Only in Los Alamos, part 2

Puttering around on errands today, I saw a bumper sticker that read, “186,000 miles per second. It’s not just a good idea, it’s the LAW.” On the right side was a little picture of Einstein.

What Has it Gots In Its Pocketses?

Today I was cleaning out the pockets of the shorts I’ve been wearing. Here’s what I had:

$2.05 in small change (including some nickels that seem to be stamped wrong).
1 padlock key
1 California Angels bottle opener key ring with a miata key and a padlock key.
1 free-range Miata key
4 receipts crumpled to illegibility
1 battered Sony Ericsson mobile phone
1 Milk bone dog biscuit
1 Wallet with the usual stuff, including phone chips.

Of course, it’s the dog biscuit that got me typing. All but the wallet were in the front right pocket, as the left pocket has nothing but a gaping hole.

In the Land of Enchantment

It was a good drive today, crossing the desert the easy way (Interstate), with only the occasional construction slowdown to distract my thoughts. Unfortunately, not much of what I thought about will be of interest until it finds it way into stories. So it goes.

There is this, though. If I had a place in Gallup that sold Green Chile Cheeseburgers, I would put up a billboard right at the border that said, “Welcome home! Your Green Chile Cheeseburger is waiting for you at Jer’s Burgerville. Turn right at exit 20.” It would be a valuable service to those of us with bad memories for places but good memories for flavors. I ended up at Blake’s in Grants. I ordered the Lottaburger and knew I was back in civilization when the girl asked “you want green chile on that?” It was OK, but far from a religious experience.

Right now I’m taking a little road break in a place with WiFi, then I will head on to the folks’ place. Hopefully I can ignore the Internet long enough there to get some of my ideas into more concrete form.

On the move

This is just a quickie to let you know that planes have changed and become a bit more complicated. I will be staying in the US longer, and right now I’m in Arizona. By tonight I’ll be in New Mexico. In mid-April I will turn once more westward, possibly by rail.

As I headed out into the desert, my thoughts spun back to old themes with new images interposed, fresh food for the Road Myth beast lurking somewhere behind my retinas. I’m anxious to let the beast out to play, but that will have to wait for tonight. Now, I must be rolling once more — at least to a place with decent phone reception.

Old friends, new friends, memories, and dreams.

It was a strange day in the graveyard, with exhumations coming as quickly as burials. I’m tired now, not sure how far I’ll get through this narrative, and not sure how much you will care. I’m tempted to use shorthand that only certain people will understand (pitcher of water on the table at China Inn), but in the end it was a day of being recognized, back in the old places I used to haunt.

First off was BinaryLabs, my place of employment back when you could use that label on me. I knew then that I was working with dedicated, hard-working folks who knew what it was all about, not afraid to have fun, and that is still true today. I wandered through, undermining productivity, and had a great time. It is a matter of pride to me that a company I helped create, and a culture I in no small part defined, lives on. Tom and Kristin were gone, but the rest of the nucleus is still intact, and that’s pretty cool.

From there I pointed my feet toward China Inn. Brian, they asked about you. They do the orange chicken differently there — not fried — and man oh man is it good. If you’re in the US, you should drop by for lunch. Tell them Jerry sent you.

Next was Tiki. I walked in and there was Tom. I had run into him the day before in Ocean Beach, had a beer at Tiny’s, and heard about his roommate. Tall, redhead, built like a guggenheim shithouse. Somewhere in the shuffle I had missed that Erica was a bartender. Turns out, she works Tiki on Tuesdays. I sat next to Tom, and turned to regard a strikingly distracting bartender. Much of the conversation was how she was a shirt-optional kind of girl. While it goes without saying that I am far too classy to ever encourage a friendly and efficient bartender to expose herself, I really was hoping that the clumsy efforts of the guy to my left would work out. They didn’t, of course.

Erica is a storyteller. She’s got the gift of gab, something that includes a little smile that tells you that while what she says is all true, she knows that even the worst moments are somehow funny. It’s all right if the joke’s on her, as long as we both see the ridiculousness of it all.

Before too long it was time to move on. “Leaving already?” she asked. “I can’t stay,” I replied, “I’m already in love with too many bartenders.” She laughed and took the compliment for exactly what it was. I could have stayed, but I had a hankerin’ to see Rose. I left without seeing Tiki Dave. Maybe I’ll have to go back.

To Callahan’s. To Rose. (Lifting glass) To Rose!

We talked Penguins (rhymes with hockey). She broke a glass (just for me, I suspect). I told her she rocked, something I always reminded her of back in the day; she almost squeaked when she said, “I haven’t heard that for a long time.” Honestly, I can’t imagine why she doesn’t hear that every day, but life is crazy. I was happy to remind her. I joke that I’m in love with bartenders, but Rose and I have got past that. (Well, Rose probably never was even at that, and if she was I don’t want to know about it.) I can’t imagine anyone I’d rather go to a hockey game with, though.

Home

In case anyone was wagering on it, the first place I went in San Diego was Callahan’s. It’s been more than a year since the last time I was in here, so it was no surprise that I didn’t recognize the girl who seated me, or the guy who is waiting on me. Or the other waitress. I recognize one of the bartenders, but I’m not certain of her name anymore. It’s not Travis, and , more significantly, it is not Rose. No worries, she used to work weekdays anyway.

Jocelyn – that’s the name of the girl I recognize. She hasn’t recognized me yet, but that’s not surprising. I considered waiting until I was less scruffy to come in, but who knows how long that will be?

I checked the board and was happy to see that Bernardo Bitter (my favorite, but the quality is not consistent and they don’t have it on tap very often) was available. “It’s like you knew I was coming,” I quipped to my noncomprehending waiter. Joe Byrne was playing on the Juke Box. I settled in, ordered my jalapeño beer cheese soup, and whipped out the ol’ laptop.

My eyes strayed back to the chalkboard to see which other beers were up right now, and my heart sank when I saw Hopnotic IPA. I like a good hoppy IPA, but that used to be called Rose’s IPA. I checked the printed beer list, and there’s no mention of Rose’s IPA there, either. I have a bad feeling about this. Perhaps this is all an elaborate Road Trip Eve prank (three years ago, I celebrated the very first road trip eve sitting at the bar on a quiet night, counting down the minutes until midnight. I did not say “elevator ocelot rutabaga” at the appointed hour (that tradition came later), instead I said, “Wish me a happy birthday.” I completed my 4th decade in quiet conversation with my favorite bartender ever, then drove away to a life of adventure (or at least uncertainty) the next afternoon.

It’s not fair, of course, for me to ask a place to stay the same just so I can stumble into it every now and then and feel like I never left. That’s what I want, though. And now who’s going to tell Rose she rocks?

* * *

Good news! Rose is still working here. Now I can sleep.

Happy Road Trip Eve!

Happy Road Trip Eve, everyone! Remember, if the first words out of your mouth tomorrow (3:0 in the Muddled Age calendar) are “Elevator Ocelot Rutabaga”, good fortune will follow you for the rest of the year. Set an alarm for midnight, so you don’t forget!

Mini Road Trip Mini-Summary

I’ve fallen a bit behind on the travelogue. Whether that’s good or bad is open to debate. I am in Columbia, California, in a nice place nestled in the forests at the foot of the sierra nevada. There was gold here once, and perhaps there still is. A large stretch of land nearby is still reserved for destruction should more gold turn up. This is also a place were Emus used to live, though none live here now. (The emu pens remain.)

Before this I was staying in a nice house nestled among the redwoods north of Santa Cruz, California. Camels used to live there, though none do now. (The camel shed remains.)

Before that I was in Ripon (rhymes with hippin’). I do not think any domestic livestock ever occupied the backyard of that house, though it is the dwelling of a renowned ornithologist. (He has also written a lot of other stuff.)

I have seen, over the last few days, rain, sun and fog, a band covering Do You (Feel Like I Do) by Peter Frampton, and a pair of chickens that did not look both ways before crossing the road. For a few hours I had a four-year-old attached to my leg, but I have recovered.

And there you have it. Today I point the car south, south, south.

MY kind of NASCAR

If I was in charge of NASCAR, there’d be an 8-track in every car, with a sound system equal to the task of being audible in that environment. Race officials would randomly monitor what drivers were playing, and would penalize drivers for tunes that were not appropriate for the event. ZZTop, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and the like would be expected. Perhaps different race tracks could have different lists of acceptable bands, but ideally all tapes would be certified yard sale purchases.

Actually, that wouldn’t make a bad advertisement…

INT RACECAR

Out the windows we see that the car is in the middle of a big race. Things are jittery and the driver is twitching the steering wheel, pushing things to the limit. Cut INT/EXT and back to give perspective and excitement. BTO’s “Let it Roll” is blasting, then gets garbled and stops.

DRIVER

What the…?

Driver pulls the tape out of the 8-track, the tape is hanging in a ruined mess.

DRIVER

HECK!

Driver tosses the tape into a battered cardboard box filled with 8-track tapes with barely-legible labels. He begins to rummage around with one hand.

EXT RACETRACK
The car swerves a bit going down the straightaway.

ANNOUNCER 1 (Voice Over)

Something seems to be wrong in the Number 8 car!

INT RACECAR
Driver pulls a tape out of the box, glances at it, then throws it back in frustration.

EXT RACETRACK

ANNOUNCER 1

Number 8 is definitely slowing down!

ANNOUNCER 2

We’ve just learned from our people down in the pits that Johnson’s had an Overdrive failure…

ANNOUNCER 1

That could be costly!

INT RACECAR

Driver pulls out another tape and holds it up. With a nod he slams it home. There is a click and .38 Special begins to blast from the speakers. Driver pumps his fist and mashes the gas pedal to the floor.

EXT RACETRACK

With the music blasting, number 8 begins passing all the other cars.

ANNOUNCER 2

It looks like he’s got things straightened out now.

ANNOUNCER 1

Look at him go!

Of course, you’d have to sneak some product in there somewhere so someone will pay to make the ad.