyway. As I ponder, I wonder if something with more of a grabbing action would be appropriate for items that are difficult to pierce when they’re in the bottom of a bowl. Maybe a miniature version of the tool we use to serve the salad in the first place; a hinged tool with a pair of sporks at the end that could be used to both grab and scoop. I think that would increase the percentage of items that reach my mouth, but the transfer at that point might be tricky.

Still, I think I may be onto something there. In the meantime, I’ll make sure I have towels handy.